


I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.

by ohyouwatchusrun



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-11-26 03:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 50,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohyouwatchusrun/pseuds/ohyouwatchusrun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone had noticed it, something was wrong with Alex and no one had a clue what it was. Matt being Matt, he was determined to get to the bottom of it, he needed to find out what it was that was wrong and help her, he couldn’t bear to see her so broken, so distant from everyone. So he decided, when he saw her run from set with tears in her eyes, that he would run after her and figure out exactly what was going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. would you just stay with me?

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the notebook.
> 
> I do not claim to know anything about the life's of Alex Kingston, nor Matt smith. This is completely fictional.
> 
> My first ever fanfic, hope you enjoy it my lovelys, next chapter will be up asap.
> 
> kudos and comments are much appreciated
> 
> WARNING: CERTAIN CHAPTERS MAY BE TRIGGERING. Disturbing themes and graphic mention of self harm.

Everyone had noticed it, something was wrong with Alex and no one had a clue what it was. Matt being Matt, he was determined to get to the bottom of it, he needed to find out what it was that was wrong and help her, he couldn’t bear to see her so broken, so distant from everyone. So he decided, when he saw her run from set with tears in her eyes, that he would run after her and figure out exactly what was going on.

When he got to her, her tears had begun to fall and he swears he had never seen her looking so hurt. “Alex, love…”

  
With that Alex shot round to look at him, trying her best to dry her tears “oh, Matt, hello darling” she tried to force a smile, and he thinks she actually believes she’s fooling him.  
“No Lex, you don’t need to do that okay? Don’t smile and act as if you’re alright. You aren’t okay and you haven’t been for a while, what’s wrong Alex, what’s happened?”

  
“honestly love, I’m fine. I’m just being a silly old bag, you don’t need to worry about me” she tried to smile again, but it never reached her eyes.

  
“Firstly, less of the old, you don’t look a day over 30 and you're gorgeous. And Alex, that’s the problem, I can’t stop worrying about you. I wish you would just talk to me.”

  
“Matt, listen, I’m fine okay. Just leave it now.” And just like that, she’d walked off and left him standing there, wondering when his best friend started shutting him out. He wants to hold her and tell her everything will be fine and that he's there, but she won't let him. They've always been there for each other, since the beginning and now she'll barely speak two words to him. He can't just sit around and watch her fall apart, he has to do something. 

\---

When Alex gets home, she falls onto her bed and cry’s, she cry’s for what seems like forever. She’s never felt so low, even when her first husband left, when her second marriage broke down, she has never been so low in her life. A week ago, her ex-husband had rung her and told her that he was going to try to get full custody of Salome and keep her from seeing her daughter.

She can’t understand why Florian is doing this to her, he knows how much her daughter means to her, her daughter is her life and she doesn’t think she could live without her. And along with fighting for her daughter, her acting seems to be getting worse and worse, she’s getting too old and soon no one will want her anyway. She's all alone and she feels like it's her against the world and the world is winning.

Feeling exhausted and both mentally and physically drained Alex runs herself a hot bath. When she gets in the bath, she reflects on her life and how much she messed up, all the mistakes she’s made. She thinks back to the time years ago when she almost felt this low, just after her ex-husband had left her for another woman. Just then, she looks over at her razor blades, she knows she shouldn't but she just can’t cope any more, so she stands up and reaches for a blade. Laying back down in the bath, she takes the razor to her wrist and drags it down as hard as she could multiple times, she isn't even sure what she’s trying to achieve, weather she really wants to die or if she just wants some relief. As the blood pours from her arms she becomes dizzy. _No one would really miss me_ she thinks to herself as she watches the blood constantly drip from her arms and turn the water red.  
Alex is so caught up in her thoughts that she doesn't hear Matt enter her apartment calling her name.

\---

After she'd walked off set at the end of the day looking more upset than she had previously that day, he has no choice but to go to her flat. He'd decided that he'll just stay util she talks to him and they can work things out together. He'll stay until she doesn't feel like she needs to cry any more. He will look after her.

When he gets to her door and knocks multiple times, she doesn’t answer. Matt, being Matt instantly begins to worry because he knew that she'd come back here, and of course she was probably just in the bath or had her music on too loud but he couldn't help but worry. Grabbing the spare key he knew she kept on the door frame above her door, he let himself in.

  
“Lex, sorry I let myself in. Where are you?” he calls out. When he gets no reply, being typical Matt he begins to worry more.

“Alex…Lex where are you?” He calls out again, then he notices the bathroom door shut, he realizes she must be in there. He knocks on the door just twice and gets no reply “Right Alex I’m coming in” he calls out putting his hand on the door handle.

Nothing could prepare him for what he saw when he stepped into the room. Alex laying there, looking almost lifeless, blood all down her arm and tears staining her cheeks. He freezes, only managing to whisper out a “A…Alex”

When she finally looks at him with tears rolling down her cheeks and an emotionless expression on her face he comes around and runs towards her, finally realizing he needs to help, he needs to get her out of there and just help her.

“Alex, what have you done? Oh Alex, love, please” he whispers, his voice breaking as he runs towards her bath tub. “I’m going to help you, just, just stay awake okay and, just…just please Alex, please be okay” He grabs her arm, avoiding the harsh cuts, and putting it around his shoulder and put his hands under her to lift her out. The fact that she is naked is the least important thing to him at that moment. He notices that her cuts aren’t as deep as they seem and if he bandages them up, hopefully she’ll be fine.  
Matt can’t stop mumbling, reassuring more himself than her that she’s going to be fine as he carries her to her bed. “I’m so sorry” he hears her whisper as he places her on her bed “I’m so, so sorry” she cries.

“It’s okay, shh I’m here now, I’m…I, I’m going to look after you now okay, I’m here.” He puts her down on the bed carefully, pulling the blanket up to cover her, he gets up informing her that he won’t be a second and goes off into the kitchen in search for bandages and pain relief. When he’s out of her sight he stops just to breath, running his hands through his hair, he can’t help but imagine if he had come 10 minutes later, what she might have done, what might have happened to her, his eyes sting as tears form at the thought of him losing her. He takes a few deep breaths and decides that he needs to be strong for Alex, this is no time to be thinking about himself.

After rummaging around in her kitchen, he finally finds some bandages, some anti-septic wipes and ibuprofen, no doubt for when Salome’s over and being her usual clumsy self. He walks back towards her bedroom, and hears her sobbing. He just wants to try and fix whatever it is that’s made her feel like this, made her become so broken. He walks over to the bed, sits down and pulls her to him, she rests her head on his shoulder and cries into the crock of his neck.

Running his fingers through her hair he whispers “Shh, Alex love, I’m here now, I’m going to look after you, it’s going to be fine”

“But…w-what if , what if it’s not f…fine?” she says, her voice merely a whisper.

“I’m going to make sure it is, I promise. Now give me your arm Lex” he says soothingly into her ear, and she obliges. Matt takes a wipe from the pack a delicately try’s to clean the wounds, trying his best not to hurt her. She hisses out in pain when he goes over one of the cuts, “Oh god Alex, sorry love” he whispers, she shakes her head and he knows that’s her way of reassuring him that it’s fine.

He gives her two ibuprofen and a glass of water before wrapping the bandage around her wrist, “there we are my love” he says placing a kiss to her bandaged wrist. “Th-Thank you Matt” she replies. He notices that she’s shivering, so he pulls her close wrapping the blanket around her tightly and holding her just as tight. He thinks that he never wants to let go, never wants to leave her again, he can’t lose her, he hasn’t even told her how he feels yet, he definitely cannot lose her. He doesn’t want to push her, but he needs to figure out what drove her to do this, so when he asks her, he doesn’t really expect a reply, but he knows that he’s got too.

“Lex, sweet heart, wh…why did you do this? Please talk to me Alex because I need to fix this, I need to help, so please, just let me.”

“I, I can’t b-be fixed Matt, I’m a t…total mess, I don’t want to exist any more” she says this and she sounds so broken, so lost and Matt swears he can actually feel his heart breaking for her.

“Alex, please don’t say that. If you didn’t exist, I-I’d be lost, you’re an amazing woman Alex and you don’t see it, not one bit, so many people adore you, and care about you, you have loads of friends and an amazing little girl and…”

Matt is cut off by a loud sob and he realises then, that this must be about Salome. “H-he’s taken her Matt, he said that, that he wanted full custody and, and that I wouldn’t get to see her any more, She’s my whole world, what am I supposed to do? He…he said I was an, an awful mum, and…and” she couldn’t finish her sentence, her voice breaking continuously “As well as that, I’m getting old, and I’m alone, and I, I’ll probably never find someone, l...look at me Matt no one would want me”. Matt’s hands suddenly ball into fists and he feels a fit of rage take over him, however he knows that he has to stay calm, getting angry now will do nothing for Alex. He just hates how Florian can continuously make Alex feel like shit, this woman, the most amazing mother he has ever known. How dare Florian tell her she’s a bad mother, he also fails to understand how she can believe that no one would want her, the most beautiful woman he ever laid eyes on genuinely believes that she isn’t worth it.

“Alex, you’re the best mum I have ever known, you love Salome so much a blind man could see that, and I am telling you, the court will not give him full custody, not if I have anything to do with it. Now I promise you that I am going to help you to fight for her, I will do anything in my power. And Alex, I don’t know what has happened to make you feel like you aren’t beautiful or worth it, but let me tell you this, no man will ever be good enough for you, and anyone would be lucky to have you, you’re gorgeous Alex.” With that she wraps her arms around Matt’s waist, her tears drying on her cheeks.

“You don't have to do this for me you know?” She breathed into his neck "I don't expect you to be here for me. I'm a mess."

“You’re one of my best friends Lex, i care about you more than you can imagine, and I will try to fix this in any way that I can, for as long as it takes.” He wants to tell her, how oblivious she is and how much he adored her, how much he always had, but he knew she'd never feel the way about him that he does about her and it would probably cause her to push him away again. The truth was, he had been half in love with her since the day they met. His love and adoration for her as only grown as they got to know each other.

“Thank you Matt, really, thank you” she had stopped crying and her breathing had calmed now, “I’m so sorry Matt, I’m sorry you had to walk in on that, I, I never wanted you to see me like that and I…”

She was cut off by Matt “No, Alex stop, don’t apologise, if I didn’t walk in then…well then I don’t even want to think about it, don’t apologise just promise me never to do this again Alex, I can’t lose you. I'm not sure I'd survive it” his voice almost cracked on the last few words and he's sure she stiffened for a second when he'd spoke.

 “I promise”. She nods her head, still clinging to him like her only lifeline.

“I’m going to stay tonight, I’m not leaving you on your own, so I’ll just crash on your sofa okay? And if you need me I’ll be just down the hall, you should get some sleep Lex. where are your pyjamas?” she points to her dresser and so he walks over and gets a small white nightie out. He walks over to her and motions her to life her arms up, he pulls her nightie over her wild hair and lays her down, pulling the duvet up to cover her. He kisses her on the head whispering good night, when just as he walks away she grabs his arm.

“Matt, I, Could you…could you stay with me please, in bed, I mean. I just don’t want to be alone and… don’t leave”

He see’s fresh tears in her eyes. “Hey, of course I’ll stay with you love, of course I will, come here” he gets in the other side of the bed still fully clothed, he pulls her into him and she curls herself around his body. “I’ll never leave you” he whispers.

“Thank you” She replies letting her eyes slowly slide shut in the warmth of Matt's arms.

“Shh, no need to thank me, I will always be here Alex, always. Now get some sleep love” he says stroking her hair until she drifts into a deep slumber. He stays awake long after her, just looking at her sleep, thinking about how beautiful she is. Not being able to stop thinking about his life without her, if he didn’t walk into the bathroom, and thanking god that he did at the right time. He decides, that he’ll tell her soon, as soon as she’s better he will tell her how he feels. He falls asleep with her in his arms and hope in his heart.


	2. They fell in love, didn't they?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too sure about this chapter, not much happens but i hope you enjoy it xo

_When he gets to her door and knocks multiple times, she doesn’t answer, so he decides to enter anyway, knowing that she won’t mind._

_“Lex, sorry I let myself in. Where are you?” he calls out. When he gets no reply, being typical Matt he begins to worry. “Alex…Lex where are you?” He calls out again, then he notices the bathroom door shut, he realizes she must be in there. He knocks on the door just twice and gets no reply “Right Alex I’m coming in” he calls out putting his hand on the door handle._

_When he stepped into the room, he instantly froze, unsure of what to do, Alex was laying in the bath tub, with a few cuts running horizontally across her arm and one huge gash vertically, he couldn’t move, it was like he was glued to the spot “A…Alex” he called out but she didn’t move, she was completely lifeless, lifeless and pale._

_He finally snapped out of it and ran toward her calling her name, but there was no response, he pulled her out of the bath and lay her on the bathroom floor “Alex, please, please wake up” but still he got nothing, he felt for her pulse and there was nothing. He began to cry, screaming her name “LEX, PLEASE WAKE UP!! Come on lex, I love you, please, please wake up, ALEX!!”_

 

 

 

Matt calls out her name in his sleep, waking Alex up. Then he shoots up, his breath heavy and eyes glazed over with tears, he panics for a few seconds before looking beside him and seeing Alex sat up and eyes wide with concern. Tears begin to fall from his eyes and he isn’t quite sure if they are tears of relief, or tears from the awful nightmare he just encountered.

“Matt, darling what happened, are you alright?” Alex said as she soothed him and put her hand on his arm.

Matt couldn’t manage words and nodded his head, she waited for him to explain and eventually he managed to get out “just a bad dream, that’s all. You can go back to sleep love.”

“Oh, sweetheart come here” she wraps her arms around him and he leans into her, they stay there for a few minutes before he speaks, “Hey! I’m supposed to be the one looking after you. How are you? Sorry I woke you, let’s get back to sleep okay?” he wipes the drying tears from his cheeks and puts on a smile that she can clearly see straight through.

“I’m alright now that you’re here with me Matt, you make me feel so safe. But darling what did you dream about, I woke up to hear you calling my name, and crying, all you kept saying was ‘Alex, please’ and then you said ‘wake u…’ oh…oh Matt darling I’m so sorry” she cupped his cheek in her hand, wiping away a few stray tears. She realises now, that he was dreaming that he was too late, he didn’t save her, Oh bless him, poor Matt, what have I done she kept thinking to herself embracing him in a hug.

“Don’t apologise, you don’t need to be sorry, you don’t ever have to be sorry.” He says tilting her head so she’s looking at him. He looks into her eyes, full of understanding and care, and he knows that this isn’t the time, that she isn’t thinking straight and he’s shaken up after his nightmare, but in that moment, he looks at her and he can’t escape the feeling he gets, he never realised how much he loved her until he saw her laying in the bath, and having that dream made him realise even more, that he’d be lost without her. He realises that he’s been staring at her for way over a minute and she must be a bit weirded out. “Matt…” she whispers.

“Shh” he says as he bends his head down, and locks his lips with hers. She opens her eyes wide with shock and holds back, before melting in to the kiss licking along his bottom lip and he opens his mouth for her, it starts off passionately but soon it turns into a battle of dominance, Matts hands slide up Alex’s body one tangling in her hair and the other caressing her cheek, while her hands go around his neck, she whimpers into his mouth as he moans. He had never expected her to kiss him back, never even thought it a possibility, but now that she is, he never wants it to stop.

Both becoming breathless Alex pulls away, placing her hands on his chest, “Shit Matt, I’m sorry, that was stupid, I just, I wasn’t thinking straight and I thought, well I don’t know what I thought but…” She was cut off by Matts lips, he kissed her again but this kiss was different, this kiss was full of feeling, full of emotion. Alex doesn’t understand, she’s had feelings for Matt for a long time, and she understood that the first kiss was probably just a mistake for him, but he kissed her again. He actually wanted to kiss her, but they shouldn’t be doing this. She wanted him more than anything but he clearly wasn’t thinking straight and she certainly didn’t want to ruin the friendship they had. Pulling away from him again she whispered into his ear “Matt, darling, we can’t do this. We’re friends and we’re both shaken up, it would only be a mistake.”

Stung by her words Matt pulls her back looks into her eyes, he’s about to tell her that it’s nowhere near a mistake, it’s what he’s wanted for such a long time, but then he realises, that she thinks it was a mistake, which means he would only get shot down if he told her how he really felt, he was so sure she felt the same way, but now, he wasn’t so sure. “No, yeah of course, sorry, let’s just, go back to sleep yeah?”

Looking over at the clock she sees it’s already 7am, “actually darling, I was going to get in the shower, I don’t think I’ll get back to sleep now, thank you for staying with me last night though Matt, you have no idea how much it means to have you as a friend” she says kissing him on the forehead, what she really wants to tell him is how in just one night, he had saved her life in so many ways, but she realises she needs to stop these feelings escalating, he wasn’t interested and he never would be, is all she kept telling herself.

“ Like I have said before Alex, there’s no need to thank me, I’ll go and make us up some breakfast to the best of my abilities while you shower, and hopefully your house will still be standing by the time you get out” he winks at her and she lets out a small laugh. Even though he’s upset about him not having the courage to tell her how he feels, seeing her properly laugh for the first time in weeks, brightens up his day instantly.

Alex walks towards the bathroom “won’t be long” she calls out behind her, all she can think about now, is Matts lips on hers and how he’d kissed her again ‘don’t be silly Alex, it meant nothing to him, now stop thinking about it’ is all she keeps telling herself, but she can’t stop, she just can’t.

Matt heads towards the kitchen to look for something he won’t be able to burn, his thought also focusing on the kiss they had just shared.

While Alex is in the kitchen, Matts phone rings, he looks to see Karens goofy face on his screen, and he instantly knows what she wants.

"Alright moonhead?"

"Oh shutup stupid face, where are you? are you still at alex's?"

"erm, yeah i am, why?"

"OMG, YOU'RE STILL THERE? you told her didn't you? you told her you loved her and she loves you back!!! omg i'm so happy for you Matt how excit..."

"Kaz! woah slow down, you're wrong, i didn't tell her, i... i wanted to but i just haven't had a chance."

"Haven't had a chance? Matt you went over there yesterday, and you're still there. If you didn't tell her, why are you not at your flat?"

"i'm just looking after her, she isn't too well alright, now drop it Kaz" Matt says with clear hurt in his voice.

"Oh Matt, why didn't you tell her?"

"Because kaz, what if she doesn't feel the same, what if i wear my heart on my sleeve and she just rejects me, from anyone else, fine. But not her, i can't lose her Kaz"

Karen thinks she can feel her heart break for him, bless him. "Oh Matt, i don't think she'll reject you, i really think you should tell her, and when you do , i better be the first to know!! Right i have to go, me and Arthur are filming our scenes today, i'll see you on set next week yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah of course, see you then." He hangs up the phone with a sigh, she's right, he has to tell her before she goes back to LA in two months and it's too late.

When Alex finishes showering, they sit and have breakfast and act as if nothing has changed, Alex is glad to know that everything between them is alright even though she wishes it was something much more. Matt stays with her all day, making sure that she’s okay and taking care of her like he promised her he would, they start to try and sort things out about Salome, Alex calls Florian and Matt listens carefully, ready to jump in at any moment if Florian dare to say anything to upset Alex, his Alex.

“Florian, listen, you can’t just take Salome from me, she’s my daughter too and I sure as hell will not let you, do you understand?!” Alex says, voice raised down the phone, “and if you think for one second that I am just going to give up without a fight, then you obviously don’t know me very well, because I will give everything I can to have my little girl with me” she looks over at Matt and he smiles at her, proud about how strong she is, that she’s standing up too Florian “and I’m not alone” she adds, and he feels his chest tighten, because she’s right, she isn’t alone, he’s with her but not in the way he wishes that he was, he wishes that after she gets off the phone, he could gather her in his arms, make her see how beautiful and amazing she is, that’s what he really wants.

After Alex gets off the phone it’s already 6pm and she begins to worry that Matt will be leaving soon, and she’ll be all on her own, he makes her dinner, and changes her bandage on her wrist, when he looks at her cuts, she sees so much fear and sadness in his eyes, she hates that she’s the reason that he looks at her like that, hates that he’s sad and scared, because of her.

“Matt, about yesterday. Darling I couldn’t apologise enough, I really am sorry and I don’t want you to worry about me because…”

“I will always worry about you Kingston” he says with a smile, but soon his face becomes more serious, as well as his tone “I think what hurts the most, is that you couldn’t talk to me Lex, I feel like I let you down in so many ways, by not being there for you and so I’m going to make it up you, I’m going to care for you for as long as it takes for you to feel yourself again” Matt’s eyes begin to glaze over, and she can’t for the life of her imagine why he’s being so lovely, and how he can possibly think that any of this is his fault.

“You didn’t let me down Matt, you could never let me down, I just push people away, it’s what I do. So never feel like it’s your fault, none of this is your fault.”

“Well I won’t let you push me away anymore, I’m afraid your stuck with me now” he finishes wrapping the bandage around her arm and places a kiss to her temple.

“I’m going to stay with you tonight; we don’t start filming again for a week, so I’m going to stay with you as long as you need me too.” Alex feels her heart skip a beat; bless this gorgeous, silly, perfect man she thinks to herself.

She smiles up at him “Thank you dear, but there really is no need, I’ll be fine”

“Well sorry Kingston but there are no options, I am staying with you, and that’s final. I’m afraid you’ll have to put up with me for the time being” he earns himself a small laugh at that, and he’s glad whenever he can make her laugh, or even smile

. She doesn’t argue with him anymore, because she knows that he simply won’t give in, so they sit on the sofa, and watch and old black and white film on the tele, she rests her head on his lap while he plays with her curls, running his fingers soothingly through her hair, she tries to fight back sleep for as long as she can, but in the warmth of having Matt so close to her, she can’t help but fall asleep, feeling safer and happier than she has in weeks.

Matt watches her sleep, thinking about how quickly he had fallen for this gorgeous woman, not surprising really, she was amazing. ‘Tomorrow’ he tells himself ‘Tomorrow, I will tell her how I feel, I have to’ and with that, he places a kiss into her hair and falls into a deep sleep, where he dreams of Alex, and nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it, will hopefully have another chapter up tomorrow.


	3. i think i'm a little bit in love with you.

 

Matt in fact doesn’t tell her the next day, or the day after that, or the next. He spends all week with her, looking out for her, helping her to feel better, and every time he goes to tell her, he bottles it and comes out with something completely different. He begins to doubt himself more and more every day, finding little things that Alex does that makes him think she couldn’t possible feel anything towards him but friendship. And so he does everything he promises, he helps her with Florian, and actually achieves something in that department, he manages to help Alex persuade Florian to send Salome over for the last month that Alex is in the UK and then Alex will take her back to LA, something Matt can’t stop thinking about, Alex going back to America and being away for months, this past week they had become such close friends that he can’t imagine her not being around, so he try’s his best to put it to the back of his mind. They’ll be going back to work after the weekend, and Alex seems so much better, but he still hasn’t left her, they still share her bed every night and he treasures every moment he can be close to her, he makes her breakfast and dinner every day and constantly makes sure she’s feeling okay, he thinks she’s probably fed up of him fussing over her but he just can’t help it.

Alex grows so fond of being around Matt every day, she expected him to leave after two days or so, but he still remains to stay with her, sleep with her, cook for her and just continuously make sure she’s well. He helped her to get her daughter back and she could not be more grateful to him, she doesn’t know how he does it, but he never fails to make her smile, she always feels so much better when he’s around and she’s dreading when they go back to work and she’ll have to sleep alone, and eat alone and just be, well alone again. Thankfully her daughter will be there soon and she will hopefully help Alex to take her mind off Matt, her stupid, clumsy, perfect Matt. She tries her hardest to push her feelings for him to the back of her mind ‘ _he isn’t **your** Matt_ ’ she constantly tells herself, but every time he’s near, she just wants to reach out and just, _touch_ him. It’s Friday now, and so she’ll only have to hold back for a couple of days before they go back to being River and the Doctor, she prays that it becomes easier to hide her feelings then, but she doubts it.

When she wakes up on Friday morning, she feels Matts arms around her waist and she’s curled into him, like they just fit. When had this happened? He had always woken up before her previously and she wasn’t sure if this is how they always woke up, or if it was just a one off, but what was she supposed to do? What she really wanted to do was turn around and kiss the man senseless, but after careful consideration she decided that may not be the best idea and so instead decided on pretending to be asleep until he wakes up.

When he does eventually wake up, Alex closes her eyes tightly and waits for him to realise what he’s doing, but he doesn’t move quickly, he lays there for a while leaning in and placing a kiss to her temple before getting up and walking into the kitchen. _Maybe he does that every day_ , she wonders. Deciding to push the thought to the back of her mind, she gets up, puts her dressing gown on and follows him out to the kitchen.

“Oh, you’re up” he smiles, “how did you sleep?”

She smiles back at him rubbing her eyes and he thinks hes never seen something so adorable in his life. “Yeah, I slept really well darling, how about you?”

“Yeah erm, not too bad.” He replies, however it’s a lie, he either won’t fall to sleep for ages, his mind focusing on Alex, and telling her how he feels, or he’ll get to sleep and dream of the night he found her and wake up practically crying every time. He couldn’t tell her that though, she’d just end up apologising or becoming sad and that’s the least thing he wants.

“So, Kingston, what would you like to do today? I think I’ll pop to Tesco, get a few bits for you seen as we’ve barely left the house since I’ve been here and I don’t want you starving to death when I’m gone now do I?” Her smile drops a little at the thought of him leaving, but not for long enough for him to notice “I’m sure I can manage going over to Tesco darling, I’m not crippled quite yet” she laughs.

“Nonsense, my soul ambition for the rest of the time I am here is to wait on you hand and foot, now write a list and I’ll pop out In a minute, oh also I’ll get a few bits for Salome, she’ll be home tomorrow, right?” Matt beams brightly at the thought of Salome coming home, as does Alex.

“Oh, yes it completely slipped my mind. Well how about I’ll come with you to Tesco, about time I got some air anyway, I hate being cooped away for so long” she replies.

And so after breakfast they head out to Tesco and get everything they need for Salome’s visit and for dinner that night. They get home and start packing the stuff away. Alex had decided that she was going to make cakes for when Salome got home, and although she was reluctant to let him, Matt insisted on helping her, she was just praying that he wouldn’t set her house on fire.

So they began to make cakes and they chatted about what Alex was going to do with Salome and Matt insisted on helping out when she was busy filming her River scenes. Becoming bored Alex looked over at Matt and she just couldn’t help herself, she grabbed a hand full of flower and threw it at his face. Her aim was perfect because it hit him smack bang in the middle of his nose and went everywhere, all in his hair and all over his face, he began to choke, Alex couldn’t help but laugh uncontrollably until she saw the look in his eyes.

“A…Alex, what? Oh my god, you better start running Kingston cause I swear I’ll get you!” Just then he grabs for her but she begins to run away screaming “Matt!! Stop, I’m sorry alright! Ah Matt!” she screams as he almost gets her. She goes round one side of her sofa and he’s on the other, she just smirks at him and he looks so determined, bless him.

Without any thought, Matt unexpectedly jumps over the sofa and catches her, he begins to tickle her and they both fall to the floor laughinh. “Matt, get off me! Ah! Matt stop, I swear to god, Matt!” she couldn’t stop laughing, she hated being tickled, there wasn’t one place she wasn’t tickleish.

“I’ll stop when I get a sincere apology from you. I want to hear ‘I’m sorry Matt, you’re the king of everything and I will bow down to you” he smirks.

“I am not saying that, now stop being such a child Matthew and get off me! Stop!” she screams as he continues to tickle her “say it! Or I’ll never stop”

She thinks she might actually wet herself if he doesn’t stop “Oh god, I’msorryMattyou’rethekingofeverythingandiwillbowdowntoyou” she says as quickly as she can and he finally stops tickling her, he’s practically on top of her now and they are both in an uncontrolable fit of gigles tears rolling down their faces from laughing so much. Matt grins down at her smugly and she swats his arm.

“That was not funny” she scolds.

“Actually Kingston, it was extremely funny and you know it, anyway, you started it” He smiles down at her and gets completely lost in her emerald eyes, _how can someone be so perfect_ , he thought to himself. He swears that every day he falls more and more in love with this woman. _This is it, he think,_ I’m going to tell her, right now, go on Matt you can do this.

“Alex…”

“Hmm?” she says tiredly

“I really need to talk to you about something, something erm, quite important actually” he says as his expression changes and he sits up facing her.

“okay then, well, on you go, what is it?”

“It’s just that erm, well, you see, recently, well I say recently but over that past few months i…”

He’s forced to stop when the doorbell rings and she looks at him with an apologetic look on her face, “Sorry love, I’ll have to get that. But hold that thought okay?”

_Dammit_ , he thinks, he was literally there, just about to say it and then just as the words of love are about to spill from his mouth, something distracts her, _just my luck_.

Walking to open the door, Alex wonders what it was that Matt was about to say, she’s never seen him look quite so…well, so venerable. In that moment she just wanted to wrap her arms around him, and hold him, and kiss him, and just be with him. When she gets to the door she looks through the peep hole to see flaming red hair and she knows instantly who it is.

“Alexxxxxx!” Karen says as the door opens, “Hello sweetie, what are you doing here?”

“Well that’s nice, am I not welcome then?” she winks “No I just came over to see how you were. Matt told me that you weren’t feeling too good and you are my daughter after all” she smiles and expects a laugh back but Alex just  looks a bit worried.

“W…what did Matt tell you? I mean, he had no right” she said both angry and confused.

“What do you mean he had no right?” Karen laughs, “He just told me you weren’t well or something, why what do you think he said?” questions Karen.

_Oh crap_ , thinks Alex, of course Matt wouldn’t have told her. “Oh nothing dear, sorry I don’t know what I meant. Well come through, he’s in the living room.”

“What, you mean he’s still here? Omg no way!” says the firey red head walking into the living room, she see’s Matt with an angry expression on his face.

“What’s wrong with you stupid face?” she says smiling at him

“Shut up moon head, I was fine until you showed up” He says it how he always does, as a joke, but there’s something different, thinks Karen, there’s a truth behind it.

“Oh, just lovely, Alex are you hearing this? Come in here and protect your mum!”

Alex is still in the hall, _why had Karen been so surprised to know Matt was here?_ _For all Karen knows he could have only gotten there that day, right?_ Hearing her name being called she goes off into the living room.

“Matt, leave poor Karen alone” she says, as Karen wraps an arm around Alex’s shoulder.

“But she started it!” he argues back.

“no I did not!” replies Karen and they carry on the same argument for the most of 5 minutes before Alex finally jumps in as it becomes less amusing and tells them to stop being such children. Matt looks angry, or upset, he tries not to let it show but Alex can tell, and so can Karen.

“Tea?” asks Alex, they  both reply with a ‘yes please’ and so she goes off to the kitchen, leaving them talking about another girl that Arthur is now dating.

As soon as Alex is out of ear shot, Karen turns to Matt and whispers “So you still haven’t told her then? You absolute whimp!”

“Actually Karen! I was just about to tell her before you turned up uninvited!”

Her smile drops then “Oh shit, really? I’m sorry.”

“No, no. it’s fine don’t worry, you, I mean you couldn’t have known and I should have told her ages ago anyway, it isn’t your fault, it’s mine.”

“Matt, you need to tell her before she goes back to LA, what if you don’t tell her and so she has no idea, she goes off to LA and meets a lovely American bloke, all tanned and muscular, and then falls in love…”

“Kaz, don’t. Stop it.”

“Sorry Matt but I’m just saying, if that happens you’ll regret not telling her for the rest of your life Matt, do you think you could do that? Sit there and watch her with someone else?”

“I know, alright, I know I have to tell her but every time I go too, the words won’t come out, or something gets in the way. I get so scared Kaz, so scared that she won’t feel the same.” He says with a pained expression on his face.

Karen lets out a laugh at that, “You are joking right? Matt she adores you, she flirts with you all the time and you’ve spent this whole week together, of course she feels the same, and if she doesn’t, well, if she doesn’t then she’s mad because I am telling you, you two are made for each other”

“But if you’re wrong Kaz, which I think you are by the way, then I don’t think I could deal with being rejected by her, anyone else, but not her.”

Just as he finishes Alex walks back in, “Rejected by who?” she says, eyebrow raised.

“Oh, no…no one” he says plastering on a smile.

_Of course_ , she thinks, _he likes another girl_ , her chest tightens at the thought and she almost feels like she’s going to cry, _‘pull yourself together’_ she thinks _‘you’re a big girl and you knew there would never be a chance’_ she scolds herself still smiling and giving Matt and Karen their tea.

Karen stays for a couple of hours, they talk about her filming with Darvill on Who and what she’s planning to do when she finishes, and then asks Alex when she’s going back to the states, looking over at Matt with a look he understands far too well when Alex replies that it’s just over a month till she heads back. Alex sees Karen looking at her arm, but she doesn’t mention it, doesn’t ask questions and she is grateful for that. When it’s time for Karen to leave she gets up and gives Matt a long hug.

“Make sure you tell her smith” she whispers before turning to Alex and hugging her for a moment longer than she does Matt.

“Alex, listen, if you ever need someone to talk to, you know, a friend, then I’m always here for you, alright? Just, look after yourself okay?” Alex begins to tear up at that and places a kiss to Karens cheek “Thank you” she whispers.

They both walk Karen to the door and she leaves calling out behind her “See you on Monday!” reminding them both that they have two days till they have to go back to work, back to reality.

\---

The rest of the afternoon is relatively quiet, they don’t say much to each other, just sit together watch films and finish icing the cakes. Before they know it, it’s alright evening and Matt begins to prepare dinner, Alex is still curious about what it was he was going to say earlier, so whilst they’re eating dinner at the table that night, she decides to ask.

“What was it you were going to say earlier Matt? Something important you said”

He stools a bit, freezing and not knowing what to say, he can’t say it now, it’s not the right time. He wonders if it will ever be the right time, shit, he thinks…what can I say? He fidgets a bit before deciding that this has to be it, it’s never going to feel like the right time so he has to do it now, it’s now or never, and he know’s he’ll regret it for the rest of his life if he doesn’t speak up now.

“Matt?” she questions raising her brow at him.

He swallows hard, “Right, yeah, well you see, it’s just. Alex, I don’t want you to freak out about this, but erm…”

‘ _Come on Matt_!’ he tells himself

“Come on darling, spit it out, I don’t bite” she winks at him and he blushes. How does she do that, he wonders, how does she make him blush by just winking at him.

“Okay, you see the thing is Alex, me and you, we’re really great friends and I would never want to jeopardise that, but quite a while ago now, I realised that I wanted it to be more than that, and well, I sort of started falling for you, and then when I found you the other day, and I thought about what would happen if I lost and well, I realised that I just wouldn’t be able to go on, and spending all this time with you, I don’t want it to stop Alex, I think we could be something really great and…”

When he stops to look at her, her jaw is dropped and she just stares at him.

“And well, I think I might be a little bit in love with you Lex”

She still doesn’t say anything her eyes growing wider she just stares at him. _‘say something!’_ he thinks to himself _‘please, just say something!_ ’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoyed it, i might not be able to update for a few days but i'll try my best to do it as soon as possible.


	4. just tell me what you want, and I’ll be that for you.

 

Alex sat shocked by the words that had just come out of Matt’s mouth. Although it was everything she had wanted to hear, she knew that he couldn’t possibly be serious. How could a man like him be in love with an old woman like her? She knew that she had to say something soon; it felt like she hadn’t spoken for hours, but it had only really been seconds. How was she supposed to reply to that, what she wanted to say was that she loved him too and that she wanted him to stay with her for as long as he’d have her, but she knew that she would only get her heart broken and she’d had enough heart break to last a life time. Deciding that she would get a lot less hurt by telling him he was being silly and hiding her feelings rather than giving him her heart and have him leave just like everyone else did, Alex began to laugh.

“Oh darling, of course you aren’t in love with me” She regretted the choice she had made straight after, when she looked at him, all she saw was hurt, she swore she saw his eyes begin to fill with tears, _‘oh god’_ she thought to herself, _‘oh god, I didn’t want to hurt him, poor Matt’_. But she knew this was for the best, she knew that if she had said it back, they’d be great for a while and then he’d realise who she really was and he’d leave, and if he did, if she lost Matt then she wasn’t sure what she’d do, she couldn’t imagine going on.

“Alex, wha…what do you _mean_ of course I’m not in love with you? I…I think I know how I feel, and I’m 600% sure that I’m definitely in love with you, and if, you erm, if you don’t feel the same, then well…” in this moment he looked so broken, so vulnerable and she just wanted to gather him up in her arms, tell him she loved him too, but she just couldn’t, even if she wanted too, she couldn’t right? “Well what I’m trying to say, is that if you don’t feel the same way then of course that’s fine, I never really expected you too, but erm…don’t ever tell me that I’m not in love with you Lex, because I am, and I have been for a while now.”

Reaching over and putting her palm to his cheek Alex spoke softly “Matt, dalring, anyone would be lucky to have you, but what you feel, it isn’t love, it’s…well it’s infatuation. You don’t want to be with someone like me, you don’t want someone with enough baggage to fill Heathrow airport and you definitely don’t want…”

She stops, seeing the anger build on his face, anger, and hurt. “Do me a favour Lex and stop telling me what I want, because I know what I want, I know who I want, and she’s sitting right in front of me! Like I said, I don’t expect you to feel anything back, but please just stop telling me that I am not in love with you, every day I fall more and more in love with you, and I’m not this guy Alex, I’m not the guy that lets people know what I’m feeling, tells people how I really feel about them, but for you, for you I could be anything you wanted me to be, you just tell me what you want, and I’ll be that for you.”

Alex feels herself beginning to cry, ' _how can he mean any of this?'_  She thinks to herself, _'how can he be in love with someone like me?'_ She realises that she’s gripping her wine glass so tight that if she were holding it any tighter, it might shatter to pieces. Again, she is speechless, _how does he do this to me?_ She would really give anything to be with him, but she can’t guarantee that she won’t get her heart broken again and that would be it for her, she couldn’t lose him. Suddenly she feels tears spill down her face and Matt races to her side, swiping his thumb across her cheek.

“Oh Lex, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said…”

She cuts him off “How can you be sure Matt? How can you be sure that you love me, do you even know what love is Matt?! Because it isn’t easy! And certainly not with me, do you know what you would be getting yourself in too? I. Am. A. Mess. Matt and I’m broken you saw me the other day, I can’t go through this again, because even if I did have feelings for you, even if I did love you back it wouldn’t make a difference, me and you, it would never work, who would love someone so broken anyway?” She sniffles, and pushes his hand from her face, seeing the look of hurt but not being able to focus on it. She walks into her bedroom and starts throwing his stuff from the week into a bag.

“Lex! Alex what are you doing?” he shouts.

“You should go Matt, because what good is it, you being here now? Salome will be here soon and you should…you should just go.” She still crying profusely

“Nope, no way Lex I’m not leaving here, because I think, I think that deep down, you feel it too, because I saw the look on your face, I saw the way you looked at me back there. You’re scared Alex, you’re scared!”

“Of course I’m fucking scared Matt!” she screams, throwing the bag at him.

“And why Alex, why are you scared, what are you scared of hm?” He knows that he has to try, he has to try and find out if she loves him too and so he refuses to stop pushing.

“I’M SCARED BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO MATT!” She screams at the top of her lungs, so loud that she’s sure the rest of the building heard her. With that she slid down the wall her head in her hands, mascara down her face and tears still not stopping “I love you and I don’t know what to do.” She whispers.

Matt, still a bit gobsmacked by the revelation runs over to Alex, hauling her towards him and embracing her, pulling her onto his lap, she rests her head on his shoulder, tears staining his shirt, but he doesn’t care, all he cares about now is this woman in his arms, all he cares about is making her happy. “Shh, Lex it’s alright, okay? We’re going to figure this out, I promise, but Alex, please just give me a chance, give me a chance and I’ll, I’ll prove it too you. I’m not going to break your heart, I’ll never hurt you, I swear it.”

Her breathing calms and she clings to Matt as if she’d die if she let go “Y…y…you could do so, so m…much better Matt, what if I stay with you, and I fall for you more than I already have, and then, then you find someone younger and you leave, t…then what?”

“Alex, look at me” he said, lifting her chin so that she’s looking him in the eyes. “I’m not your ex’s, okay? I already know, I know I won’t leave you, I couldn’t leave you, ever. This past week, that I’ve been here with you, just me and you, it felt so normal, like its what I should have been doing my whole life, when I’m with you Lex I feel like…I feel like I’m home, and I wake up next to you, and I already know that it’s going to be a good day, because I know that I’ll be spending it with you. The thought of leaving here on Sunday and not getting to wake up to your face every morning, it’s awful, it actually hurts to think about. And you know, it isn’t always going to be easy, there will be times when it’s going to be really hard but I don’t care about that because I just, I just want you Alex, you and me every day. Not forgetting Salome of course, because that girl, well I adore her. So please Alex, just give me a chance to prove to you that I’m not like the ones before me, and I will stay with you for as long as you will have me, so please, just…”

He’s cut off as Alex’s lips crash into his, it takes him a few seconds to register before he kisses her back, and he kisses her with everything he has, his tongue darts out to slide across her bottom lip and she opens for him willingly, she bites at his bottom lip and he swirls his tongue around hers. This kiss is different, different to when he had kissed her the other day and definitely different to a kiss on set, this one is full of emotion, full of excitement…full of love.

Before he knew it Alex was yanking his top off him, almost ripping it in the process but he really couldn’t care less, because this is Alex, the Alex that he’s wanted for so long and now, he thinks, maybe he has her. He starts unbuttoning her tight fit blouse as she kisses along his jaw line, and his chin and his cheeks, and really anyway she can place kisses “I love you too” she whispered in his ear, “I’ve loved you for so long. But I’ve wanted you for even longer” hearing her words, matt wastes no time in ripping the rest of her blouse off and kissing down her neck, reaching the top of her cleavage, he reaches round to undo the clasp of her bra, and she’s impressed when he manages with just one hand. Bra discarded, Matt kisses around one of her nipples, his palm massaging the other one, before he finally takes her hard nipple into his mouth, resulting in a moan from both he and Alex. Alex’s hands run through his hair, before she decides that she wants to play too. Reaching between them Alex makes quick work of the zipper to his jeans and shoves them down as far as she can, she can feel his already extremely hard length brush against her hand, but before she has time to enjoy herself, he stands up, losing all body contact they had, staring up at him a confused look on her face “Darling, what are you doing?” she asks, and with that he bends over and lifts Alex up, she wraps her legs around his waist and he makes his way over to the bed, “I thought it best you were comfy” he says, running his hand through her hair and kissing her passionately. He lays her down on the bed gently, then climbs on himself and hovers over her. Kissing her fiercely all tongues and clashing teeth, he makes quick work of undoing her trousers and pushing them down to her ankles, she kicks frantically to get them off, just wanting her whole body in contact with his. Stopping kissing her, Matt looks down over her body, admiring the way it curves in all the right places and the glow of her golden skin “You. Are. So. So. Beautiful” he says kissing down her neck at every word. She moans fisting her hands in his hair as he begins to kiss lower down her body, “oh god Matt” he continued trailing kisses down her abdomen before getting to her hips. He bit at her hip gently, his hands sliding along her thighs and pushing them open – not that they needed much encouragement as she felt his hot breath over the damp fabric of her knickers. He paused for a moment then, sliding to his knees at the foot of the bed, his hands gripping her thighs tightly as he buried his face in between them, his nose nudging at her through the thin fabric and he inhaled deeply, causing her heart to speed up in her chest. He looked up then, his gaze hot as it met hers and she swallowed heavily. Her hands shook as she reached for him, trailing fingers through his hair and stroking along the side of his face gently as his hands slid up her thighs and hooked under the elastic of her knickers. He pulled them down with ease, never taking his eyes from hers as she watched. She gasped as his hot breath breathed over her sex, and he places a kiss to her core “so gorgeous Alex” he whispered and it sent even more heat flooding through her. He continued to pepper kisses to her sex and breath hotly, whispering to her about how much he adored her, and it just wasn’t enough “Oh God, Matt please!” she begged and it made him smile, all the times he had dreamt of this, of her wanting him back, of being able to touch Alex all over, he had never thought it would happen, he keeps expecting to wake up and it all be a dream, but thankfully, this is as real as he could ever wish it to be.

Without a second though Matt practically shoves his tongue where Alex needs it most gaining a load moan and he wants to hear her make that noise for the rest of his life. He delves into her, and Alex is sure she can feel her climax approaching already, he swirls his tongue inside her, pressing a thumb to her clit. He can already feel her walls contracting around his tongue and he smiles at how soon she is reaching her climax, taking his tongue from inside of her, he replaces it with two fingers, sliding easily into her and replacing his thumb on her clit for his tongue “Fuck, Mattt! i…” and then she reaches her climax, coming with a shout of his name, he continues to fuck her with his fingers until she comes down from her high, then he places one last kiss to her core before she drags him up by his hair, kissing him and tasting herself on his tongue, she licks at the roof of his mouth humming in contentment, she pulls away, trying to regain her breath after an orgasm like no other she has had before.

“I love you” he whispers in her ear, knowing that he will never tire of saying it.

“I…love, you too darling” she says between harsh breaths

When she has finally regained her breath, with all her strength she pushed Matt off her and straddled him, she soon realised that there was no fabric separating them ‘When had he taken them off’ she thinks to herself, but she has no complaints, she kisses him, running her hands through his hair before she breaks the kiss and slides down his body. She puts her hand around his length and licks a line from base to tip and then places a kiss at the top. “Oh god… Lex, I can’t…Love I won’t last very long if you…” not being able to get his words out Matt grabs Alex and pulls her towards him, “I want you so much” he whispers, and without warning, she takes his hard length in her hand and lines it up with her soaking wet, hot sex, before slowly sliding down. Both of them let out a gasp and Alex’s head falls to place kisses down neck.

Matt can’t get over how she feels around him, like she was made to fit him perfectly, like they were made for each other. He wants to make sure that she’s positive about this. “You alright?” he whispers into her ear, nipping at her ear lobe. “Oh darling, I will be when you start moving” she replies, and without another word he begins to move slowly inside her, treasuring the feeling of her around him. “Oh God” she moans and Matt thinks he might come right then. Trying his best to control himself he soon sets a steady rhythm, kissing her endlessly whilst they moan into each other’s mouths, whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears. It isn’t long before Alex starts seeing stars as Matt moves inside of her, hitting at just the right spot. Beginning to feel her walls clench around him, Matt takes his hand from her hair, sliding it between them and pressing a  thumb to her clit, pressing down hard “Oh shit…Matt…I, I’m gonna” And with that she come violently, with his name leaving her lips continuously, and at the sight of her coming apart on top of him, Matt reaches his climax, screaming out her name.

Alex collapses on top of him as they both fight to get their breath back, she feels completely spent, never In her life has a man made her feel the way Matt does, she’s never experienced what he had just given her. She finds it hard to believe that he’s actually there, that he actually wants her. After all this time of hiding her feelings and pretending that she was fine with them just being friends, and he wanted her too. She hasn’t been this happy in a long time, tomorrow her daughter will be home and the man she’s wanted for what seems like forever is lying underneath her. She isn’t sure what she’ll say to Salome about Matt, weather she will tell her or not, but she knows that they will work it out.

Alex rests her head in the crook of Matts neck when she feels tears streaming down her eyes ‘oh god’ she thinks ‘Alex, pull yourself together’ she isn’t even sure why she’s crying, but when Matt notices he lifts her head to meet his eyes, and she notices that they’re glazed over with tears, oh god he’s so perfect.

“I…I didn’t hurt you did i?” he asks with a serious look of concern on his face.

“Oh darling, no, of course not! I’m not really sure why I’m crying, just being a stupid old woman really, it’s just…I…I never thought this would happen and I’m so scared Matt, I have never been more scared of anything in my life, but I can’t deny this anymore”

A tear rolls down Matt’s cheek then and she is so shocked, never has she seen him cry, and her heart swells and she cups his cheek kissing him tenderly. “I know you’re scared” he whispers “I am too, but I will do anything I can to look after you Lex, I’ve fallen so hard, that there isn’t any way out now” he says placing a kiss to her temple.

“stay with me” she whispers

“always” he whispers back.

Alex knows that come morning, they’ll have a lot to talk about, and she isn’t sure how this is going to work, and how easy it’s going to be, but right now, all she can think about is the man next to her as she climbs off him and curls into his side. She’ll worry about things tomorrow, when she isn’t overwhelmed by this extraordinary man in her bed. Before she drifts into a deep sleep she hears matt mumble the words “I love you” then she falls asleep, her head on his chest and his arms protectively wrapped around her, and that night, she sleeps better than she has in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is no way near over my lovelys, i have exams next week so my next update might take a while but i'll be as quick as i can. Hope you enjoy.


	5. Don't take the easy way out.

Matt thought that, that night had been it, she had told him how she felt, told him she loved him and it had seemed so perfect. It’s only when he looked into her eyes now, that he realised he couldn’t have been more wrong. Yes she loved him, but she was scared, she didn’t want to commit and he could see that, he could see it in her eyes as they sat to eat breakfast. Salome would be coming back today and he wanted to sort things before she got back. When they had woken up together all limbs tangled together, holding each other, he’d thought about how he wanted every morning to be the same and he thought she did too. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

Xxx

Alex woke up that morning wrapped around Matt, and it was almost like reality had slapped her in the face, she was so caught up in hearing Matt telling her all these lovely things, that she didn’t really stop and think about everything they would be risking. She didn’t only have herself to think about; she had Salome and also Matt to consider. If they became a couple, hell if they were even found out to be involved, his career could take a huge plummet and she didn’t want that. She loved him, she had for such a long time and it felt amazing to hear it from him too, but if she took this risk, if she let him in even more, he could break her, completely ruin her and she just couldn’t risk it, so she decided, that it would hurt her less to let him go now, before it all really begins, rather than later, when she wouldn’t be able to live without him. She hopes they can remain friends, because his friendship means more to her than anything else.

After they had gotten up, Alex had been off with Matt, he thought. She was quiet and while they were sitting eating breakfast, he decided to ask why, although he knew the outcome wouldn’t be good. “Are you alright Lex, you’ve been so quite” he says placing a hand over hers on the breakfast table, just for her to flinch and move her hand from his in less than a second.

“Matt, I know what I said last night, but, this…it isn’t a good idea okay. I think we can both admit that we weren’t thinking straight and I just think we should stay…”

“What?!” he cuts her off, “no. don’t you dare say that we should stay friends. What do you mean we weren’t thinking straight, telling you was the best decision I’ve made in years. I thought it was what you wanted too?” He runs his hands through his hair like he always does when he’s nervous and he always looks so adorable she almost smiles, until she realises the situation she’s in and then her heart sinks a bit at the thought of losing her best friend.

“I’m sorry matt. I never wanted to hurt you, in fact it’s the exact opposite, if we were together and the press found out, that could be it for your career. And I have a little girl to think about Matt, it isn’t as simple as saying I love you and then everything’s fine. You have to mean it for one, and there’s so much else to consider. Please don’t make this harder than it already is. I can’t lose you as a friend Matt, please?” she doesn’t want to cry, she’s done enough of that lately, but she feels the sting at the back of her eyes and she tries her best to keep them back. She has to be strong for this to work, if she breaks then he’ll take her in his arms and then she’ll never be able to say what she needs too, and she has no choice.

“so everything you said last night…that was a lie?” Matt grips the edge of the table so hard that his knuckles turn white, he doesn’t understand how after last night, she can say all of this, and not even flinch, as if the wonderful night they had just had meant absolutely nothing to her. “I don’t understand Alex! I was so scared to tell you, to let you know how I felt and then you said you felt the same, and now less than 24 hours later, you’re telling me that it all meant nothing to you. Because to me, it meant everything, and don’t give me these excuses, I don’t care about work, Steven would love it. And I adore Salome, so don’t use her as a reason because it isn’t valid.”  he feels his eyes glaze over, and to be honest he doesn’t care if he cries, because she needs to realise, that he’s been in love with her for so long and every time he looks at her, he feels like he, well, like he’s home.

“Oh Matt” she hates the look of hurt on his face, it makes her want to hold him in her arms and just stay like that forever, but she can’t, that isn’t an option anymore. She reaches across the table brushing his hair from his eyes and caresses his cheek in her palm but he won’t even look her in the eyes. “Darling, I am sorry. Of course, of course I meant it but it just, it isn’t that simple Matt, I’m sorry but I can’t do this, I just, I can’t give you what you want and I wish I could, but you’ll grow tired of me, and I can’t go through that, I’m sorry. I know what I said last night, and it still counts, I do love you Matt, but you’re my friend, my best friend and I can’t let that be ruined.”

He pulls away from her touch; she can see the anger and hurt flash across his face “well Lex, you should have thought about that before you used me for quick shag last night.” He shouts, and oh god, he’s so angry. She’s going to cry and she knows it, how can he think that, that what happened yesterday was just for sex.

“It’s nothing like that” she says beginning to cry “I just think that things will be so much simpler if we remain frien…”

“Don’t Alex, just don’t. Because that’s it now, we can’t _just be friends_ after that. Because I know you love me! And I don’t know why you’re doing this, you just push everyone away! So fine, If this is what you really want then I’ll leave, I’ll go now, but don’t take the easy way out!” he shouts the last bit, just wanting it to sink into her head, he doesn’t want to believe that he wouldn’t be able to be friends with her if she gives up now, but how is he supposed to be around her and laugh with her and flirt with her, when he’ll always be in love with her.

“There is no easy way out Matt, I don’t want to hurt you” she rubs at her eyes trying to stop herself crying “ but I’ve made up my mind, we can’t do this, it isn’t practical and I’m so sorry but I need us to remain friends, that’s all I can offer you right now Matt”

He stands up pushing the chair backwards and it almost falls over, “well I can’t just be friends with you. That’s it for me, I can’t be around you and know that you loved me and you were too _scared_ to do anything about it. We’re co-stars Alex, that’s all me are now I guess, because I thought you loved me like I love you, but if you can let me go this easily then you clearly don’t” He walks into her bedroom and grabs the bag she had packed for him the night before of all the stuff he had here. “It isn’t easy!” she screams at him as he gets to the front door of her apartment. He turns to look at her and she’s never seen him look so, well so emotionless, he’s not crying anymore but his face is void of all emotions, he’s just blank. “Good bye Le…Alex.”

And then he’s gone, and Alex lets out a huge sob, now she can break down properly, because he thinks that it was easy for her to let him go but it wasn’t, it was one of the hardest things to do in her life, she isn’t even sure that this hurts any less than it would if they had gotten involved properly, but she knows that this had to be done.  It feels like they had been in a relationship so much longer by the way they had argued, but she supposes they sort of had been, because what had just happened was the end of a friendship and she knows they had loved each other for so long, and so it hadn’t just been that night, it had been almost a year for her. She just can’t shake the look of his face from her mind, how he’d looked when she’d said all she had. And then she realised that this was it, this man that looked after her, cared about her, had just told her that they could no longer be friends, and oh god what had she done? _Good bye Le…Alex_ , he wouldn’t even call her Lex, because of course, now they’re just co-workers, and only friends have nick names for each other. After crying on the floor for what seems like hours Alex remembers that her daughter will be there in a matter of hours and she needs to pull herself together, so she heads towards the bathroom to have a shower, going over their argument in her head again and again. She wasn’t sure what she’d do without him.

Matt walked a few doors to his apartment, and he wasn’t sure how he would be able to live here for the next month with her just down the hall. He’s never felt so awful in his life, he didn’t mean to be so nasty to her, especially after all she had been through, but he couldn’t just say that it was alright and they could just be friends, because it wasn’t alright and he couldn’t just be her friend. So he went into his room, he lay on his bed and he cried, he cried for the loss of the woman he loved after not even having her for a day, and the loss of a friendship. Matt had never cried over a woman before, in fact he rarely cried at all, but he’s never felt this way about anyone and last night he had really thought that she’d wanted to be with him just as much as he did her. How could he be so stupid, she was way too good for him and deserved the world and he couldn’t give that too her. Tomorrow he’ll have to go to work and face her, and be around her and everyone else and act normal when really his hearts been ripped in two and he’s lost the best friend he ever had. Then he thinks about Salome, and she’ll be around set tomorrow and he’ll have to act as if everything’s fine because not only does he love Alex, but he loves her little girl. Not wanting to think about what will happen on set, Matt gets up and showers, trying to forget the argument he had just had, and all that he could have had. As he guessed, that failed miserably, he couldn’t get her out of his head and so after his shower, he lay down on his bed and just stared into space. Then he thought about his other best friends, of course, he wouldn’t be able to tell  them, but he needed to forget and for that, he needed to be completely hammered, so he picked up his phone, and called the best people for the job, he called Karen and Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long guys, i've been so busy, but i'll try my best to update regularly. This is quite a sad chapter, but don't worry, it won't all be like this, enjoy.


	6. God how she had loved him

The sound of Matt’s alarm forced him awake with a groan at 5am the next morning, his head throbbing and memories vague of the night before. He reaches over for his phone to turn his alarm off with half opened eyes before closing them again and trying to recall what had happened last night. He remembers the awful fight with Alex, and thinks’ it’s something he’ll never forget, but after that all he remembers was ringing Kaz and Darvill and then going out to a club in Cardiff.

He decides that he better get up as he has work in an hour, although he is dreading seeing Alex more than anything in the world. Only when he’s about to sit up does he register the person lying beside him. ‘ _What_?’ he thinks ‘ _Who the?...oh god no_.’ Last night suddenly comes rushing back to him. Going to the club with Arthur and Karen, getting absolutely hammered and then, then taking a girl home, and well, the rest is obvious, oh god, he didn’t even remember her name.

He soon realises the girl stirring and she wakes up to face him with a smile, he can’t deny that she’s attractive, she had dark hair with matching dark eyes, and a sleek figure, but it was nothing compared to waking  up next to Alex in the morning. _‘Oh God, Alex…_ ’ he thought to himself ‘ _What if she heard me last night, or…or saw us come back, then she’ll think I never meant anything I had said_.’ But then he realises that it was her that said she didn’t want anything to happen between them and feels more hurt than guilt.

The nameless girl in his bed places a kiss to his cheek and then rolls off the bed to get changed into what he is presuming are last night’s clothes. He wonders how to tell her ‘oh Hi so, yeah about last night…the truth is I’m in love with an amazing woman and it was all one huge mistake, massive. Sorry.’ But it turns out he didn’t have too when she turns around to him as she’s getting dressed, “Look, Matt, right?” she questions.

“Erm…yeah, yeah I’m Matt”

She smiles, “Of course you are. Anyway about last night, let’s not make a big deal out of it alright? It didn’t mean anything to me, and as my name isn’t ‘Alex’ I’m pretty sure it didn’t mean anything to you.”

He looks at her confused for a second, grateful that he wasn’t the one that had to say it but…”What do you mean ‘as my name isn’t Alex’?” he raises a brow at her in confusion…he hadn’t spoken to her about Alex had he?

“Well, let’s just say, my name is Hayleigh, and that certainly wasn’t what you were calling me last night, if you understand where I’m going?”

Oh god. He’d been calling her Alex. Matt feels heat rush up towards his cheeks, she isn’t even there and yet it’s her fault he’s blushing. “Oh…erm, I- sorry about that” he gives her an awkward smile and she just laughs, and while he regrets doing what he did last night, he is thank full that it is her he took home, she seems to understand that he was drunk and it was a mistake without him having to say anything, also she seems so easy going and he’s grateful it wasn’t one of those clingy girls he had encountered with before that he’d taken home.

“Oh don’t worry about it. I’ll let myself out, it was nice meeting you Matt.” And with that she winks at him and exits his apartment.

“Bye, and thanks” he calls out as the door closes behind her. And with that he gets up, showers and prepares for the day ahead of him, a day he knew would be full of tension, awkwardness and a hell of a lot of pain, because how could he see her, be around her, and not flirt like they used to, or wrap her in his arms like he _wants_ to. This was going to be a long day.

 

\---

 

When Alex woke up to her alarm after only a couple of hours sleep, her eyes were swollen and she ached everywhere, she realized she must have been crying in her sleep, which is no surprise as she had fallen asleep crying, and she has an awful ache in her chest. She knows that it was her decision to not get involved with Matt, to not be in a relationship with him, and he probably thinks she’s not hurting at all when really, it’s breaking her heart and she hasn’t even had to see him yet, lord knows how she’s going to control her emotions, but they’re both professionals and at her age, she can’t just give up a job. Plus, she loves playing River more than most characters she’s ever played before.

She remembers that Salome arrived yesterday and just when she thinks she’s incapable of smiling, she drags herself out of bed, opens her daughter’s door and smiles at her fast asleep. Alex hates having to wake her but she’d promised that she would take her to work today and also she wanted to spend as much time with her little girl as possible, she was the only thing keeping Alex sane the night before, and Alex had never been more grateful to have her baby with her. Even if she doesn’t have Matt, she has Salome to help her through, just seeing her little girl smile makes Alex feel warm inside and she knows that, that smile will be the only thing getting her through this day. Thank god for her little miracle, she thinks. She walks over to her little girl and sits on the edge of her bed.

“Salome, up you get darling” she calmly says while stroking her hair from her face. When Salome opens her eyes and smiles brightly at Alex, she has never been more grateful for her daughter being a morning person, she looks at her smiling and she knows that with her little girl with her, things have to be okay.

Alex and Salome get up and head to the kitchen to make breakfast and Salome insists on pancakes, and Alex is in no mood to argue.

“Can I have chocolate chips mum?”

“Oh honey, I don’t think we have any”

“oh…” Alex looks at her daughter and she doesn’t see her often enough to let her down. “I know who does have some though, Karen! Shall I pop upstairs to her apartment and ask her for some?” Alex asks and is delighted to see her daughters face light up.

“Yes please!” Salome answers excitedly

“Okay, you stay here a minute” and with that Alex leaves still dressed in her night gown, but it doesn’t matter to her because only Who cast stay in these apartments, and at that moment she just hopes she doesn’t see Matt.

Alex begins walking down the hallway, deciding she’ll walk quickly past Matts apartment when his door opens ‘ _oh god no, please no’_ she thinks to herself, but when she’s preparing to see him, a woman walks out of his front door and shuts it behind her, ‘ _oh’_ thinks Alex, ‘ _Of course, he’s had another woman already. How stupid of you Alex, to think he ever really loved you, because how could he, if he could move on so easily.’_ Alex begins to feel tears well in her eyes but she tells herself she cannot cry. She walks quickly past the girl, the young, thin, beautiful girl that smiles at her. ‘ _Who can blame him really, she’s beautiful and I’m old’_ she thinks as she walks up the stairs towards Karens apartment, and then the tears come, she knows that it’s her fault, and that she told him it could never work, but it’s a good job really because clearly it meant nothing to him. Her tears refuse to stop falling and she knows she has to stop being so stupid and get back to her little girl. ‘ _Right, Alex, get a grip, grow up.’_ She scolds herself.

Alex wipes the stray tears from her face and gets to Karens door. She gets the chocolate chips from Karen, with little conversation, which is unusual for Karen and Alex wonders if Matt ha told her what a bitch she had been to him and _oh God, he’s told people. How could he? No_ she thinks to herself _He cannot just do that._ Her feelings changed from hurt to anger in seconds and he could not just go around telling people. So although she had to get back to her daughter, she decided to make a quick stop first.

 

\---

 

Matt gets out of bed and jumps in the shower trying to rid all thoughts of what he would have to face today. He decided that he had to fake a smile, just get on with his life, because although he had grown to love Alex throughout the years and he thought he had finally gotten somewhere, he was used to having to hide his feelings, and now they weren’t even friends, so surely it would be easier right? _Oh who am I kidding?_

He steps out of the shower and wraps a towel round his waist, he’s about to get dressed when there’s a knock at the door, and he thinks it’s probably just Karen coming to scold him for last night. He’d told her what had happened between Alex because she was the only person he _could_ talk too, and she uderstood him but he knew she’s be annoyed that he took home someone else after his fight with Alex, because Karen thought that the two of them were made for each other even if Karen didn’t believe it.

When he got to the door and flung it open, Alex was the last person her expected to see, and before he could even say anything she was barging into his apartment. ‘Come in why don’t you’ Matt mutters and shuts the door behind her.

“How could you tell people? You think telling Karen is going to make you feel better huh? Why would you tell people Matt?!” She didn’t want to give him time to butt in, she was angry.

Matt laughed bitterly “Firstly, yes I told Karen, she’s my best friend and after you broke my heart I needed someone to talk to and she’s known how I felt about you since, well for the good part of a year, okay? Secondly, you can’t just barge into my apartment anymore and thirdly, you might be strong enough to handle all this, all by yourself, but I’m not, so sorry I’m not tough like you, maybe I should learn to bottle everything up and push people away _just like you_.” _Oh god._ He doesn’t mean to be horrible to her in anyway, if he had it his way, he would try to make her happier than she ever could be, but she won’t _let_ him so what was he supposed to do?

“You needed someone to talk to? Is that what that girl was last night Matt? A shoulder to cry on?” _Oh god when had they become this?_ She thinks to herself she never wanted them to end up _hating_ each other, and God she couldn’t hate him at all, not after being in love with him for over a year _God_ how she had loved him. She knew she had no right to be angry at him for being with another woman, well _girl_ but it hurt, because she had pushed him away, yeah she had told him that it wouldn’t work, but he thinks that she’s strong enough and he thinks that she isn’t hurting, and he couldn’t be more wrong.

_Oh God, she had seen her_ thinks Matt, but what right did she have. “Wha…Alex- I- You know, what business is it of yours what that girl was doing here? You want to know what she was doing here. She was just here for a quick shag to be honest, because I can shag whoever I want, I can date whoever I want, _hell_ I can marry anyone I want, so what. Does. It. Have. To. Do. With. You?!” His voice cracks throughout his sentence, and he doesn’t want her hurting, he hates her to be broken but he has to let his anger out because she _hurt_ him.

Alex listening to him speak felt herself well up _oh god don’t cry_ she thinks to herself. She has to stay strong, she just has too, and it’s killing her, but she has to let him do this, she understands that she hurt him and she deserves everything he gives her. “You know Matt, you’re right. Can you just… Don’t _tell_ anyone else _please._ And Matt, can we just- look I know I hurt you…I- I’m sorry can we just be civil Matt, we’re professionals and we can’t let this get in the way.” She’s tired, tired of arguing, tired of fighting.

Matt can see this sadness in her eyes, the tiredness and he finally realises that she’s hurting too, that she’s scared, and it doesn’t ease his pain at all to see her hurting too, if anything I increases his pain so he knows he has to be rational. “Yeah, no of course, I won’t tell anyone else. We don’t really have a choice Alex we have to be civil.” He says in a calmer voice, Alex nods, tears in her eyes and turns for the door, “And Alex” she turns back to face him “Don’t do anything stupid okay?” She thinks she see’s love in his eyes for a second but it disappears quickly.

“What does it matter to you Matt? We’re not even friends anymore right?” And with that she opens the door and leaves closing it behind her. She doesn’t make it half way down the corridor without bursting out into tears and puts her head In her hands. She quickly gets over her break down taking deep breaths and getting back to her miracle little girl.

\---

When she says that and leaves, he realises what he’s done. She had hurt him, but he hurt her just as much, she ended whatever relationship could have happened, but he ended the strong friendship they had, had for years. And now she thinks he doesn’t care and oh god, he couldn’t care more about her if he _tried._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God guys sorry it's been so long since i last updated I've had so much work to do! I didn't have long to write this chapter so i'm not sure it's the best but i hope you enjoy it. Will try to update asap.
> 
> Kudos and Comments are much appreciated Xx


	7. I kind of hate me too.

That day at work, both Matt and Alex avoid each other whenever they’re not doing scenes together. Matt still plays around with Salome and Alex is grateful to him for not letting this effect her little girl, Matt and Salome had always gotten along so well and Salome adored Matt.

It carried on that way for weeks, neither of them would talk to each other unless filming a scene, when acting, nothing had changed, and she never suspected it would, he was a brilliant actor and she expected nothing less than professionalism. The only thing that worried her now, was the fact that everyone else was beginning to notice the bitterness between the two of them, well how could they not. Matt and Alex used to be practically joined at the hip, he’d always bring her tea on their breaks and they would always sit together at lunch, and flirt regardless of whether they were filming or not. People were beginning to ask questions and Alex had never been happier that she would be leaving for LA in less than 2 weeks.

Alex was ever so grateful to have her daughter with her at work, she felt so distant from everyone now and she constantly worried that Matt had told everyone and they’d hate her. She thinks that’s what had happened with Karen because they’re relationship had changed, Karen and Alex weren’t extremely close before but they were friends, and now they barely said two words to each other. Alex was glad for Arthur’s friendship, things never seemed to change between them, and they remained the same as they always had, good friends.

Alex was more than surprised one lunch time when she was sitting outside with her daughter, when Karen walked up to them and sat down next to Alex, Salome was too busy drawing to pay any mind to her presence.

“Alexxxx, hi” said Karen in an extremely cheery tone, the one that Alex is most used too. Perhaps she was mistaken; perhaps things between her and Karen were fine.

“Hello darling” Alex smiles softly at the young bouncy girl. But suddenly Karen smile falls a bit and it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, “is everything okay love?” Alex asks concern in her voice.

“Yeah, listen Alex, I erm… I wanted to apologize for erm, well if I’ve seemed distant lately it’s just- well…”

_Oh bless her_ thinks Alex, “Karen, honey it’s fine. I know that you know about what happened between me and Matt and I understand if you hate me” she laughs nervously “I kind of hate me too”

“No, no Alex you’ve got it all wrong. I don’t hate you, I would never hate you! It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to you, I just- well I didn’t know what to say, I erm, I understand why you did what you did and I’m not going to judge you, sure Matt’s my good friend, but so are you” Karen smiles lightly at Alex and her heart melts at how lovely she’s being when all this time she had thought that she hated her.

Alex smiled warmly at Karen and placed a hand over hers on the table, “It’s okay, well thank you for being so understanding, I would completely understand if you did hate me, I erm- I know I hurt Matt but I… it wasn’t easy for me and I’m not really sure he knows that”

Karen looks at Alex sympathetically, shaking her head “I think he knows, I uh, I think he realised that you’re hurting too, and Alex, believe me when I say it isn’t easy for him to not be even friends with you, I’ve never known him to be so unhappy”

“It was his choice Karen, I hate that he’s hurting but I don’t know what more I can do” making sure she lowers her voice so that her daughter doesn’t hear “I had to think about my little girl too” she says looking over at her daughter far away in her daydreams “and for Matt as well, I’m not young like you Arthur and Matt, his career could take a turn for the worse if we ever got involved. Also, I can’t give him what he deserves, I couldn’t give him children and I wouldn’t be enough. I love him Karen, I really do and I know I never even gave him a chance but he _couldn’t_ want me, not _really_.”

Alex is shocked and a little hurt when Karen begins to laugh “Oh Alex” she sighs “Alex, Alex, Alex, you’re completely oblivious aren’t you?” she says and Alex looks at her confused and her brow raised “Firstly Matt doesn’t care about your age difference, he never has, and if it doesn’t matter to him, why should it matter to anyone else? Secondly Salome adores Matt and he adores her” Alex opens her mouth to speak but Karen doesn’t let her “one sec, just let me finish. Thirdly being with you is _enough_ for him, you’re all he talks about did you know that? You’re enough, and he _does_ want you.” Alex can’t understand what she’s saying because if he loved her then why did she see that girl leave his apartment, if he loved her why couldn’t they be friends. Confused, her eyes begin to glaze over, “oh” Karen says, “Alex, please don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

“No, no it’s fine, it erm, it’s not you. It’s just I don’t understand Karen. You say all this about him loving me that I’m all he needs, but if that’s true, the night _after_ he told me how much he loved me, why did he sleep with someone else, I mean if he cared as much as you say he did then why wasn’t he upset? He obviously didn’t care that much if he can just go off with someone else and I know that it was after I told him nothing could happen between us, but if he meant it he wouldn’t be able to get over it in what, a few hours? If he loved me then why can’t he bare to be my friend Karen?” She wiped a stray tear that had fallen down her cheek, she had been so emotional lately and she hated it, she was never a strong person, but she had barriers and she used to be able to keep them closed until she was alone, but now she just finds herself crying, _pull yourself together_ she thinks.

“I really think you two have a lot more to say to each other Alex, because, well I can’t speak _for_ Matt, but I know that he hates not being anything to you anymore, but I don’t think he knows _how_ to just be friends with you anymore, I don’t think he knows how to hide how his feelings anymore. I can’t say why he slept with that girl, but he was just trying to forget Alex, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. But seriously, you’re both hurting, and well, I think you could be really great together and I just think you should _talk_ to him, that’s all.” Alex knows that she’s right, they need to talk it out, not fight or argue, not scream and shout, just speak to each other, like adults and figure out this mess they’d gotten themselves in to, after all it had been 2 weeks and surely Matt had calmed down, but what if he didn’t want to talk to her.

Alex smiled at Karen, trying her best to make it seem legit “Thank you Karen, really it means a lot and I’m glad I spoke to you. I want to talk to Matt more than anything but what if he doesn’t want to talk to me?” She tucks a stray curl behind her ear, she’s nervous about talking to Matt, because she doesn’t want to see him hurt any more than she already has.

“Just let me talk to him, okay?” Karen said her cheery tone back “I’ll figure it out, but promise me one thing Alex?”

“Of course?”

“Promise me that you’ll hear him out, just let him say what he needs to say because you two- erm, I really think you’re made for each other even if he is a stupid clumsy oaf.” Alex can’t help but smile at the young girl, she cares so much for her friends and it really shows.

“Yes dear, I promise I’ll hear him out, as long as he hears me out too.” With that Karen puts her hand on Alex’s arm and gets up to leave.

“And Karen, thank you.”

“Any time, what are amazing friends  for eh” she winks at Alex, “see ya later Salome” Karen says walking over and ruffling the little girls hair, but Salome barely plays her any mind mumbling a quick “bye Kaz” and getting back to her drawing.

When Karen leaves Alex goes over and over what she might say to Matt, she hopes he gives her a chance because she thinks so much went unsaid, she never really explained how much she was hurting or how sorry she was and how much he meant to her, she realised that she was selfish and while she was trying to protect herself, she damaged him more. She decides that she’ll go and see him after work tomorrow, when Salome goes to see her grandparents for the night. She knows that they can’t carry on avoiding each other. She’s soon called to set and Salome goes off to play with Matt _Oh he’s so good with her_ she thinks as she watches them play, _tomorrow_ she thinks _tomorrow we’ll talk and hopefully get our friendship back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a 'filler' chapter if you like, hope you enjoy.
> 
> Kudos and Comments are much appreciated Xx


	8. We all use the future to escape the present

It had been two weeks, two weeks since their friendship had ended and he missed her, he didn’t know who to _be_ without her, she had been his friend for so long now that it felt so strange that they weren’t talking now, he never thought that it would come to this, and he wishes that it hadn’t. He used to look at her and see such bright happy eyes, such a beautiful happy smile, and now when he looks at her, he see’s pain and tiredness and she’s still just as beautiful as she has always been, but she’s broken, more broken that she used to be. He always used to swear to himself that if he ever met Ralph or Florian, he’d kill them for hurting her, and now, he had hurt her. Suddenly his feelings don’t matter to him, sure she hurt him, but he could forgive her for anything, hell she could murder someone and he’d forgive her because he _loves_ her, and then he suddenly realises how stupid he was saying that they couldn’t be friends, because if he _really_ wanted to be with her, he’d fight with everything he had and to do that right? He thinks about how hurt she must be, her seeing that girl leave his apartment the other week and how it must have felt for her and _oh I’ve been so stupid._

If he wants to end up with her then he needs to let her know that she has him, in any way she wants, because she’s Alex and she _needs_ someone, and he wants to be everything for her, as well as her he wants to be there for her little girl, who he adores more than anyone, he’s glad that he’s still been able to see her and look after her like he used to, he decides then, that Alex and her little girl are all he really needs, weather Alex decides she wants to be with him or now, he needs to know there’s an chance. He’s distracted from his thoughts when…

“Oi, stupid face!” Karen calls from across the set.

“What do you want moon head?”

She gets over to where he’s sitting and sits close, no one else is around to hear their conversation and she’s glad she’ll be able to speak to him “Well, what I really want is for you to stop being so miserable but that won’t happen until you man up and _really_ talk to Alex, you’re both miserable and you need to do something about it!”

Matt sighs “Yes Kaz, I know”

“Oh, well that was easier than I thought, so are you going to talk to her? I know you think she doesn’t want to be with you but you just need to _prove_ to her okay? She’s been hurt way too much in the past, she needs to know you aren’t the same.”

“Oh Kaz” he sighs “I’ve _tried_ to prove it to her.”

Karen sniggers at that “Matt, you gave up the _first_ time she shot you down, if you love her then you _keep_ trying, do you understand? You two are _made_ for each other, she’s just too scared to do anything about it. You’ve loved her for what? The best part of two years so you _keep_ trying, you. Do. Not. Give. Up” she punches him in the arm to each of the last four words.

Matt whines “owww, Kaz alright okay, I get it. Believe me it’s all I’ve been thinking about for two weeks so I’ll talk to her alright? I will- I’ll erm, you know even to be her friend right now would make me better so I _will_ talk to her, well if she gives me the chance.”

“She’ll give you the chance, trust me, we spoke yesterday and you just need to _both_ figure things out, just, God you can make each other so happy, Just. Do. Something.” She smiles at him and gets up to walk off, “Laterz Matthew” she winks and walks off, “cheers Kaz” Matt calls after her.

Matt’s glad to have a friend like Kaz, she’s always trying to fix things but she’s right, he needs to figure things out, he just needs to _be_ there for her, because he knows she isn’t as strong as she makes out, he decides that after work he’ll go and see her, and he’ll sort this out, he _has_ to.

 

\---

 

Alex gets home from  dropping Salome at her sisters, she _has_ to go and talk to Matt today because she just can’t carry on the way they are, so she gets home and she goes to shower, going over and over what she’ll say to him when she does go and see him, she’s nervous to talk to him and that’s crazy to her because out of every one, every friend she’s ever had he was always the one she could talk to about anything and now- now she’s scared to even look at him in the eyes and she hates what they’ve become. She just wants to go and see him and just straighten this mess they’ve made out, so she quickly washes her hair, gets out the shower and wraps a towel around herself, when suddenly there’s a knock at the door, _oh God, who the hells that_ she thinks looking down at herself and realising she can’t answer the door in her bath towel. _Oh screw it_ she thinks as the person at her door knocks again, “Coming!” she calls and walks over to the door.

When she swings the door open, and sees Matt standing there, a nervous smile and fringe in his face, her knees nearly give way, and _what is he doing here,_ then she realises she hasn’t said anything. “Matt, I- erm, Hi” she smiles at him but it doesn’t reach her eyes and she knows he can see right through her.

“Alex, Hi, listen are you busy? Sorry to just turn up it’s just, we erm, we need to talk” He runs his hand through his hair like he always does when he’s nervous and she just wants to reach over and do it for him, when she remembers that she lost that right a couple of weeks ago when she _broke_ his heart.

“yeah of course, come in, I- erm I was going to come and see you tonight anyway” she replies nervously and he walks past her and into her apartment.

“Oh right, is Salome at your sisters then? She was really excited talking about seeing her cousins today.” Alex notices how his face lights up completely when he talks about Salome and _oh God he’s adorable_ she thinks to herself.

“Yeah I got back not long ago, she loves it there. Erm tea?” she asks nervously but Matt doesn’t reply, she watches as his eyes scan over her and then she realises that she’s in just a towel and that she should probably get dressed if she wants to have a proper conversation with him.

“Listen, make yourself at home, you know where everything is, I’m just going to go and get dressed.” Then Alex walks into her bedroom leaving Matt thinking about how beautiful she is.

 

\---

 

As soon as she opens the door and he sees her standing there in nothing but her towel, with no makeup and her hair damp and still just as magnificent, he can’t take his eyes off her, he’s always known how beautiful she was, but he had been so caught up in being _angry_ at her that he just hasn’t really _seen_ her lately, he’d been so caught up in being mad at her that he had forgotten how much he _adored_ her, and he really did. Now he was sitting in her living room waiting for her to come back out so that he can sort this mess out, because even if she won’t let him love her, he can at least be there for her when she needs someone, and he _knows_ she needs someone, even if she says otherwise. He needs to get through to her.

Alex walks out of her room in a plain black vest top and a pair of leggings, her hair up in a messy bun and her skin pale, free of makeup and yet Matt still thinks she’s the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on, he thinks he’ll never be able to get enough of her, he smiles at her, and she smiles back, and yet still, it isn’t a real smile, he can see the hurt behind it.

“Erm, I hope you don’t mind, I made us both tea” he says brushing his fringe from his face and smiling nervously. She doesn’t really understand why he’s being so lovely, _why’s he being so lovely?_ She thought to herself _he must hate me._  

“Wha- Lex I don’t hate you.” Oh crap she’d been speaking out loud, _why_ did she say that out loud!

“You think I hate you?” He asks and his eyes have fallen so much, and oh god she didn’t want to hurt him anymore, but she really did think that and how could he not?

“Well” she laughed nervously “I wouldn’t really blame you darling.” She says taking a seat next to him on the sofa, they sit quite close, but not close enough for him, it’s never close enough.

“Lex listen” he pauses and she smiles because he’s calling her ‘Lex’ and she _missed_ that, she never let anyone else call her that, no one other than him, “I don’t hate you okay? I could never- I’ve never hated you. I came over here because I hate this, this mess that we’ve created, _I_ created and I’m sorry and…”

Alex cuts him off “Hang on, Matt you don’t need to apologise okay, if any one should be apologising it’s me, and I’ve _wanted_ to apologise for two weeks, I’ve wanted to talk to you but I didn’t know _how_ I didn’t know what to say, but Matt, I just, I want us to be talking again, I _miss_ you Matt, I miss my best friend.”

A curl falls loose and falls in Alex’s face, and without really thinking about it Matt reaches over a tucks it before her ear and she freezes under his touch, it burns at her skin and it’s the best feeling she’s ever felt, and just as quickly as his hand was there, it’s gone, and they’re both disappointed at the loss of contact, just that small touch makes them _feel_ things.

“I miss you too” he smiles at her and it _finally reaches his eyes_ which makes her smile, then Matt speaks again “I want us to be friends again Lex, I know that’s all you want it to be and _fine,_ but I won’t give up on you, I can’t give up on you, I won’t stop trying. I _know_ what you’re thinking, I know that you think that your age matters to me, and you think you’re not enough, and you think things will go wrong but you _have_ to stop using the future to escape the present. I’m not going to push you, but I won’t give up on you, I just can’t, and these past two weeks I’ve realised that I need you in my life, whether it be just as my friend, my _best friend_ or if you give me the chance to _love_ you like I want to, either way, I _need_ you, okay?”

She feels herself beginning to cry but she holds it back and she just smiles at him because he’s telling her that they can go back to the friendship they had _right?_ “Oh Matt, thank God because I miss our friendship more than you know, but Matt, I don’t want you to wait for me, I don’t want you to miss your chance with anyone else, just, go and be happy, you’ll find someone and we can go back to being the best friends we are, I just want you to be happy. But- I mean, us, are we okay now?”

He almost laughs at her because she thinks he’s just going to let her go and that won’t happen “Well, I don’t want anyone else, there’s no one else okay? Just take your time, but I will make you realise, just give me time and I’ll make you see. But for now, if it’s what you want then yes we’re fine now, and thank God because Its been breaking my heart seeing you on set, pain behind those beautiful eyes, and not being able to do anything, so from now on, we’re back to normal okay, and I’m here for you, always.” He moves over on the sofa until he’s right next to her and he wraps his arms around her, and she holds on to him so tight, and she can’t stop smiling because they’re _friends_ again, she knows that eventually he’ll give up with trying to win her over, and it will hurt because God she _loves_ him, but it will be best for him, and that’s all she wants.

“Do you want to stay for a glass of wine?” She asks, just wanting to get things back to normal.

“With you Kingston, always” he winks and she gets up to grab two glasses and a bottle of white, and she just can’t stop smiling, finally things can go back to normal, she pushes aside the fact that she could have everything she wants with him because she knows for now, this is enough and soon he’ll move on, so for now, she’s grateful that they’re back on speaking terms, _God she’s missed him._

_\---_

He stays sat on her sofa, smiling because this is the first step, now he’s just glad that he can talk to her again, now he just needs to make her realise what he can give her, and how much he loves her, _he will not give up, never._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit happier for you all. Yay! Will update again soon. Enjoy my lovelys.
> 
> Kudos and Comments much appreciated Xx


	9. she had come back into his life like a sudden flame

They stay up talking all night, just talking about things that had happened while they weren’t talking. They mostly talk about Salome, and Alex does her best to avoid the subject of any girls Matt picked up after the one she saw come out of his apartment, and she hopes that he won’t bring it up. When she mentions going back to LA she notices Matt’s smile drop and his eyes sadden, but only for a split second and then he asks her how long she has till she goes back, and she informs him that it’s just under two weeks. They carry on talking and laughing for hours, and eventually the tiredness catches up with Alex and she falls asleep against Matt’s shoulder.

Matt watches Alex sleeping, grateful that they can talk and have fun like this again. He can’t stop thinking about her having to go back to LA, and he knows that he _has_ to win her over before then. He regrets all the time he wasted being a complete idiot, and knows he has to make her realise how much he _needs_ her and soon. He absentmindedly pushes her hair back from her face and strokes her forehead, he soon becomes tired himself and decides it’s probably best he goes home, so he stands up and puts one arm under Alex’s knees and one under her shoulders and picks her up, she stirs a bit and then opens her eyes briefly, she wraps her arms around Matt’s neck, smiles at him and whispers “Thank you” as he takes her into her bedroom, then she closes her eyes again and falls back into a deep sleep. Matt pulls the covers back and lays Alex down carefully before pulling the cover back over her and placing a quick kiss to her forehead.

“Goodnight Kingston” he whispers, then he quickly grabs a glass of water and a couple of ibuprofen and places them on her bed side table, he knows how bad her hangovers could be and she had, had loads of wine, then he quickly scribbles a note out, and makes his way to his apartment. That night, they both sleep better than they have in weeks.

 

xxx

 

 

Alex wakes to the bright light shining through her window, feeling more hung over than she has in months, and she thanks God that it’s a Saturday and she doesn’t have work, and that she won’t have to go and get her daughter until tomorrow. She rolls over and notices the tablets and water that Matt had left and _God bless that man_ she thinks to herself as she knocks back the ibuprofen and takes a swig of water. She notices the note he’s left…

_Morning Kingston!! How’s the hangover?;) Take the tablets, get dressed then come over, I’ve got pancakes!! See you soon. Mxxx_

She can’t help but smile at this lovely man, but _him cook?_ She thinks, _I better get over there before he really injures himself, that brilliant clumsy man_. So she gets up throws on one of her summer dresses and looks in the mirror, _God, what a state_ she thinks to herself, but she’s hungry so she takes her hair out and throws it up in a bun again, she applies some lipstick then grabs her sun glasses because _God_ you can tell she’s hung-over, then she leaves and heads for Matts apartment down the hall. On her way she thinks about this time yesterday, how miserable she had been and then she realises that she’s this happy all because of Matt and she thinks that maybe…

“Kingston!!” Matt shouts as he answers the door and when she hold her head in her hands he remembers, “Oh, shit sorry Kingston” he whispers smiling before ushering her inside.

“Hello darling” Alex pats his arm walking past him and into his kitchen “Thank you for the tablets dear, you know me so well, they were much needed” she says taking a seat at his breakfast bar.

“Anytime Kingston, I know how you get with hangovers, now, you came just in time, I thought I was going to eat all of these by myself” he says grabbing two plates of pancakes from the side, Alex’s mouth waters when she sees the strawberries and chocolate sauce on top of the pancakes _how did he know that was her favourite?_ He places her plate in front of her and grabs the pot of coffee he prepared, “Your favourite Kingston, Pancakes and coffee” he says winking at her and handing her a fork.

“Oh god, you’re amazing did you know that? This is just what I need! Thank you love.” Alex says taking a mouthful of pancakes and a sip of coffee, she hums in agreement and makes a noise that she’s sure isn’t human “God, these are brilliant Matt, who knew you could cook!”

Matt wishes she would stop making noises like that because it _does_ things too him, “yeah well there’s a lot you don’t know about me Kingston” he winks and delves in to his pancakes. They eat in relative, comfortable silence Alex occasionally making noises of agreement while eating her pancakes and sipping her coffee.

Matt breaks the silence, “Did you mean it?” he isn’t sure where he’s going with this but he says it anyway. Confused, Alex finishes that last mouthful of her pancakes before speaking, “Did I mean what Matthew?” to be honest, she’s worried about what he means because he has _that_ look in his eyes.

“The other week, you said that… erm you said that you loved me too and, well, did you mean it?” He says, running his hand through his fringe, _Oh god not this again, we only just sorted things_ thinks Alex, and what is she supposed to say because _yes_ of course she meant it, but she doesn’t want to lead him on, but she decided there would be no more lying, so taking a deep breath and calming herself down, she answers “I erm- I’d never lie about something like that Matt” she smiles nervously taking another sip of her coffee.

“Okay right, well like I said yesterday, I’m not going to push you, we’re still friends, we just need to have this conversation alright? I just, I need you to tell me what you’re scared of, cause I have to try and fix that, I don’t want you to be scared anymore.” He looks at her with so much love, and his tone is one of such caring and she just wants to jump on him and kiss him and just _be_ with him, and she’d do anything if she thought it would help, so she tells him, she tells him what she’s scared of, “I, erm… I don’t really know where to start Matt.”

“Just, say whatever comes to your mind, just say the truth.” He smiles at her and she relaxes.

“Okay, well erm I-" The next part comes out a little rushed at first "I’m scared to give in to you, because I fell in love with you before you were even trying, we’ve never been a couple, never really been together and I love you more than I thought possible, and I’ve been married _twice,_ and that’s what scares me most, that if I really had you, I’d fall more and more in love with you, and so we’d be together, and I’m sure it would be great for a few weeks, months maybe, but eventually, eventually Matt, you’d get tired of me, just like everyone does, or- or you’d find someone else, someone younger, more attractive, someone who can give you all the things you deserve, I wish I could be that for you but I can’t, I’m old and, and I’m broken you don’t _need me Matt…”_

Matt makes to cut in but Alex doesn’t let him, “No I’m not finished. I’m also scared because I’ve seen you with Salome, and _my god_ you’re brilliant with her, and I know how much you love kids, but _I can’t give you children,_ ever Matt, I could never give you children” She realizes that she’s beginning to cry but she has to carry on, because he _needs_ to know that it’s not him, it’s her “ I’m scared that one day, you’ll see me and you won’t like what you see, I’m scared that you’ll fall in love with someone else, I’m scared that you’ll break my heart, and I wouldn’t survive it, but most of all, most of all I’m scared that you’d wake up one morning and realise you could have had someone better, had something different, I don’t want to, but I _have_ to let you go, do you see now?” She’s crying profusely by now and Matt’s moved over to her side trying to wipe the tears from her cheeks, he takes her in his arms and holds her in a tight embrace, “Sorry Lex, I didn’t, I didn’t want to upset you” he says softly in her ear “but now it’s my turn okay? I need to tell you why you’re wrong, why you don’t need to be scared anymore alright?” She nods, signalling him to carry on.

“I’m just as scared as you are, believe me I’m terrified, in all my life I never thought it possible to love someone like I love you, I’ve never believed all that crap about love at first sight, I thought love was just a myth, and then I met _you,_ and everything changed for me, now I believe it all, because you’re my soul mate, I know, I really truly know that you’re the woman I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with, I know that we belong together and don’t ask me how, I just _know.”_ He tilts her head up so she’s looking him in the eye and he pushes her lose curls out of her face “ I would _never_ get tired of you, and you might not believe me but sometimes you just _have_ to trust me, because I know that there will never be anyone else. You’re right, you are broken, but you have _got_ to let me try and fix you, I would do anything in my power if I thought it would make you happy, hell if I could go back in time, I’d kick the shit out of every person that ever hurt you, if I could I’d erase ever bad thought you have, I’d spend my whole life trying to make you happy, if you’d _just let me_ Lex.”

He pauses for a moment, and just stares in to her eyes, those beautiful eyes that he will never tire of, he knows what he’s said isn’t enough and what he’s about to say won’t be either, and he _will_ prove it to her, but she just has to give him a chance, wiping at the stray tears on her cheeks he places a kiss to her forehead before continuing.

“You’re right, I want children, always have, but don’t you _see,_ if you’d just let me in, if you’d give in to your feelings, I’d be gaining the most amazing little girl in the world, I love Salome as if she were my child! I adore her and we get on so well, _that’s_ enough for me Lex, you and Salome. That. Is. Enough. I could never ask for anything more, I’d never want anything more, I wouldn’t need children, because _you’d_ be my family and I’d already have one. I would _never_ break your heart, please, please know that I would never hurt you and I can _promise_ you, that if you let me, I would wake up _every_ morning, and thank God that it’s your face I’d see, and I’d never wish for anything more than watching you sleep, or seeing you smile, you’re all that I want, Alexandra Elizabeth Kingston. You. Are. All. I. Need.” He bops her on the nose, and she’s still sitting down and he’s still standing in front of her and she can barely see him through the fresh tears clouding her eyes, he’s so wonderful and she loves him so much, and everything he said is great but she can’t be sure.

Noticing the doubt still on her face, Matt has an idea “Give me two weeks, two weeks to _prove_ to you that I meant everything I just said, and then in two weeks when you have to go back to LA, you can decide if you still only want to be friends, or you can decide to give in to me and just let me _love you._ Does that sound fair, two weeks and then you can end everything if it’s what you really want.”

Alex knows that it would be a bad idea to accept the offer, but being with him sounds so great and he’s not asking for a long term relationship, he’s just asking for two weeks, and so before she even registers what she’s doing, she nods and answers “yes” with tears noticeable in her voice.

She looks into Matts eyes and they smile at each other, he has two weeks, and he _will_ make her realize, without even thinking about it, Matt takes Alex’s face in his hands, wiping away yet again more tears, and he kisses her, he kisses her like he’s never going to let he go, and she kisses him back just as enthusiastically, melting into him like she’s wanted to since he opened the door. Matt bites at her bottom lip and she opens her mouth under his, the kiss seems to last forever, but also no time at all, Alex pulls away placing her hands on his chest as he kisses along her jaw and down her neck. She pushes him back so he’s looking her in the eye, “Two weeks, and then you accept my decision, no more trying, we just, we remain friends okay? And you have to promise me that no matter what happens, you won’t ever let this affect our friendship again Matt.”

He smiles into her neck, because yes, two weeks till she goes back to LA, but he will never give up, but deciding it probably best not to tell her that he nods his agreement “two weeks, that’s all I’m asking.”

Alex doesn’t know how she’s going to say goodbye to him when she goes back to LA, but she decides that she’ll deal with that when she has to, she’s just happy to be in his arms, at this moment “Well, we better make the most of the time we have.” She says winking at him, and before she knows it he’s picked her up, her legs around his waist and her hands in his air, kissing each other until they become breathless while he carries them in to his bed room.

Matt never intends on letting her go, she had come back into his life like a sudden flame and he was adamant to prove to her he could look after her and her daughter for the rest of his life if she’d let him and so he’ll show her, no matter what it takes he will show her, and this is where it begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy
> 
> Kudos and comments are wonderful Xx


	10. Now say you're a bird

Alex wakes up to Matt kissing her neck, his arms around her waist and their legs entangled as their naked forms press against each other and the feel of his bare flesh against hers is the best feeling she’ll ever have. After he’d taken her to his bed yesterday morning, they had spent all day and all night holding each other, and she had never felt so amazing, she doesn’t know how she’ll ever give him up, but she _has to and she will,_ however for now, she isn’t nearly finished with him.

“Mmmm, morning sweetie” says Alex, voice horse and rich with sleep as Matt leans over her, she pulls his face towards hers and smacks her lips against his, and _I could get used to this_ she thinks to herself but then she remembers, _No, you can’t get used to this because this isn’t forever._

“Hello gorgeous” he smiles down at her, he’s now practically on top of her and _God he’s sexy in the morning._ He runs his hands through her hair pushing it back from her face, and the look he gives her _scares_ her because he looks at her with so much love and she knows he can see right through her, he can see exactly what she’s thinking, and she’s never let someone _see_ her like this, she’s never let anyone in as much as she has him, not even her husbands, but she knows it’s because they were best friends first, he knows everything about her, good and bad, and look at him, he loves her regardless.

“What are you thinking about?” Matt asks, and Alex realizes she’s been staring at him for the good part of 5 minutes; she leans up and nips at his ear lobe before whispering in his ear.

“I’m thinking about all the things I’m going to do to you” she whispers, and she feels his length harden instantly against her thigh, she looks up at him, his eyes almost completely black and she’s sure it only reflects the look of hers, “god I want you so much” he says voice thick with arousal before he bends his head down and locks his lips with hers, she moans in to his mouth and opens her mouth for him as he nibbles at her bottom lip. They stay like that for minutes, with battling tongues and clashing teeth before the two of them become breathless and the kiss breaks, Matt collapses on her, absentmindedly kissing along her jaw and Alex has the opportunity to turn the tables so that it’s her against him and of course she takes the opportunity, flipping them over and pushing Matt into the mattress, she begins to kiss down his neck, along his collar bone, down his chest, along his torso, before she reaches the place she wants the most, she grasps his already rock hard length in her hand and it twitches at her touch, he moans above her “God Lex…I”

“Shh let me take care of you” she hushes, her hot breath against his cock, she kisses the tip before taking him in to her mouth all at once, humming against him knowing she can drive him mad. Matt’s hands grip Alex’s hair his knuckles almost turning white this woman _does_ things to him he’s never experienced before, and he thinks he might just come at the feel of her mouth around him.

Alex continues, taking Matt deep into her mouth and swirling her tongue around making Matt writhe above her, his hips bucking furiously but she manages to hold them down with her left hand. “Lex…uh love you have too- oh god Lex you’ve got to stop.” She releases him from her mouth with a pop looking up at him, “are you not enjoying it darling?” she asks with a knowing smirk on her face and a wink.

“I want to be _inside_ you, God I want you to come with me” he replies pulling her up and flipping them yet again so he’s above her, “You. Are. Beautiful” he whispers biting at her earlobe and kissing down her neck as she had him, he nips at the top of her breasts and then soothingly kisses over the places he’d marked, he then takes one of her already hardened nipple into his mouth sucking on it while he massages her other breast, he reaches down between her thighs and he can _feel_ the heat radiating from her core, he rubs gently at her clit, feeling her slickness on his fingers before she grabs his hand and pulls it away with  groan, he releases her nipple to look up at her.

“Stop messing around and just get inside me” she says her voice low and ever so sexy, and who is he to refuse her of what she’s demanding, _God he loves her,_ if he had her he wouldn’t need anyone again for the rest of his life, he wouldn’t _want_ anyone else for the rest of his life.

Alex grinds herself against him until he finally comes back from being lost in her eyes and he lines them up before slowly entering her, filling her inch by inch, they both gasp at the feel of each other and _how did I ever live without this_ thinks Alex, no one has ever made her feel the way Matt does. He stills inside her just to catch his breath, she seems to take his breath away so easily, everything she does just makes him _want_ her. She looks him in the eyes, runs her hands through his hair before pulling his head down and whispering in his ear “move darling.” And with that Matt begins to move, setting a steady rhythm as they both moan their pleasure and he whispers words of love in her ear “ I love you Lex” he moans to her, and _god his voice is so sexy_ she thinks, but when he says that, she feels so guilty, because in two weeks she’ll be leaving him and telling him they can still only be friends and yet she’s letting this happen but she just _needed_ him, so she decides she’ll think about the consequences when she really has to.

As Matt moves frantically inside her, getting faster and faster Alex feels her climax fast approach and the loss of rhythm and frantic moving means he’s close too “Oh Matt, fuck!” she cries out, she’s so, so close and she wants him with her “It’s okay love, let go… let go darling” she moans, wrapping her legs tighter around him, her nails scratching along his back, leaving marks anywhere she can. “Come with me” he says, voice low and horse, slamming into her and reaching between her to find her sensitive bundle of nerves, “Shit! I’m here darling- I- I’ll be right behind you” she says and at that she comes violently at the same time as Matt, both screaming each other’s names at their release and she’s sure that the whole building heard them but she doesn’t _care,_ because right now all she can see is him, and all she can hear is him and he’s all that matters.

Matt collapses on Alex, both breathless, Alex runs her hands over Matt’s sweat slicked back, kissing at the bite marks along his shoulders and down his neck and she doesn’t even remember doing that.  _He’s the best I’ll ever have_ she thinks to herself, eventually they both come down from their high and Matt slips out of her and lays down beside her, pulling Alex in to him and she curls herself in to him, feeling so safe in his embrace.

“God I could just do this forever” she says placing a kiss to Matt’s temple, and at his answer she regrets it, she should have seen it coming really, “why don’t you then?” Matt replies smiling at her and pushing her messy locks back off her face.

Alex’s face becomes more serious, and she decides she has to set some ground rules if this is going to work out, “darling, listen if we want these two weeks to work, we need to settle on some rules okay?”

“erm, yeah of course” Matt says nervously, and she never really understands why he gets so nervous around her, they’ve been friends for years and only now does he ever seem nervous.

“Don’t look so worried darling” she says patting his cheek, “right, rule number one is that when these two weeks are up, you appreciate my decision and we remain friends, nothing changes, okay?”

Matt nods, knowing it’s a lie but he’ll agree to anything to have these two weeks with her “of course Lex, yeah.”

“Right, okay good. Rule number two is that _no one_ can know, no one can find out and we have to be careful, alright? No silly mistakes, no slipping up. We can’t even tell Karen.” Matt smiles, “I think she might notice my ridiculous grin 24/7 but that’s fine, I’m sure I can keep it from Karen” in all truth, Matt isn’t sure how he’ll keep it to himself, he’s never been happier and he knows she says it’s only for two weeks but he’s going to make sure she never leaves him again, not permanently anyway, however he will try his best to hide how happy he is.

“Well, we can just say that we’re friends again, and that’s not exactly a lie is it?” she says kissing him quickly on the lips because she can’t just have him there and not do anything with him, Matt grabs her neck as she pulls away and presses his lips against hers, kissing her passionately and sliding his hands all over her body. Alex pushes him away placing her hands on his chest, “hang on mister, don’t try to distract me, there’s more. Rule number three, is that Salome cannot know about this, I have to go and pick her up tonight, and then we have to be especially careful, she’s going to stay with my parents for a few days but other than that she’ll be at home and we won’t be able to see each other as much, well not like _this_ anyway” she waves her hand between them.

Matt shakes his head “yes of course, but I can see you both, just as friends right?” he asks, worry on his face.

“Yes of course darling, don’t be silly. Right, fourth and final rule, I don’t want you to be hurt if it gets to the end of these two weeks and I decide I just want to be friends with you, I know we love each other, but sometimes, _sometimes_ Matt, that just isn’t enough, and I need to know that you’ll go out and find someone else, and be happy, and I’ll just be thank full for this time we did spend together, so what I’m trying to say is, just- well, just don’t get your hopes up too high, okay darling?”

 _Oh god_ thinks Matt, her saying things like that makes him feel awful, because she thinks he could just move on and forget and find someone else, and she couldn’t be more wrong, but she _will_ see eventually, because he’ll make her, deciding it best to just agree with everything he nods his head “Alright Kingston, no getting hopes up, I’ve got it, I understand all the rules, now…” he smirks grabbing her and pulling her on top of him “let me have my way with you” he says grinning up at her, bus she pushes him and attempts to get up, “darling” she giggles “I can’t I’ve got to go and get Salome in a bit, and I need to shower” she says standing up and walking towards his bathroom.

Matt however has some other ideas he sits up and grabs her wrist, pulling her back on to the bed and kissing her soundly on the lips, again Alex pulls away, slapping him on the arm, “seriously Matt I have to shower now behave yourself” she says trying to be firm with him but he’s so adorable and she almost can’t resist him, but she decides that she really will have to go and get Salome soon, as much as she doesn’t want to leave him, because look at his gorgeous face and… _stop it Alex_ she thinks to herself _stop thinking about him and get in the shower_ “and don’t follow me” she says smirking over her shoulder at him, and she really had meant it, but secretly she wouldn’t mind if he followed her in there, and of course, Matt being Matt, he does. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Comments and Kudos are lovely and they make me very happy X


	11. If you're a bird, I'm a bird

Alex eventually manages to shower properly and get dressed, however it takes her way over two hours, but if she’s honest with herself, she rather likes the way he can’t keep his hands off of her, he makes her feel so wanted, but she has to be careful not to get to used to this, not to get too attached. _It’s only for two weeks_ she has to keep telling herself. At about four o’clock she leaves Matt’s to go and get Salome, after spending about half an hour trying to make him let her go and telling him she’ll see him on set tomorrow and quickly reminding him that he’ll need to keep his hands to himself then, of course he whines at that but reluctantly agrees, he kisses her fully on the lips and she leaves with a huge smile on her face, while he watches her with a matching smile on his, while they work in Cardiff her apartments only a few doors down from his, but he’s still sad she couldn’t stay with him longer, but at least he has two weeks, he thinks to himself, two weeks to make her stay.

As Alex walks away she thinks of the gorgeous man she had just left and she thinks about how understanding and lovely he’s being and _why does he have to make me love him_ she thinks to herself, she knows that she’s going to enjoy these next two weeks greatly.

Alex goes to pick Salome up from her sisters, and even her sister notices a difference in her, of course when her sister asks why she’s glowing and looking so happy, Alex just smiles “must be having my little girl here with me” she says ruffling Salome’s hair, and it isn’t a lie, her daughter always makes her feel so much better, now it’s just that there are two reasons she’s extremely happy, however she’ll only ever admit one of them. Alex and Salome get back to the flat and they spend the evening baking and watching Salome’s Who DVD’s, and Alex can’t keep her mind off of Matt, counting down the hours till she has to go to work and she can watch him fall about clumsily with his floppy hair and a huge grin, _stop it Alex_ she scolds herself, _you can’t fall for him more and then expect to be able to leave him again, so stop it._ She can’t help scolding herself all the time when she begins to think of Matt because she’s stupid for doing this, of course she is, but it feels so, so right so she decides to push it all to the back of her mind, _again._

_xxx_

 

Matt pulls up at work, smile on his face at the thought of seeing Alex, he saw her less than 24 hours ago and still he feels the need to just _hold_ her again, he knows that he will never tire of her, he will never tire of seeing her gorgeous face, or her magnificent hair, he will never get bored of looking into her majestic eyes, or watching her lips curve into a smile. He turns off the engine to his car and gets out, he see’s Karen across the parking lot and calls out to her, “Oi, moonhead!” he shouts and she turns around, lifting her arm and giving him the finger before walking over to him, smile on her face. Matt walks over to meet her, still unable to stop smiling.

“what are you so chipper about stupid?” she asks as she approaches him, “I haven’t seen you smile like that in weeks”

Matt smiles even brighter, “yeah well I haven’t had anything _to_ smile about in weeks” he replies, and loves the look of shock on Karens face.

“OH MY GOD! You and Alex? You sorted things? Are you an item now? Are you in looooove?”

Matt laughs, of course she’s right but he would never tell her that, “no Kaz, but we did sort it out, we’re friends now and that’s enough for me to be happy about. Come on lets get inside” he says gesturing her to walk with him.

She starts walking with me, letting out a huge sigh “oh my god Matt are you serious? That’s enough for you? Being friends with this woman you’ve been in love with practically since you met is enough for you? Aren’t you even going to fight for her?” she hits him on the arm “ouch, Kaz!” he laughs at her “of course I’m going to fight for her, but for now it’s enough for me okay, you should be happy, I’m happy right now!”

“I am happy that you’re happy you stupid idiot, but I’m the one that will have to deal with your miserable face when she gets on that plane to LA” Karen sighs, and he knows that she is right, but hopefully, he would have persuaded her to stay, or to let him go with her, they were filming the last parts of Angels take Manhattan, the parts that didn’t need to be filmed in New York and could be green screened, and so soon Matt would have a few weeks off before shooting the Christmas special and if she _did_ decide to give him another chance then he could go back to LA with her and then she could come back with him after that and…

“Hello…Matt” Karen said dumbly, waving a hand in front of his face, then he realises he hadn’t spoken for a good few minutes. “Right yeah, sorry, well maybe I won’t _be_ miserable, and anyway _you’re_ leaving, so you won’t have to put up with my miserable face will you?” Karens face falls a bit at that, they haven’t really spoken much about the fact that they won’t see each other every day and Matt knows that he’ll miss her so much, and he knows she’ll miss him just as much, he pulls her in to him, putting his arm around her and placing a kiss to her temple “I’m gonna miss you, you big ginge” he says squeezing her tighter in to him, their previous conversation forgotten.

“I know” she replies, smiling smugly “I’ll miss you too, you big idiot.” The two of them walk in to the studios, Matts arm still wrapped around Karens shoulder, and it really hits him then, in two weeks Alex could be leaving for LA, and two of his best friends will be going off to live their own lives without him, and then he’d be left all alone, he can’t imagine work without Karen and Arthur, he likes Jenna a lot but it just isn’t the same, they’ve been a part of each other’s life for so long and he knows that there will be a huge part of him missing when they leave, he just prays to God that Alex doesn’t leave him too, then he really would be lost.

 

xxx

 

Alex walks in to the studio, arm in arm with Salome, Alex smiles at everyone she passes, and then she spies Matt and her smile grows,  he’s standing with Karen, probably having some sort of silly argument, and he doesn’t notice her enter until Salome calls out to him.

“Matty!” she shouts, running up to him and jumping in his arms.

“Hello poppet” Matt exclaims picking her up and spinning her round “did you have a good weekend? What did you get up to?” he asks placing her feet back on the ground. Alex can’t help but admire how well they get on, Salome adores Matt, she never stops talking about him, she makes her way over to them, hearing the last part of Salome sentence.

“So yeah it was brilliant, what did you do? Did you have a good weekend Matty?” With that Matt looks up and catches Alex’s eye and gives her a smug grin, she tries to give him a serious look, but fails epically, smiling back, she knows he’d never mention anything anyway.

“oh you know, just relaxed, not much really, but yes I had a good weekend” he says ruffling the little girls locks and turning to Alex.

“Hello” he says smiling and making to give her a hug.

“Hello darling” she purrs in reply, and she’d be worried about people being suspicious, but before they had fallen out this was how they had always acted so it really was no different, to everyone else they were just friends again. She gives him a friendly hug and a kiss on the check and Matt has to resist the urge to turn his face and capture her lips with his. Alex pulls away and turns to Salome, “Stevens boys are here today Salome, so you can go and find them if you like, I need to pop to costume and make up and get ready, so you can come with me or you can go play with Josh and Louis?”

“Oh yay” Salome exclaims “I’ll go find them now, see you later” and with that Salome runs off leaving Alex with Matt while Karen stands not far away with Arthur, the two of them looking at her and Matt and smiling.

“what are those two smiling about?” she asks Matt, her brow raised in confusion.

“God knows, you know what they’re like, probably making up a load of gossip.” He senses Alex’s nervousness at them knowing, “don’t worry though, I told I told Kaz we were just friends again and that, that was all” he smiles before adding “I missed you last night” in a low voice.

She laughs at that, _bless this silly man_ she thinks to herself, but if he missed her for one night then how was he going to be when she went back to LA for months, “darling, we’ve only spent one night together, I saw you less than 24 hours ago, how could you have missed me” she says, patting his cheek.

“I know that, I just mean, my bed was cold without you” he winks at her.

“well dear, I suggest you get used to that, in case you’re forgetting, I go back to LA in two weeks, for more than just a night Matt, for months on end.” She has to keep reminding him because she doesn’t _want_ him to get his hopes up, he has to realise that he must get used to having a life without her.

“Lex” he says, his face fallen from his previous smile “Can we just… look I know you’re going back to LA alright, I know that you’re leaving but can we just… not think about it, well just not _talk_ about it, I know when you’re leaving but let’s just deal with that when it come alright?” He hates that she feels the need to remind him; as if it isn’t all he stayed up thinking about all night, the only thing occupying his thoughts lately.

She hates the sadness she see’s in his eyes when she talks about it, and then she realises that he knows already, without her constantly saying it, and so she agrees to not talk about it anymore, not till next Friday comes and she’ll have to get on that plane, “Okay, alright I won’t speak about it, just know that I don’t have a choice, I _will_ have to go” she says placing her hand briefly on his cheek before remembering where she is and taking it away just as quickly as she had placed it there.

“I know, I know you have to go” he says, and he smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes for a moment, but that quickly changes when he speaks again, “So Kingston, when can I see you?” he asks, smile reaching his eyes again. “Well I’m right here darling” she replies knowing exactly what he means but wanting to tease him none the less. Matt sighs at her “you know what I mean Kingston, I just want to _hold_ you again, _touch_ you again.”

She smirks at him, “well dear” she looks around making sure no one can hear their conversation, although even if they had been they would have been caught out already. Seeing that no one is in ear shot she continues “Salome goes to my parents for a few days on Wednesday, so you can see me then. But until Wednesday, you’re going to have to keep your hands to yourself I’m afraid”

There is no way he’s going to wait till Wednesday, he _will_ find a way to get her alone before then, he isn’t sure how yet but _he will._ “Okay great” he answers smiling at her “come over Wednesday and I’ll cook for you, will you stay the night? I intend to make the best of the time we have together” he says winking at her “until Wednesday I’ll just have to try my best to resist you”.

Alex goes weak at the knees, _how does he do this to me_ she thinks to herself “Great, I’ll come over Wednesday, as long as you promise not to give me food poisoning. I don’t see why I couldn’t stay the night, I’ve got lots planned for you yet” she purrs and watches as his eyes widen in excitement, he just wants to reach out and pull her in to him and he has to try so hard to resist.

Patting Matt on the arm and Alex speaks again, “Any way dear, well you’ll have to excuse me, I need to go and become River Song” she turns and begins to walk away, smiling over her shoulder at him as she does, and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to resist her when she’ll be dressed as River and looking more sexy than he ever thought possible, he thinks that someone might need to tie his hands together to stop him from reaching out and just _touching_ her. _God it’s going to be a long, long day_ he thinks to himself.

He stands in the same spot for a good few minutes, thinking about how hard it is to resist her, and thinking about when Wednesday rolls around and he’ll be able to _hold_ her again, and he just wants to prove to her that, that’s what he wants to spend the rest of his life doing, _holding her_ and loving her, and looking after her, he _will_ make her realise that he’s in this forever, he’ll sooner die than give up on her. Deciding that he needs to attempt to stop thinking about her if he’s going to do anything productive all day he turns around and heads towards Karen and Arthur, where he will no doubt have to play a game of 20Questions about why he can’t stop smiling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really sure about this chapter, not very exciting but i hope you enjoy none the less. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are wonderful Xx


	12. we can see right through you.

Karen and Arthur laugh from across the set, looking on at Matt and Alex. “They seriously think we have no idea” says Arthur shaking his head. Matt and Alex are completely oblivious to the fact that Arthur and the red head had any idea about their sneaky ‘affair’ if that’s what you’d call it. They’re both brilliant actors but Karen and Arthur can see right through them, and little do Matt and Alex know, but the two of them had gone down to Matt’s apartment on Saturday afternoon to see if he wanted to do anything that evening, and well, let’s just say that the walls are incredibly thin and they barely made it to his door before running off giggling, Karen squealing “oh my god’s” all the way down the corridor.

“My God they make it so obvious” sighs Karen. “They’re basically undressing each other with their eyes for God sake.”

“Right, I’m going to straight out ask him, I don’t even care man. I’m going to tell him we’re having a lads night tonight and I’ll just get him smashed and get him to spill everything” Arthur says “even though I probably heard enough on Saturday night” he says cringing at the thought.

“Oh my God” Karen exclaims. “Good idea Darvill, you ask Matt, and I’ll _make_ Alex tell me, I’ll get her so hammered that she’ll just tell me on her own accord, I’ll make her break and you get some deats out of him alright? Anyway why shouldn’t they tell us, we’re supposed to be their best friends!”

So Karen decides that she’ll go over to Alex’s later that evening, when Salome is asleep and Arthur decides he’ll invite Matt over to his for a ‘Lads night.’ They decide it’s probably best not taking them out in public as they’ll probably just deny even more what they both already know to be true. So the two of them make their plan to get anything out of them and if they’re wrong (they very much doubt that) then they decide that they need to find a way _to_ get them together, because the sexual tension is truly too much, in fact it’s been too much for the past year.

 

\---

 

Alex just finishes putting Salome to bed and is about to relax in front of the tele with a glass of wine when there’s a knock at the door. She wonders who it might be, and although she told Matt he couldn’t see her while Salome was there, a little part of her hopes she opens the door to his stupid, yet lovely face.

She’s surprised but happy when she opens the door to find her lovely red headed co-worker standing with a bottle of wine in each hand.

“We’re getting drunk Kingston” she says walking past her into her apartment, rather quietly for Karen but Alex knows it’s because she is aware her little girl is asleep in the next room. Alex laughs at the young Scott, she does love having such wonderful co-workers, and friends for that matter.

“To what do I owe this pleasure dear?” Alex asks, closing the door and following Karen into her kitchen.

“Oh, you know” she smiles “just thought we could do with a catch up, have one of our girly talks about work, and friends, and _boys”_ says Karen a wicked smirk playing on her lips and Alex begins to wonder whether Matt had told her. _No_ she thought to herself _of course he hasn’t._

“Well dear, that will be lovely, but I’m afraid I don’t have much to say about ‘ _boys’_ but you can talk away” she says walking to a cabinet and pulling out two wine glasses and walking into the living room.

Karen makes a noise indicating that she doesn’t believe her but Alex barely hears it. Karen follows her into the living room still holding the two bottles of wine “Oh come on, surely there’s someone you’ve got your eye on” Karen says in that all knowing tone.

“well actually, yes” Alex says, her lips curling into a smile and Karen thinks she’s finally getting somewhere when “That Channing Tatum’s a very handsome young chap” she says with a wink.

“Mmm” Karen replies rolling her eyes. She knew that Alex would never think of saying anything about Matt. Not sober anyway, so deciding she would try and get all the details out of her later, she settled on the sofa next to Alex pouring a very large glass of wine for them each.

“Cheers” they both say clinking their glasses together before each taking a sip, well Alex takes a sip, Karen takes more of a gulp.

“Is Salome asleep then? We won’t wake her will we?” Karen asks placing her drink on the table realising that if she wants to find out information on Alex and Matt, it might be best that she’s at least a little bit sober so she can actually remember.

“Mmm yes, I tucked her in just before you got her. Oh don’t worry about that, she’d sleep through anything that girl” Alex says smiling at the thought of her little miracle. “Anyway dear” she continues taking another sip of wine “seeing as there’s nothing remotely interesting going on in my life, what about you? We haven’t really had a good chat in a while. What’s new with you?” Alex’s glass is nearly empty already and Karen feels a smirk play across her face, she’s going to be putty in her hands by the time the night’s over. Drunken Alex is an honest Alex and everyone knows it.

 

 

\---

 

 

When Arthur had suggested a lads night in “with lots of booze” he’s said, Matt was quick to say yes. He needed something to take his mind off of Alex anyway, he would be seeing her Wednesday but that was a whole _day_ away and he needed to be other wised occupied, to stop him from going down the corridor and sweeping her off her feet.

It was about 7pm when he knocked on Arthur’s door, case of Budweiser in arms looking forward to getting well and truly hammered; they had a late start the next morning so it wouldn’t be like he’d have to get up extremely early. He and Arthur used to go out on the pull together all the time, along with Karen he really was his best mate, and he’d be leaving soon and Matt thought it good to just hang out like they used to. Obviously, Matt didn’t really want to go out on the pull anymore and Arthur knew that, even if Matt didn’t think he did.

“Alright mate” Arthur says opening the door and stepping aside so Matt could enter. It was strange to Matt that it was just the two of them when it was supposed to be a ‘lad’s night.’ Usually the guys from the Who crew would be there too, but Matt didn’t really care, it was comfortable. Matt and Arthur had never been the type if guys to talk about things like “How fit was that chick” and “look at that arse” in fact they were quite the opposite, Karen would always tease and joke about, stating “oh my God you two must be gay. You respect women way too much to be straight” but really they were just gentlemen, they hated men that treated women badly. The two of them are extremely alike and that’s why they get along so well.

Arthur doesn’t intend on waiting for Matt to tell him, he’s just going to come out with it, because they’re men and they don’t usually sit around and talk about their feelings forever. Unlike Karen Arthur isn’t patient enough to wait for Matt to get drunk so as they sit at the breakfast bar with a bottle of bear in hand, he just finds it slipping out of his mouth.

“I know, you know?” he says taking a swig of Budweiser and smirking at Matt’s confused questioning expression. “About you and Alex, I know. Me and Karen both know.” He says simply as if it’s no big deal, because to be honest the two of them had _known_ before it had even started, it was obvious how the two of them felt about each other.

Matts jaw drops, _how_ he thinks, _how does he know?_ Matt doesn’t really understand, he thinks that maybe he doesn’t know and he just has suspicions so he just goes along with playing dumb. “What about me and Alex” he asks raising his brow trying to act the part, he is supposed to be a professional actor after all.

Arthur bursts out laughing placing his beer on the side “Oh give over mate, don’t play that with me. You’re a brilliant actor don’t get me wrong but I can see _right_ through you.”

_Shit_ Matt thinks, he doesn’t want Arthur to know in case Alex finds out and she thinks that it was him that had told Arthur _and_ Karen, _but how did they find out_ he thinks to himself, before realising that actually he had said it aloud. “Let’s just say that me and moon face were walking down to your apartment, you know to see if you wanted to go out for a drink or two, and well…”

Before Arthur can finish Matt interrupts “When- I mean, what night? If you came to ask me to go out, why did you not make it to my apartment?” He asks slightly confused until it hits him _ohh_ he thinks _shit._

“It was, erm Saturday I think… we made it about half way down the corridor before we turned away running” he smirks, that all knowing smirk and Matt knows that there is no way he’s getting out of this one. Karen and Arthur know and to be honest he doesn’t see the point in denying it, it wasn’t like he had told them and he’s sure Alex would understand, to her this wasn’t exclusive, but to him it was everything so he had a sense of relief when he realised his best friends knew and now he had someone to talk too.

“Saturday was 3 nights ago. Why didn’t you say anything?!” Matt asks voice going an octave higher than should be possible and cheeks turning red when he realises what they must have heard.

“Well while Karen wanted to embarrass you in front of the whole Who cast, I decided to persuade her it was best we did it somewhere, where everyone wouldn’t see you blush. But it doesn’t matter why we didn’t say anything. What’s going on man? I mean don’t get me wrong it’s about bloody time, but what exactly is this?”

Matt sighs, “how long have you got?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of a filler chapter, hope you enjoy though, will update asap
> 
> Kudos and comments are wonderful Xx


	13. You're too blind to see that you're made for each other.

 

It’s been 3 hours since Karen turned up at Alex’s apartment, and still Alex has admitted nothing, or even hinted at anything to do with Matt. Alex has had about 5 glasses of wine but she’s still not saying anything, in fact she’s barely acting drunk at all. Karen decides that she’s becoming tired of waiting around for Alex to say something, she begins to think of ways to slyly drop in that she had heard them just the other night in Matts apartment, but she didn’t want to make her feel awkward and Alex was going on about some story about Salome and Matt that Karen couldn’t get a word in edgeways anyway, which was strange considering it was usually the other way around. _I’m supposed to be her friend_ Karen thinks to herself _screw this, I’m just gunna say it._

“and then Salome just got up and threw this glass of water over him” Alex begins to laugh thinking back on how much Matt and Salome make her laugh. “It was so funny, oh you should have been there, he was drenched and then he…”

Alex is cut off by Karen who just can’t hold back any longer “I can’t believe you haven’t told me. You’ve had all night as well, I am offended Miss Kingston”

She chokes a bit on the sip of wine she had just taken, confused she looks at Karen brow raised “told you what dear” she says giggling, she’s not sure why she laughs but that’s really just the norm for Alex when she’s been drinking.

“About you and Matt!” Karen squeals and Alex sobers instantly sitting up, eyes wide and jaw dropped. “Wh- what _are_ you talking about Kaz” Alex says laughing and trying to recover from the shock, she thinks she’ll get away with acting dumb; she is an actor after all. _How does she know_ she thinks to herself _how could Matt, he promised he wouldn’t say anything._ Anger begins to build in Alex when she thinks about Matt being the one to tell Karen after a few days and after he’d _said_ that he wouldn’t say anything to _anyone_ let alone Karen!

“oh Alex, Alex, Alex I think you know exactly what I’m talking about” Karen smirks giving Alex a wink, taking a sip of wine and topping up her glass. Alex begins to fret then _just keep your cool Alex_ she keeps telling herself.

“I- erm I really don’t dear” she replies giving another nervous laugh.

Karen sighs placing her glass on the table before facing Alex on her sofa, crossing her legs, mirroring the way Alex is sitting opposite her, leaning forward and talking in a low voice “I know about you two shacking up again” she says smiling at Alex’s shocked face.

Alex doesn’t know what to say, she can’t believe that Matt would have told her, after _everything_ they had gone through to actually get there, to have her let him in and he’d caved into Karen already. “I- erm, how…” she lets the anger get the better of her “how could he tell you” she says firmly, more to herself than to Karen.

Karen can see the anger flash across her face, and she has to correct her “no no, Alex you’ve got it all wrong, Matt didn’t _tell_ me!”

_Oh_ Alex thinks, and she suddenly feels bad for assuming he had told, but if he didn’t say anything then…

“How then? I- I mean how do you…I mean just assuming you’re right and Matt didn’t tell you then, how would you know.” She begins to stammer, partly because she’s nervous, but mostly because of how much she’d had to drink.

“We heard you…erm the other night but that doesn’t matter, what’s going on? Because before…well you both ended up heartbroken, and don’t get me wrong omg it is so exciting, but you’re two of my best friends and I don’t want to see either of you hurt.” That all comes out in a bit of a rush and Alex finds it hard to catch up, and suddenly she remembers thinking that the whole building would have heard her and Matt, and well now it didn’t seem like she was wrong _oh god_ they were stupid. Also Karen had just said everything that she had been worried about. Hurting someone, well hurting Matt.

“I’m- I erm. To be honest I’m not exactly sure what or even _how_ it happened, all I do know is that we both know it isn’t for the long term, its- erm it’s just for two weeks and he knows that. When I go back to LA we're just going to stay friends, just how everything was before really” she says smiling even though inside she wants to cry, she can feel the sadness creep in, she always has a high when she’s drunk, which is shortly followed by a massive low, where she’ll cry for hours about nothing and she knows that’s coming soon, except this time, she has a reason.

Karens face drops a bit because she thought that when she had heard them that it mean they would be together, like actually properly together and now Alex is saying that it’s just two weeks and she knows exactly how hurt _both_ of her friends were going to be and _god they were so oblivious._

“you’ve got to be joking me, my God, you’re too blind to see that you’re made for each other!” Karen exclaimed releasing a snort “you two, oh god you’re just. I don’t know what to do with the pair of you, you’re both just so oblivious. Everyone knows you should be together except the person that really matters _you._ I know it, Arthur knows it, Steven knows it, hell half of the bloody fans know it, believe me, I have read things online that you would not believe. So just tell me this Alex, why can’t _you_ see how made for each other you are?”

Alex is taken aback by Karens small speech but she doesn’t expect anyone to understand, she knows what people think, and that to some people love is enough, but it isn’t, not always and sure she loves Matt and he loves her, but some people are meant to fall in love, but they’re just not meant to be together, and this is one of those times, and as much as she doesn’t want to admit it to herself let alone anyone else, she knows that it’s the truth.

“listen darling, as much as I appreciate what you’ve said, me ‘n Matt know what we’re doing, he knows the deal, and he’s fine with it okay?” she says tears beginning to form in her eyes for no apparent reason, and here comes those irrational tears.

“Alex, oh shit Alex don’t cry!” Karen says shuffling towards her and embracing her in a hug, Alex lets out a sob, she would be embarrassed for crying like a baby in front of her friend but she’s drunk and she really doesn’t care, “don’t cry Alex, please” but Alex won’t stop and she won’t speak either, “I didn’t mean to upset you” Karen pleads for Alex to stop crying but she just won’t.

Karen had never been the best person to deal with someone when they were sad, she was always a brilliant friend but she just didn’t know how to stop tears, after 5 minutes Alex hadn’t stop crying and Karen had no other choice. “Listen Alex stay here, I’ll be right back” Karen says heading towards the door trying to be quiet not to wake Salome. Although they hadn’t really been very quiet all night and Salome hadn’t stirred once. Karen opens the door leaving Alex wiping her eyes on the sofa and heads up to Arthurs flat where she’s sure Matt will still be.

Alex is used to being in this state after having too much wine, she didn’t want Karen to think it was her that had upset her because it wasn’t, it was mostly the wine, but other than that it was her thinking about being alone… forever really. She kept pushing everyone away and eventually she would have no one and it _scared_ her. She knew it was her fault. It was her fault her first husband had an affair, and her fault that her second marriage failed, and her fault that she didn’t see her daughter enough. It was also her fault that in two weeks she and Matt would be nothing more than best friends, which was great, because she loves having him as a friends, but now she knows how he feels and she doesn’t know how she’ll go back from that. He’d tell her that she doesn’t have too, but she knows she does, because everything good she ever has, she ruins, and she doesn’t want to ruin Matt. So she has to let him go.  

 

 

\----

 

 

Matt and Arthur are deep into conversation about what’s actually happening between Alex and Matt, Matt tells Arthur all about how Alex only really wants it for two weeks, and then she’s going to be going back to LA and he won’t get to see her for ages, they also talk about the fact that Arthur and Karen will be leaving, and Matt tells Arthur how worried he is about not having them or Alex around, Arthur tells Matt how him and Alex are _made_ for each other and how he should never give up, as if Matt didn’t already know that.

Matt is about to leave when there’s a knock on Arthurs door, “Oi you two open up, seriously, like now, quickkkk!” Comes a loud Scottish voice from outside the door, the two of them roll their eyes and Matt opens the door to see the red head fidgeting hands on her head. “Alright Kaz chill out” says Matt a little worried about her “what’s up moon face” asks Arthur from behind Matt.

“It’s Alex” she says and Matt’s heart suddenly drops thinking something has happened to her. “Wha- Wait, what’s happened? Where is she? Is she alright? Kaz what’s happened?” Matt says all in one go.

“Chill out you idiot, she’s fine, she just. Well she won’t stop crying and you know what I’m like. Anyway I think she’d probably just want to talk to you.” Matt calms down then realising that she wasn’t in any danger, but Alex was still upset, which was awful too.

“Has she been drinking wine?” Matt asks Karen and she looks at him curiously.

“Yeahhh, why?” she says raising her brow at him. Matt just sighs, he knows how emotional she gets after too much wine, he’s had to deal with that plenty of times.

“See you tomorrow mate” Matt says patting Arthur on the arm and rolling his eyes before walking out of his apartment. Karen follows him “do you want me to come” she asks, already knowing the answer.

“No Kaz, you’re alright, just go to bed alright?” he says putting his arm around her and squeezing her placing a kiss atop her head.

“Okay, night stupid face” she says, “and by the way, I know!” she says shouting down the corridor as he leaves her at the door to her apartment and walks towards the stairs.

Matt turns around smiling at her “I know you know” he calls back before walking down the stairs and heading for Alex’s apartment. He’d probably be worrying more if she hadn’t been drinking, he knows how she can get so he’s sure she’ll be fine, but he still can’t bear the thought of her upset.

He gets to her door and doesn’t even think of knocking, he walks in to see her laying on the sofa, tears staining her face, mascara on her cheeks, and yet he can’t help but think how beautiful she looks. He walks over to her slowly, she’s still crying and she hasn’t notice him yet. She puts her head in her hands trying to control her sobs, he gets to the sofa and sits down next to her, startling her. She looks up at him, watery eyes and a wobbly smile “Mattttt!” she crys, falling in to him while he holds her in a tight embrace.

“Hey, sweetheart” he says placing a kiss into her hair while she nuzzles into his shoulder, shaking from crying so much “Shh, you’re alright love” he soothes her rubbing her back soothingly “I’m here.”

“My knight in shining armour” she says, elongating her words. He loves her when she’s drunk, she makes him smile so much, even though she’s crying, Alex drunk is one of his favourite things. She begins to calm, and Matt wonders what Karen found so difficult, but he secretly hopes she calms, just for him.

Alex is happy to see Matt, but sad at the same time, then she suddenly remembers something she has to tell him. “Ohhhh Matt!” she exclaims lifting her face and looking him in the eye “Karen knows!” she says loudly and in a high pitched voice.

“Shh” he says placing a finger to her lips, “Salome’s asleep. I know she knows, so does Arthur but it’s okay, we’ll figure it out” he says smiling at her and cupping her face to wipe the stray tears from her face, and just then, she lets out another sob and wraps her arms around Matts neck.

He lets her cry for a few minutes, knowing it’s best to let her, let it all out before talking to her and finding out why she’s upset this time. He’s actually content with just holding her, having her close and breathing her in, she smells of wine, and flowers, and just _Alex._ Her breathing eventually calms and she begins to place kisses to his neck and along his jaw line, and as much as he wants to take her right then and there, she’s still been upset and Salome is just in the other room, he knows this isn’t really what she wants.

“Hey Lex. Come on what’s wrong, I mean I know what wine does to you but it’s never this bad. Talk to me come on.” He says lifting her chin and smiling at her, wiping yet again more tears from her mascara streaked face, “you’re beautiful” he says popping her on the nose and watching her nose scrunch up the way it always does.

“Oh Matthew, you’re so lovely to me you are” she says slurring her words a bit “I don’t deserve it.”

“Of course you deserve it Lex, and so much more” he says placing a small peck to her lips, “now tell me what’s up. No more hiding how you feel from me okay? Not after- well not after last time” he says giving her a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

Alex isn’t really thinking straight, the only thing she knows right now is that this man in front of her is so, so lovely and she never wants to hurt him, “I’m sorry” she says placing her hand on his chest and she seems to be sobering up a bit now, she leans into him closing all distance and placing her lips over his, the kiss doesn’t last long, but it’s full of unsaid emotions. Alex is first to pull away and Matt moves her lose curls from her face and smiles at her brightly.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong on not” he asks, brow raised and hand resting on her cheek. She shakes her head getting to stand up, but failing miserably when she nearly falls straight back down, Matt hurries up and steadies her placing his hands on her waist.

“Just take me to bed” she says staring him in the eyes. Matt smiles at her, “I can’t love. Salome remember” he doesn’t want to leave her, but he made a promise that while Salome was there, he’d keep his distance, he knows she doesn’t want Salome finding out and he’s perfectly fine with that.

Alex shakes her head again, rubbing her hands up and down his arms “Don’t leave me on my own” she says looking down, smile disappearing, _oh how he hates that look in her eyes._ “Just- you can just leave before she wakes up yeah?” she says voice becoming wobbly, and how can he resist her, _I could never leave you on your own_ he thinks to himself.

Matt nods his head “whatever you want love” he replies, bending down and putting one arm behind her legs and one under her shoulders, lifting her up and walking towards her bedroom, not wanting her to fall on her face on the way to her bedroom. Alex wraps her arms around his neck kissing him all the way to her bed. They’re both sure to be quiet for Salome’s sake and Matt promises himself he’ll be gone before she wakes up the next morning.

Matt undresses Alex and helps her into bed, and then he undresses himself and gets in beside her, pulling her into him and drawing lazy circles over her body, just as she does him. They don’t really do anything that night; they just lay in each other’s embrace, exchanging light kisses and soft touches. Matt waits for Alex to fall asleep in his arms before placing a kiss to her head and whispering in her ear “I love you Lex” before falling into a deep, comfortable sleep himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy
> 
> Comments and kudos are wonderful as usual Xx


	14. I'll go and you'll be okay.

Alex wakes at 9 to the creaking of her door and the bright light shining through the crack, her bed feels so much emptier than it did when she had fallen asleep and she misses the warmth of Matts embrace. However she’s glad that he was sensible and left before her daughter was able to wake up and catch them both in bed together. Alex’s head is pounding from the night before, and she could kill Karen for encouraging her to drink so much. Before Alex has time to get used to the pounding in her head she notices Salome standing in the doorway and she sits up smiling at her daughter “hello sweetheart.”

Alex pats the side of her bed, and her daughter walks towards her rubbing her eyes and lying down next to her “morning mum” she yawns.

The two of them lay in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before Salome speaks up, “I had a nightmare last night. It was horrible” she says and Alex senses so much fear in her daughters voice so she puts her arms around her and pulls her closer.

“Oh sweetheart you should have come and got me” she says not really thinking about how if she had of come and got her, Matt would still be there and that would not be good.

“Well…I erm, I did come and get you- but you…” Salome trails off and Alex’s eyes widen in realization _oh God no._

“Why…why was Matty in your bed mum?” Salome questions, and Alex could tell by the tone of her voice that she was nervous to ask and _God what am I going to tell her_ Alex thought to herself, she couldn’t believe how stupid she had been and she so badly wanted to be angry at Matt, because she had told him that Salome could not find out, but it was in no way Matts fault, she asked him to stay, and he _had_ left before Salome got up, so really it was all _her_ fault. She thought that she could make something up and her daughter would believe it but she just couldn’t think of anything to say, so she just said the first things that came to her mind.

“I was just a bit sad darling” she said in a calm tone stroking her daughter’s hair out of her face. “But I’m fine now, Matt was just looking after me, because he’s a very good friend” she said cautiously hoping that Salome had only witnessed her and Matt lying together, harmlessly.

“Oh okay” Salome says grinning widely and making to sit up, when she gets up and off the bed she adds “I think he loves you, you know.” With that Salome runs out of the room laughing, leaving Alex laying in shock before jumping out of bed herself and running down the hall to find her little girl. _Why would she think that?_ She keeps asking herself _how would she know that?_

_“_ Salome!” she calls out walking in to the sitting room looking for her before seeing her pouring cereal into a bowl in the kitchen area. Alex walks over to her and turns her around bending down to her level “what do you mean you think he loves me, why would you think that?” she asks raising an inquisitive eyebrow at her. Salome only smiles at Alex “I just know” she says in a sing song voice before turning back to make her breakfast. _When did she become so grown up,_ is all Alex can think about, she smiles to herself thinking about how clever her little (well not so little anymore) girl is.

“Well sweetheart, I’m sorry to disappoint but me and Matt are just friends, and he most certainly does not love me okay” Alex says tapping Salome on the nose, “Eat up your breakfast then go and get packed for nanna’s and granddads, I’ll drop you soon, I’ve got work at 1 so don’t take forever getting ready.”

“Okay” says Salome before adding “But you’re wrong by the way. You should see the way he looks at you when you’re not looking, it’s so obvious. Don’t get me wrong though, it’s great if you two want to be together cause like I think you love him too, you look at him kinda the same.”

As if Alex doesn’t know how much Matt loves her already, and how much it’s going to hurt him when she leaves, now even her little girl notices, and she doesn’t want to hurt her little girl, but she knows how much she loves Matt. She hates lying to her daughter but she just can’t tell her the truth, so she laughs. “Oh darling, don’t be so silly, I do not love Matt, just as he does not love me. And I promise you that nothing is ever going to happen between us okay, so just, keep that idea out of your head…for good” says Alex rather too sternly and she scolds herself for being so cold about it

“Alright mum, whatever you say” Salome answers sarcastically yawning and taking her bowl of coco pops and sitting at the breakfast bar. Alex just rolls her eyes at her daughter before getting a glass of water and aspirin for her headache then walking into her room to get her phone and seeing a text from Matt.

‘ _Morning beautiful. How’s your head?;) I hope everything’s alright. See you at work later. Xx’_

_‘I feel like someone’s set up a concert in my head! Except Salome seeing you in my bed last night and questioning if we’re in love with each other, yeah everything’s fine.’_  Alex taps out and hits reply, before she even manages to put her phone down, she gets a reply.

‘ _Oh shit, Lex I’m so sorry! Shit what did you say?!?!’ Bless him, apologising_ Alex thinks to herself.

‘ _It’s not your fault darling. It doesn’t matter, I sorted it. Now I need to get ready for work and drop Salome off, I’ll see you in a few hours Xxx’_

_‘God Alex I am sorry. Okay yep, see you soon. I’m seeing you tonight right?’_

_‘you don’t need to apologise, my fault. Yeah what’s happening tonight?’_

_‘Come to mine after work, I can’t wait to see you!;)’_

_‘Darling, you’ll see me at work!’_

_‘You know what I mean miss Kingston, now go and get ready!Xx’_

_‘I was trying before you were texting me!’_

_‘See you in a bit Kingston Xxx’_

_‘See you darling Xxx’_

Alex smiles to  herself, she does adore that man. She gets up and gets herself ready, making sure to wear her new underwear as she doesn’t intend to come back home after work at all. When she’s ready and sorted her makeup it’s nearly 11, and so she makes sure Salome’s ready and they head to her parents holiday home on Barry island.

 

\---

Alex stays for a cup of tea when they get to the small bungalow that Alex’s parents decided to get after she began working on who, deciding it would be much easier to see her when she was here this way. They begin to discuss how long Salome will be staying there, Salome asks to stay till Sunday and Alex agrees, then they’ll be flying back to the states the next Friday, she explains to her parents. Soon Alex has to leave to get to work, she kisses Salome good by telling her to ‘be good’ before saying goodbye to her parents and heading off on her half hour drive to work.

\---

Alex gets to work on time and finds out that there's a change in filming schedule and they’re going to be shooting Amelia’s farewell scene today, and she can’t help but feel sorry for Matt, she knows he’s going to lose two of his very best friends.

Shooting goes relatively well and emotions are running high on set, it doesn’t take many takes to shoot the farewell as Matt emotions are sky high already, and he’s able to portray his feelings into his acting. The director calls for lunch, giving the cast and hour before they have to be back on set. Alex watches as Matt, Arthur and Karen standing together talking, Karen’s crying profusely, as the boys try to comfort her, the young Scott really does love her friends.

“You’re not leaving for another week yet moon head” says Arthur patting her on the arm.

“Shut up Darvill, it’s still sad” Karen retaliates turning round and hitting Arthur on the arm.

Alex looks over from the young pair to Matt,  who is already looking at her, he smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes and she knows he really is very upset about them leaving. Wanting to leave them too it, Alex turns and walks towards her trailer deciding to have lunch in there.

She makes herself a simple cheese sandwich and a cup of tea, but before she can sit down and eat there’s a knock at her trailer door. When she swings the door open she doesn’t even have a second to question why Matt’s there, before he is on her, kissing her and pushing her in to the trailer. Alex almost melts into him before realising what he had just done, _someone could have seen._ She pushes him back “Matt stop it you idiot!” she says but he pulls her back in to him kissing her soundly on the lips again, shutting the trailer door with his foot. Again Alex pushes him back, this time slapping him hard round the face, the sound of her hand and his cheek connecting making her cringe.

Matt falls to the floor hand to his cheek, “You complete idiot, anyone could have seen! What were you thinking!” shouts Alex, but Matt just sits there in silence, looking at the floor and away from Alex.

“Matt!” she shouts wanting him to look at her.

“I’m sorry” he said, voice thick with tears and she realises he’s crying and he just wanted some comfort from her. She so badly wants to be angry at him, because it is true, anyone could have seen them and she made it clear she couldn’t deal with that. But he’s sad and hurting, and he’s always been there to look after her, so now she needs to look after him. “I’m really sorry Lex” he says looking up at her “I just, I didn’t think.”

Unable to stay mad at him, Alex kneels down and pushes Matt’s fringe from his face, kissing him lightly on the lips. Matt reaches out for her pulling her into him and resting his head in the crook of her shoulder. Alex absentmindedly strokes his hair and she soon feels tears fall onto her dress and soak through on to her shoulder. She never thought before about how much this was going to affect him, only now has he let his walls down and she almost can’t bear to see him like this.

“Oh darling” she says lifting his face and wiping the tears that streak his cheeks “I know it’s hard but you’re still going to see them all the time, they won’t be far away, not for long.”

“No” he says sounding if possible more heart broken than before “But you will. You’ll be far away”

Her heart begins to break now, because she’s hurting him just for her benefit, and it wasn’t her intention, not in the slightest, she never wants to hurt him, but this time there isn’t an option. “oh” she breaths, realising that it’s not only the fact that Karen and Arthur are leaving, but the fact that she is as well.

“Listen to me” she starts “Karen and Arthur will leave, but you’re going to be fine, Jenna is a lovely girl and you’ll have a great time. And yes, I’ll go, but you’ll be okay. One day Matt, you’re going to meet someone else, so when I’m gone don’t wait for me, go out and find someone. And then, before you know it, I’ll be back for the end of season 7, and we can… we can just go back to being friends okay? I promise you, that you’re going to be okay.” She smiles at him pulling his face to hers and kissing him lightly on the head.

Matt nearly laughs at her, _She still doesn’t understand,_ he thinks to himself, _she still has no idea that she’s the only one._

Deciding that arguing with her will do nothing to help the situation, he needs to show her his love in a different way, the only way he can right now. And so he kisses her, not in a way they have ever kissed before, on or off set, he kisses her with _everything_ he has. Alex melts under his mouth, his tongue sliding against her lips begging for her to let him in, and she does, they remain like that for what seems like hours, but in fact is only minutes. Alex breaks the kiss only to breathe, placing her hands on his chest and putting her forehead to his, trying to calm her breathing. Matt begins to smile, _make the most of your time remember?_ He thinks to himself, before standing slowly and picking Alex up in his arms, she wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist before leaning in a kissing him once again. This kiss just as passionate as the last, expressing all the words they are unable to say to each other.

Matt walks them over to the small bed in her trailer, laying Alex down gently before climbing a top of her and kissing down her neck. “Matt” she breathes, “We don’t have time love.”

“I’ll take all the time, all the minutes, all the seconds that I have” he says running a hand down her sides.

Alex doesn’t have the will power to push him off of her, she wants him just as much as he wants her, and so she decides that 40 minutes is plenty of time.

The pair undress each other slowly, careful not to give the wardrobe department something to moan about. Matt leans over Alex, planting one small peck to her lips before slowly entering her, eliciting a gasp from Alex, and he swears he will never get over the way she feels around him, he will never stop loving this woman, no matter what she believes.

Matt begins to move slowly and the two of them exchange small whispers of affection. This time between them is not like before, this is making love and they both know it, it is not frantic nor is it quick, it is slow and passionate and neither of them want it to end.

However before Alex knows it, her orgasm sneaks up on her, and she comes with a muffled shout of Matts name into the crease of his shoulder. Matt isn’t far behind her saying her name repeatedly as he reaches his climax and collapses on top of her. Alex strokes at his sweat slicked back, placing feather light kisses along his shoulder and neck.

Matt rolls off Alex and she curls herself into him before remembering where they are, they have 20 minutes to be back on set and the two of them need to shower.

“Come on darling we need to shower and get ready” says Alex kissing him deeply and making to get up.

Matt groans “Fine, but only if I get to shower with you” he says smirking at her.

“Do you promise there will be no funny business? We don’t have much time” she says raising a brow and smiling at him.

“I promise” he says, following her to her small bathroom. He knows that it’s a lie, but it doesn’t matter, because so does she.  And secretly, although she won’t admit it, she loves that he can’t keep his hands off of her, just as she can’t keep her off of him.

_God I’m going to miss him_ she thinks to herself before closing the bathroom door and shutting the rest of the world out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy Xx


	15. And so she runs.

The next few days fly by, and the same routine continues, the two of them go to work together, and then they go back to Matts flat and spend the night together, just holding each other, making love to each other over and over. Matt can’t get enough of her and she sure as hell can’t get enough of him, every night she lays awake and dreads the day she has to leave all this behind for good.

 They spend all their time together and if anyone does notice, then they don’t mention it and Alex is grateful to Karen and Arthur for that. She knows how difficult it is for the young pair to keep their mouths shut, but they do. Just like the great friends she knows they are. She’s pretty certain Steven knows something, of course he does, he often gives them small glances and smirks in that all knowing way he does, but he never brings it up in conversation.

Friday is a long day on set and the pair of them work a 14 hour day, however they don’t have many things to shoot as a pair and they barely see each other all day. It’s the last day of shooting for everyone, and it’s an emotional day for ‘Team TARDIS’. When the pair have finished and said their goodbyes to everyone, (even though everyone’s still got another week in Cardiff in case anything needs adding) they both get into Matts car and drive back to the apartment. Matt looks over at Alex while he’s driving and he can tell that something isn’t right, he’d think it was just the emotions running high from the day but she’s seemed different since he took her home on Wednesday, he knew that something was wrong he just couldn’t figure out what.

“Lex, love are you alright?” he asks placing a hand on her upper thigh. She turns to him and smiles lightly.

“I’m fine darling, just tired” she replies placing her hand over his on her leg.

He reaches for her face and tucks a curl behind her ear. They drive the rest of the way in relative silence, Matts hand occasionally reaching over and taking Alex’s in his. She hasn’t seemed herself for the past few days and he just wants to figure out how to fix it, she’s quiet and he knows that she’s over thinking, he knows her better than she thinks, sometimes he can just look at her face and know she’s over thinking something, or know when she’s hurting. However when he’s trying to figure out how she feels about him, he see’s nothing. It’s like she can put this wall up and keep everyone out, he wants to be the one she lets that wall down for permanently. He just wants to tell her how much he loves her but he knows she’ll run if he carries on telling her. 

He can’t help but worry about her, and he knows he always will.

 

\--- 

 

Alex looks out of the window biting on her bottom lip. She wasn’t lying to him when she said she was tired, she really is, but ever since Matt had broken down on Wednesday, she had been worrying about him. She couldn’t help it, she had never seen him so broken and it truly shattered her heart.  All the heart break she had been through and now she was going to break his and it almost, very much almost made her think about being with him. For good. Just like he had asked her too. But she had promised herself that she would never fall again, it was almost like she couldn’t let herself be happy. She knew though, that she had to pull herself together if she was ever going to be able to walk away from him.

Every night she lays awake and in her head she lists all the reasons why she shouldn’t be with him, just to remind herself that she can’t give him what he needs. Because she has to, if she wants to stay sane. He makes her so happy and she wishes that she hadn’t been through so much heart break, and she could just believe this could work but she can’t. She also wishes she was younger, or he was older, and she could give him children and everything he deserves. The more she thinks about it the more her heart sinks, and she feels tears spring in her eyes, so she doesn’t look at him, she just looks out of the window dreaming of a different life. One where they could be together and happy for always.

They pull up at the apartments and walk up to Matts flat as they always do, but this time Alex hesitates.

“Actually darling” she begins, voice trembling a bit, “I-erm… I think I’m going to stay at mine tonight” she says not looking him in the eye in fear of the sadness she might see. She doesn’t mean anything by it, she just knows that if she’s going to be able to walk away from him in just a week’s time, she needs to learn to live without him.

Matt looks at her, confusion written all over his face before replying. “Oh right, okay” he says running a hand through his fringe. “Did I- did I do something wrong?”

She looks up at him then and places a hand to his cheek. “No darling, of course not, I just- I need some time to myself you know? You haven’t done anything and I’ll see you tomorrow morning, alright?” she says giving him a small smile that definitely doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Okay, well, I’ll miss you” he replies smiling and wrapping his arms around her waist and placing a feather light kiss to her lips. “And don’t do anything stupid, like… like stay up really late watching crap telly and eating loads of junk food. Cause that’s definitely _not_ what I’m going to do” he says with a wink, before leaning in closer and kissing her fully on the lips. The pair of them have little concern for anyone seeing them, it would only be cast or crew and they probably already guessed.

“You’ll see me in less than 24 hours darling” she replies pulling back from the kiss and placing her hands on his chest. “And I won’t do anything stupid” she says, knowing exactly what he meant.

“Okay well, good night love. Come and get me if you have any bad dreams” he states smirking at her.

“Oh I will” she replies patting him affectionately on the cheek and walking down the corridor to her own apartment, “good night Matthew” she calls over her shoulder before opening her door and disappearing, out of Matts sight.

He _knows_ that there must be something wrong now. Whenever Salome’s been away she’s stayed at his, that’s just what’s happened. And she kept smiling at him but it wasn’t really a smile. It wasn’t her real smile, more her ‘I’m going to smile so you believe I’m alright even though I’m not’ smile. He hates that smile. He will find out what’s wrong with her, and he will fix it. He will never give up on her.

Matt makes his way into his flat, gets in the shower and rolls in to bed, thinking of nothing but Alex and how he’s going to figure everything out before she leaves him and goes back home, until finally he falls into a restless sleep.

 

\---

 

 

Alex barely manages to close the door to her apartment before she breaks down. She slides down the door with her head in  her hands and she scolds herself for being so weak. She just hates herself and she can’t escape the feeling. Her and Matt had become so… so domestic and it _scared_ her, because she loved him more than she even thought possible.

When she and Florian separated, she promised herself that she would _never_ let herself feel this way again, and now she feels even _more_ for Matt than she ever did Florian, or even Ralph. And she thinks that’s why it’s even scarier. That’s why she can’t stay with him. Because she needs to be strong _always_ for her daughter. But if Matt left… she just wouldn’t be able to be strong.

Pulling herself together and trying to push the feeling of regret and loneliness aside, Alex gets up, wipes furiously at her eyes and heads for the bathroom. After she shows, she gets in to bed and tries to find sleep, and as much as she tries not to think of Matt, that seems to be the only place her mind is willing to wonder.

 

\---

 

It’s been 4 hours since Alex rolled in to bed and still she was unable to sleep. She laughed to herself, it was typical that whenever she was with Matt, she had no trouble sleeping, ever. She tossed and turned trying to get comfortable but nothing worked. She looked over at the clock to see it was 2am already and she just wanted to _sleep._

She waited another half an hour until she was nearly in tears from sheer exhaustion, she couldn’t carry on if she wasn’t able to sleep. Making the decision that she had been contemplating all evening, she gets up, shoves on a jumper and a pair of leggings, gets a key from the cupboard in the landing, and walks out of the apartment, one destination in mind.

She had never been more grateful to Matt for giving her the key to his apartment, of course only for emergencies. But this _was_ an emergency, if she didn’t get any sleep she would certainly be near killing someone tomorrow.

Alex let herself in quietly, before tip toeing into his room. She smiled at the sight of him, sheets half way down his torso, tossing and turning. She  slowly walked over to him and stroked at his fringe pushing it out of his face. She noticed that his cheeks were wet and _had he been crying?_ She asks herself.

“Please, stay with me” he lets out, still deep in sleep, and her heart drops. _Why does he have to be so adorable,_ she thinks to herself leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to his temple. After watching him sleep for a good ten minutes, she slowly undresses, pulls the covers back and slides in to bed next to him, getting as close to him as possible and wrapping her arms around his middle.

Matt stirs and turns to face her, slowly opening his eyes. When he realises that Alex is there a huge grin breaks across his face and he pulls her into him as close as he possible can. “Hello” he say, voice low and horse, his hands reach up to her face and he cups her cheek in his palm before kissing her languidly, but still nothing but passionate.

Alex moans in to his mouth, opening under him and allowing his tongue to trail the inside of her mouth. They stay that way for what seems like hours, kissing, and touching, and just _holding_ each other. They’d been doing that a lot lately, Alex thinks, and she knows it’s just the two of them taking all they can have before they can’t have anything anymore.

Alex breaks away from Matt to take a breath before she dies from lack of oxygen. Breathing heavily she places her head on his chest and strokes slowly along his abdomen. “Hello darling” she purrs.

“Did you have a bad dream then?” he asks and she laughs remembering what he had said earlier.

“No darling… I just- I couldn’t really sleep.” She replies, voice soft but with a sense of sadness in her tone. Matt just pulls her even closer, placing a kiss to the top of her head and running his hand soothingly over her back.

“You know Lex… I wish- I just, I wish you would just talk to me.” He says voice almost a whisper. He looks down at her for a reply, before noticing that she’s fast asleep and sighing loudly before placing another kiss to her forehead and whispering a “Good night love”.

Matt doesn’t sleep very well that night, too busy focusing on how to make things better. Worrying about her leaving him. Thinking up all the reasons he could make her stay. He knows that he will never love anyone like he loves her, and that breaks his heart. Because she doesn’t _want_ him.  

 

 

\---

 

 

The pair spend the rest of the weekend together, eventually Alex talks to Matt, they spend all of Saturday night talking about her past and all the heart break she had been through. And although he was glad that she was opening up to him, he hated to see her hurting.

“You know” he says as they sit in the living area, Matt holding Alex close, “I would _never_ hurt you like that”

Alex clings to him, her hands scrunched in his shirt, she hates herself for breaking down in front of him. She has to be strong she knows that but he’s there and he _cares_ about her. But he can’t say things like that because he doesn’t _know_ that he won’t hurt her. She decides to just not answer him letting tears fall into the crook of his neck until they slowly begin to stop.

Matt knows that she doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t know what else to do, so he lifts her head so that he’s looking her in the eye. He leans down and kisses her. He just wants to make her feel loved, and so he takes her to bed and he makes _love_ to her slowly and carefully, whispering words of love into her ear as she comes apart underneath him with a cry of his name, and he wants her like this for the rest of his life.

 

\---

 

 

After their late night talk, Alex seems to cheer up a bit, and he’s glad to know that she confided in him about her past. On Sunday Alex leaves and goes to pick up Salome.

The next week Matt spends as much time with the pair as possible, the go for picnics, and out for lunch. Matt goes round and they play games and Salome and Alex laugh at Matts silly jokes. Time flies and before Matt knows it it’s Thursday and Alex will be leaving the next afternoon, and he knows that she will be, because she doesn’t believe him. It breaks his heart that she’s leaving in 24 hours, and he begins to think there’s nothing more he can do to make her stay.

Alex starts to pack, knowing that Salome will be going to Karens that night so that she could spend her last night with Matt, her last night for good, she thinks and it gives her an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach. The more Alex thinks about it, the more she realises that she won’t be able to leave him if she spends the night with him, and she _has_ to leave him. She goes over it again and again in her head, it’s almost like reality hits her in the face and she just _can’t_ say goodbye to him.

So Alex does the only thing she can think to do, she packs her bags quickly, runs in to her daughter, and helps her pack her things as quickly as she can, telling her she’ll answer her questions as soon as they’re in the taxi.

Alex quickly scribbles a note out, tears in her eyes as she writes ‘ _I’m sorry Matt. I love you, but I can’t do this. Please forgive me. A Xx.’_

Everything packed and not caring if she’s forgotten anything, she grabs Salome. And she runs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy.  
> Comments and Kudos are always lovely Xx


	16. You are always, and completely forgiven.

Matt decides to go to Alex’s earlier than planned, just to say goodbye to Salome as he probably won’t get another chance. Of course he’s sad that they’re leaving and he still has a small bit of hope that Alex might say ‘Actually Matt let **’** s try this whole relationship thing.’ Even though it’s a small bit of hope. It’s still hope.

He showers and gets dressed before picking up his keys and heading for Alex’s. When he gets there he tries to open the door and let himself in but it’s locked, which is strange, Matt thinks, _she usually only locks it at night and she can’t still be in bed, it’s gone 1 o’clock._ Matt decides to knock, and yet there’s still no answer and he begins to worry. Of course they could have gone out, but Matt is prone to thinking the worst.

Realising that he has her key on his key ring, he digs his keys out of his pocket and unlocks her door. As soon as he walks in, he knows she’s gone; it’s painfully quiet, he can’t hear her singing or humming lightly, he can’t hear Salome laughing or playing, and the place looks bare; of course all the furniture’s there but there are no signs of _Alex._

_No,_ he thinks to himself, _no she wouldn’t have left._ Matt quickly makes his way to her bedroom and flings open her wardrobe to find it empty, all her drawers areempty. He feels the sting of tears behind his eyes and _how could she,_ he thinks to himself. He knew she was leaving but he didn’t even get a chance to say _goodbye._ Sliding down the side of her wardrobe, head in his hands, he lets himself cry; he cries for the women he just lost, and the words he wasn’t able to say before she left. How could she rob that from him. He starts to believe that she can’t _care_ about him if she can just walk away without a word, because he could _never_ do that to her.

Picking himself up, he walks over to her bed and lays down on her pillow, treasuring the way it smells of her **. T** he tears refuse to stop falling and he’s sure he can feel someone squeezing and tearing at his heart. When he rolls over, he sees the note she had left him.

 ‘ _I’m sorry Matt. I love you, but I can’t do this. Please forgive me. A Xx.’_

He almost laughs, but only because he’s hurting and she had written ‘ _I love you’_ and it was clear she didn’t. You don’t destroy the people you love, and she destroyed him. All the time Alex was talking about how her Ex husbands broke her heart, he was never able to relate, but now, now he could, because she broke _his_ heart.

 

 

xxx

 

 

“You’re running away from him aren’t you? That’s why we’re leaving early isn’t it mum?” Alex is startled from staring out of the window by Salomes questioning. She hadn’t really thought about what to tell her, in fact she hadn’t really thought about anything, she’d just left. And that’s when she realised that while she was trying her hardest not to hurt Matt, she hadprobably hurt him more just by doing this. But she has to protect her heart, she has to look out for her child. _But he cares about you and Salome,_ a voice keeps telling her in her head, and she knows that it’s true; she just can’t seem to accept it completely. She’s too damaged.

“Mum!” Salome near shouts, “You said you would explain in the cab. Well, we’re here now, so why are we leaving mum?”

“I just thought it best we, erm, we get an earlier plane, because well...” Alex turns to face Salome trying to think of something to say… anything.

“Look at this weather, I mean I’d rather be in lovely hot LA than here darling, wouldn’t you?” she smiles lightly at her daughter.

Salome looks at her mother with an expression on her face that Alex has seen many times before. She definitely doesn’t believe her.

“I’m not a little girl anymore mum, I know when you’re lying to me.” She states crossing her arms with a pout on her face.

“There are some things Salome, that children just don’t need to know, now stop being so nosey,” Alex snaps and instantly feels bad; she never shouts at her, _ever_ , and Salome’s shocked face proves that point.

“I don’t know why you’re shouting at me. Or lying to me; I know that you two are in love, so why are you running from Matty mum? You love him, I know you do; and he loves you, you know that he does.” Alex is shocked by how grown up her daughter is acting, and then she realises that she’s nearly a teenager and she’s got a lot more to come. What she doesn’t understand is how Salome seems to catch on to everything. How does she know this even has anything to do with Matt. Not in the mood to discuss it, Alex turns to her daughter, “That’s enough Salome. I’m not talking to you about this.” She says sternly, hoping that Salome gets the message. If they keep talking about it, Alex won’t be able to hold it together, and she refuses to break down in front of her daughter.

“Fine, but you two are good for each other; he makes you so happy, I can see it, every time he’s around you’re so much more fun… you’re smiley-er when he’s here. And I love Matty mum, I really do and- I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” Alex looks over at Salome; she won’t look at her, staring at her hands on her lap, “I’m going to miss him, and so are you” she says voice almost a whisper, and Alex see’s a tear roll down her cheek.

“Oh darling” Alex whispers, taking off her seat belt and moving over to embrace her daughter, “I know, I’m sorry sweetie, I’m so sorry” She says placing a kiss to her temple and stroking the hair back from her face. She hadn’t even thought about Salome not getting to say goodbye to everyone. All this time she was trying to protect her, and she just ended up upsetting her. “I’m so sorry” she whispers letting a few stray tears roll down her cheeks.

 

 

xxx

 

 

Hours go by and Matt still remains on Alex’s bed. He had stopped crying but thinks he must have run out of tears because he sure as hell isn’t feeling any better. He wants to go after her but he knows _that_ obviously isn’t what she wants. So he justlays there and thinks about all he could have said, and all he could have done to prove to her just how much she means to him. But he tried, he really did, she just never believed in him. All he wanted to do was love her, for his whole life he just wanted _her._

Matt reaches out for the note and puts it to his heart squeezing his eyes shut. Then he re-reads it, over and over; ‘ _I love you… Please forgive me’._ He goes over these words again and again. She is scared, but he wants to be angry at her; angry for leaving him without a goodbye, or for not telling him properly that she loved him while she was here. When he realised she had left he thought she _didn’t_ , but she does, and that’s the problem. She is _afraid_ to love him.

Matt knows he has to let her know that he still loves her and that she is, of course, forgiven. He pulls out his phone and types out a short, but heartfelt text to her. ‘ _I still love you, always. And you are always and completely forgiven.’_  

After sending the text, he kicks off his shoes and gets under her covers, not willing to leave her bed for a while, he would laythere until he could no longer smell her on the sheets, and then he would go back to his apartment and lay on her side of the bed, and hope that his sheets smell of her too. He misses her already.

 

xxx

 

Alex keeps her phone off for the first few days that she is back in LA, she spends all the time she can with her daughter, and they never mention Matt. Salome knows now how upset it makes her mother so she chooses not to bring it up again. While Alex stays strong in the day smiling and laughing with her daughter, in the night she breaks down over and over again.

Five days after being back, Alex lays in bed, gone midnight and she decides she better turn her phone on; her agent had probably rung her, and Karen, and Arthur, possibly even Steven; but worse of all Matt had probably phoned, and left messages and texts.

Not even a minute after she turns it on, her phone goes crazy vibrating. She scrolls through **to** see who they’re from. She has three missed calls and two voicemails and a text from Karen, and one missed call from Steven. Then she sees his name.

‘ _11 missed calls: Matthew’_

_‘4 new voicemails: Matthew’_

_‘6 messages: Matthew’_

She doesn’t think she can bring herself to read them, and she definitely can’t bring herself to listen to his voicemails, she’ll hear his voice and she’d be straight on a plane back to England. Knowing that she can’t avoid his texts forever, she opens the first one he’d sent her…

‘ _I still love you, always. And you are always and completely forgiven.’_ She instantly regrets opening it. She smiles at the use of his lines as the doctor though. She almost can’t believe it, she’d expected messages of anger, and hurt, but he just reassured her that he still loves her; and she thinks she would rather he hate her.

That night she curls up in bed and wishes she wasn’t such a mess. She holds her phone close, wishing more than anything that she had the guts to just ring him and hear his voice, and tell him she’s sorry. Instead she cries herself to sleep, wishing he was there to comfort her. Regretting leaving him on his own.

 

xxx

 

For a week after she’s gone, Matt texts and calls and leaves voicemails, to get nothing in return. He barely leaves his flat, he hasn’t showered in days and he just lays there trying to find sleep all day, but it never comes. He feels like he hasn’t slept in years. His beard is growing continuously and he refuses to look in the mirror, but he occasionally catches glances of himself on shiny surfaces, he knows he looks awful. But he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything anymore.

Karen and Arthur do their best to comfort him while they’re still there and he _is_ grateful to them for being there for him, even though Karen never stops trying to make him wash, and change his clothes because “you absolutely stink Smith” she keeps telling him. He thinks of Alex and how she doesn’t have anyone **;** but then he remembers she does, she has her gorgeous little girl. And he’s sure she’ll find someone her age and let them love her like he wants too. Except _no one,_ will _ever_ love her like he did. Like he still does.

Eventually he’s going to have to move out of the apartment before the Who crew kick him out. Karen comes to say goodbye to him, as she’s heading off to LA, and Matt is incredibly jealous that she’ll be able to see Alex and he won’t. He’d go with her but Alex wouldn’t want him there, right?

“Listen Matt” Karen starts “I know you’re upset, but you need to pull yourself together okay? There’s nothing you can do and you _did_ know that she would be leaving.” She says before hugging him and kissing him on the cheek goodbye.

“I know” he replies quietly, “Bye Kaz, ring me and let me know how everything goes out there, and, erm- if you see her, can you just…” He doesn’t really know what the end of that sentence is going to be, but Karen understands.

“I’ll tell her” she answers his unspoken question. She pats him on the arm and makes for the door.

“and Matt” she says turning back to face him, “Do something with that beard, and _please_ wash.” Then she’s gone and he’s left alone, again.

Suddenly, Matts phone rings and he rushes to find it thinking it might be her; it could be Alex. He looks at the screen in shock, because Alex is making a silly pouty face on his screen. He answers it quickly in fear that she’ll hang up.

“Alex,” he asks voice frantic; but the voice that comes back is certainly not Alex.

“Matty, it’s me; it’s Salome” Matt smiles at her small shy voice, and he thought he’d be disappointed at it not being Alex, but he wasn’t, he was just as happy.

“Hello poppet” he says smiling to himself before realising that something might be wrong, why would Salome be calling off Alex’s phone. “Is everything alright Salome, is your mum okay? Where is she?”

“Yeah, no she’s fine, well, she isn’t okay. But **,** she’s just sad that’s all. And you’re the only one who can help.”

“Oh sweetheart” Matt replies and his heart sinks when she tells him that Alex is sad. “I’m sorry she’s sad. But I’m not sure I can help; I _want_ too, but I’m not sure she would want my help.”

“I don’t know what to do Matty; she misses you. I hear her cry every night, and in her sleep she says your name; she talks a lot in her sleep about you. She loves you Matty and she needs you, I know she does.” She says with clear tears in her voice and Matt feels tears begin to sting his eyes “I miss you as well” she says in a small whisper. That’s enough for Matt, he knows he has to do something, because he can’t have his two favourite girls sad, he just won’t allow it.

“Where’s your mum now poppet?” he asks trying to stay calm.

“She’s sleeping, I didn’t want to wake her **;** she hardly ever sleeps anymore.” Salome sounds so broken and Matt feels so guilty that he hadn’t really thought about how Salome was feeling and he was so angry at himself.

“Listen Salome, I’m going to fix this okay? But don’t tell your mum, don’t tell her that you’ve spoken to me. Just stay strong and look after your mum for now. I’ll be there soon I promise.” Matt cannot help but think back to when he found Alex in the bath, cuts along her wrist and he worries more now that Salome says that she’s really hurting.

“You’re coming here?!” Salome nearly squeals down the phone.

“Shh.” He laughs “Yeah I’m coming, I’ll fix this okay? But don’t tell your mum, I’m not sure she’d want me there, but I can’t have you both sad now can I?”

“Thank you! Please come quick okay? She does want you here. You’re so silly. Both of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you Matty!”

Matt’s spirits lift significantly, because this little girl has given him the courage to get on that plane, and that’s all he needs. “I’ll be as quick as I can. I love you to poppet. Look after your mum till I get there! See you soon”

Salome says a quick “bye” down the phone before the line cuts off.

He can’t bear the thought of either of them being upset and so he needs to get himself together. He refuses to give up on Alex, and it only took him hearing how hurt she is to realise he’ll spend his whole life running after her if he has too.

Matt showers and shaves, puts on clean clothes, books the earliest flight to LA, and leaves. He doesn’t even pack anything **;** just takes his phone and his wallet. He wants to get there as quick as he can, and before he knows it, he’s boarding the plane **;** butterflies in his stomach and hope in his heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments are wonderful!  
> Hope you enjoy! 
> 
>  
> 
> A massive thank you to Claire(smidge) for beta-ing this chapter for me!Xx


	17. Open your eyes, i love you, i need you.

Matt spends the whole plane journey going over what he’s going to say to her when he gets there. He hadn’t really thought about it before he left, not properly; he was too focused on making sure she was going to be okay. He knows he should try and get some sleep because he probably looks a state and he doesn’t want her seeing him like this, but he can’t stop thinking about it, and so his mind just won’t let him rest.

So for 9 hours, he thinks about what will happen if she just slams the door in his face and tells him she never wants to see him again, or if she tells him that after everything she doesn’t love him. He also thinks about how happy they will be together if she just believes in him, believes in them.

After what seems like ever, the flight attendant announces that they will be landing at LAX in 10 minutes and could everyone please put their seat belts on. Matt’s heart rate quickens immensely and the butterflies in his stomach came back with full force.

 

xxx

 

Alex tries to keep her mind off of Matt as often as she can, but she can never stop picturing how his face might have looked when he’d found her note and it breaks her heart more every time, she had thought by now that her heart couldn’t break anymore than it already had previously, but that was before Matt, she had never felt heart break like this in her life time.

Alex is only grateful to have Salome, but she won’t have her all the time, Florian will want her back for a while soon and she isn’t really sure as to what she will do without her there to distract her from her thoughts.

One Friday afternoon she decides that she has put off weeding her front garden and planting new flowers for too long and her and Salome go out to buy a variety of flower seeds and decide to sort out the front lawn of their little house. Alex laughs and plays with her daughter tackling and tickling each other until neither of them can breathe. Alex has forgotten all about Matt for at least half an hour and she just wants to gather her daughter in her arms and thank her over and over for being so precious.

The rest of the afternoon is spent digging up soil and putting in a couple of seeds, and then watering them. The two of them are comfortably quiet and Salome is humming the theme of Doctor Who. Alex, for the first time since she got home is actually having a nice day and enjoying her.

Suddenly Alex hears a clatter from behind her and she realises Salome must have just dropped the watering can and turns round to smile at her when she hears her daughter gasp.

“He actually came” Salome whispers as Alex turns around, and she swears that when she sees what her daughter had seen her heart stopped, she couldn’t breathe because he was here, Matt was here with his gangly limbs, floppy hair and lop sided grin. _He came for her_ , she thinks to herself, and suddenly all the fear she felt about being with him disappears because _he’s here._

_xxx_

 

The whole cab ride to her house Matt is a nervous wreck and he can barely think, but he just cannot wait to see her, to hear her voice, to see her smile. It had only been a week but he’d missed her so much, and she never gave him a chance to say what he needed to and now he can.

As the taxi slows outside Alex’s house he sees her, and his heart definitely skips a beat, her and Salome have clearly been doing some gardening as there is mud all over Salome’s clothes, Alex is facing the other way, but Matt knows she looks beautiful. When doesn’t she. The taxi comes to a stop and Matt pays the driver before getting out and just admiring the sight of his two favourite girls for a moment. There is no way he is going to give up now, not now he’s come this far, he’s going to tell her how much she means and he’s going to make her realise how amazing she is to him, he is going to make her see how much he adores her. Suddenly Salome looks up and the smile on his face is clearly reflected on hers.

Matt wants to move from that spot but his feet seem to be stuck in one spot as he waits for Alex to notice him. Salome begins to run towards him and he sees Alex turn around, at first she looks tired, tired and sad, but then when she realises he’s there, her eyes light up. He cannot explain his joy at that, because maybe she had missed him too.

Matt is so transfixed by Alex that he barely notices Salome running out in to the road, that is until he sees Alex’s look of worry and then hears the loud engine of a car and Salome is right in the middle of the road and he doesn’t know what he’s doing  but the next thing he knows he pushes Salome out of the road, and lets out a sigh that she’s okay, before suddenly a force hits him so hard and he falls to the floor, his head smashing against the pavement, all Matt can hear is Alex screaming and Salome crying out, he wants to get up and tell her he’s fine that she’ll be okay now but he can’t move, he can’t even see; and then, everything goes white and all hopes of making Alex better disappear.

 

 

xxx

 

 

Alex doesn’t see the car, she only hears it and she can see her daughter is just about to cross the road without even a glance at what’s coming, and there is nothing she can do, she goes to call out to her but nothing comes out so she begins to rush over to her. She watches as Matt realises what is happening and throws himself at Salome pushing her on to the pavement and Alex breathes a breath of relief until she realises that Matt is still there, in the middle of the road.

The next thing Alex knows she watches as the black Mercedes smashes in to Matt and he goes flying in the air finally hitting the ground with a horrific crack of his head. Alex is in shock and _No, this can’t be happening,_ she thinks to herself.

“MATT!!” She cries out as she runs over to him laying on the ground, lifeless. _No,_ she thinks to herself, _No he can’t… this can’t happen; I didn’t even get to tell him._

“Matt darling, no, please, come on Matt, wake up. Open your eyes. Please!” she cries cradling his head in her hands and kissing his forehead but he doesn’t stir.

“Someone call an ambulance! Please!” she screams and she feels for Matts pulse, relieved when she feels one under her two fingers, it’s light, but it’s there.

“Please Matt, please wake up. I love you okay? I love you, I love you, I love you. I’m so sorry, I’ll do anything just please, please be okay”

Alex can hear Salome crying out to her “Mummy” she keeps calling and she knows that someone is with her trying to comfort her and she wants to comfort her too, go and tell her that everything’s alright but she just can’t bring herself to move form Matts side because she can’t help wondering what will happen if he isn’t okay, what she would do. Because only now does she realize, that he and Salome are all she cares about, and all she ever wants, and now she knows how he must have felt when he walked in on her those months ago, because now, if she had to live without him, well she just couldn’t. She see’s that now and she regrets every moment she didn’t spend with him.

The paramedics arrive quickly and remove Alex from Matts side telling her that ‘He’ll be alright if you just leave it to us’, and Alex promises herself that if, no _when_ Matt wakes up, she’ll tell him and show him in every way she can, just how much she loves him and always has. “I’m so sorry” she mouths as she cradles her daughter in her arms trying to reassure her daughter and also herself that she’s going to be okay. _Please be okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is really awful but I've had such a hard time writing this and it is the best I could do. Still I hope you enjoy, not long till the end now.
> 
> Kudos are brilliant, comments even better Xx


	18. Every day, every hour, every minute I missed you.

_She stood there, waiting and waiting for someone to tell her something, anything about what had happened to him. Then she sees it, she sees them doing CPR, ‘no’ she thinks to herself ‘no he can’t be… he just can’t be.’ The paramedics are looking over Salome and she runs over to see a clearer view of Matt._

_What Alex sees, she cannot describe. It isn’t the Matt she knows lying there on the floor, she just wants him to open his eyes and smile that gorgeous smile at her, but he doesn’t, he doesn’t move. She begins to cry out to him, calling his name begging him to wake up, when she tries to run over to him two officers hold her back and she falls to the floor screaming and sobbing because he can’t be dead!_

_Eventually a paramedic walks over to her. “Miss Kingston?” She knows that look, it isn’t good but it can’t be. She can’t form words so she just nods._

_“I’m so sorry Miss Kingston, but Mr Smith flat lined, we did all we could. I’m sorry but he didn’t make it.”_

_“No” she mumbles, “no you’re wrong!” she shouts out making to run over to him and this time, no one stops her. When she gets to him, he’s cold and lifeless and she knows that it’s true. Matt’s dead._

_“Wake up! Matt wake up! You can’t be gone PLEASE!” she cries out and she cries and cries but nothing happens, he’s gone and there’s nothing she can do about it. She lays down in the road next him, holding him close, whispering about how much she loves him, as if it will bring him back to life._

_Xxx_

Alex wakes up crying frantically and she soon realises where she is, the same place she has been sitting for the most of 3 weeks. She breathes a sigh of relief when she realises that it was all just a dream, but it scared her that it might not be, because he still isn’t awake and she doesn’t know what’s going to happen to him.

She hasn’t been able to leave the side of his bed, Florian had come to take Salome after Alex made sure to let her know it was not her fault and she loved her very much. People had come and gone, of course his parents were there every day and Karen had come as soon as she had heard as she was in LA already. Karen was distraught of course but she had filming to do and she couldn’t be there all the time.

Out of every one, Alex was there the most. The only time she left was to use the toilette, and occasionally eat and shower, however she hadn’t done much eating since that awful day. Everyone told her to ‘go home, get some rest’ but how could she leave him, not again, she refused to ever leave him again.

She got up and walked the few steps to the side of his bed. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful and she just wants him to wake up so she can hold him, and tell him everything she never had the chance to say. She always, always knew that she loved him, but seeing him in that accident, watching as he saved her daughters life even if it meant him being in danger, made her realise so much more. He was everything to her.

Alex pushes his fringe back from his face and kisses a light kiss to his forehead “I love you, so much” she whispered placing her forehead against his and closing her eyes.

“I love you too”

Alex shot up, wide eyed and staring at him and she couldn’t believe it _he’s awake,_ she thought to herself, _oh thank god he’s awake._ Matt smiled up at her and suddenly everything was right in the world.

“Matt” she whispered holding his face in her hands “Darling you’re awake, I should go get someone” she felt yet more tears spring from her eyes, but these were different, they were _happy_ tears because _he’s alive._

 He lifted his arm to tuck a curl behind her ear, wincing in pain but carrying on anyway, “I’m awake. Care to tell me what happened Kingston?”

She can barely breathe because she can’t believe it, after all this time she waited and he wakes up and smiles at her as if everything’s perfect , and now, it just could be because _he’s alive!_ She keeps telling herself. He can’t remember and she doesn’t know how to tell him, he had broken most of his ribs, one of which punctured his lung. As well as that he had to have surgery on his head to stop internal bleeding. Also he had a broken ankle and fractured pelvis. All of this and there he was looking right as rain.

“Well, honey I don’t know where to start. You showed up at my house, out of the blue…” Suddenly she realised the shock in his face, she knew he remembered now. He gets to sit up but cries out in pain, “Darling, be careful” she says resting a hand on his shoulder.

“No Lex, you don’t understand. I had to tell you, that’s why I came. Because you left and I had to make you realize and then… Then it all went horribly wrong and Salome- oh my God Salome!”

Alex’s heart swells because he thinks that any of that matters now, she loves him and he doesn’t even know. “Salome’s fine love. You saved her life” she said realising how worried he was.

She saw the relief in his face. “Alex listen…”

“No darling” she cut him off, “I need to say something first because I’ve been waiting three weeks to say this and I can’t wait any longer.”

He looks up at her in shock “Three weeks? I- I’ve been asleep for three weeks” he muttered.

Alex nodded her head slightly stroking her hands through his hair and moving to kneel on his bed and take his hands in hers.

“Now listen because I’ve got a lot to say and I just need to get this out. I need you to know how sorry I am because I messed up and I left you and I am so so sorry.” Matt goes to interrupt but she places a finger to his lips, “Let me finish.”

“When I walked away from you, I swear it near killed me. I found it so hard to trust anyone, and then you came along and you were perfect and you cared about me, and you _loved_ me, but I just pushed you away because I was scared. Only now do I realise that I had nothing to be scared about, you sacrificed your life to save my little girl. You loved me even when it was difficult too. After I left, you made sure to let me know that I was forgiven and I didn’t deserve that. I don’t deserve you. But now I know, I love you more than I ever thought possible to love anyone, I knew it, I knew  the minute I met you. I’m sorry it took me so long to catch up, I just got stuck. But now, if you’ll have me, I want to make up for all this time lost, I love you and I don’t intend on letting you go, or leaving. Ever again. So if you want me, well then you’ve got me. But if you don’t then I completely under…”

Alex is cut off as Matt ignores the pain and pulls Alex towards him crashing his lips against hers. She realises how much she had been crying as he wipes away the tears from her cheeks as he kisses her. This kiss, it’s different to all the rest, because it has more emotion than any other kiss she has shared with anyone. It’s filled with longing and forgiveness and _hope._

When they eventually break for air, Alex watches as Matts face breaks out in to the biggest grin she had ever seen. He continues stroking at her cheek and they stay there in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Matt speaks up.

“I missed you. Every day, every hour, every minute I missed you. I love you more than anyone has ever loved anything. You have to believe me now.”

She sees the flicker of sadness in his eyes and she hates herself for making him think she didn’t love him. For making him think she didn’t believe in him, because she _does._ She always has, she just didn’t _know_.

“I believe you. Of course I believe you. I missed you too. I- I don’t really know who to be without you anymore. I love you- so much Matt.”

More tears spill down her face “Hey, no more tears okay. Because this is it now, I’m never letting you go again I promise you, I’m going to look after you for the rest of my life.”

She smiles down at him now because she knows that it’s true, this is it, she never wants to be without him again. Him and Salome, that’s all she needs and anything that comes their way, she knows that they’ll make it through, they can make it through anything.

She lays down next to him and he pulls her in to him, despite the pain in his ribs, that’s nothing to him now because he doesn’t care, Alex is here and she loves him and that’s all that matters.

The two of them lay there just breathing each other in, holding each other and thanking God that they were able to be together, after everything, they made it. Alex clings to Matt, careful not to hurt him more, she can’t seem to let him go, she needs to be close to him, she needs to be near him and she never wants to leave his side.

The two of them whisper words of love and share light kisses before falling in to a peaceful sleep there on the hospital bed. They hold each other and cling to each other neither willing to let go, tears fall from the both of their eyes, but not tears of sadness, not even close. They are tears of elation, tears of joy, the two of them have waited a long time for this, and neither of them are ever going to let it end, because _they love each other_ and that’s all that matters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happier, yay! Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Kudos and comments are wonderful!


	19. Did you fix it yet?

 

Matt’s doctor tells him that he has to stay in for a week or so longer just so that they can keep check on him for a while. Of course Matt tells Alex she needs to go home and relax, but she refuses demanding that she’s never leaving his side for long again. He knows that it isn’t true, they will have to leave for filming in different places all the time. However he loves how protective she has come of him, and he truly is grateful for her being there.

 Even though the nurses are there to look after Matt, Alex insists on doing everything for him, she insists on feeding him even though he is entirely capable himself. The pair can’t seem to get enough of each other and he just can’t wait to get her home.

Matt’s parents come and see him frequently to make sure he’s feeling okay but Matt demands that they go back to England and stop worrying about him. So his parents say their goodbyes, his mum hugging Alex tightly “Look after yourself, and my little boy okay?” she says kindly smiling at Alex as she pulls away, the two of them had become very close during the time Matt was asleep and Lynne was very happy for them both, as was Matts dad. However, no one was more happy or excited than Karen, who, when they told her they were officially a couple squealed so loudly that a nurse actually came and asked her to be quiet. They hadn’t really discussed what they were going to do now, about living arrangements and work, but that didn’t matter to Alex anymore and it never mattered to Matt. All the mattered was that they loved each other and that they both were safe and well.

 

 

\---

 

 

Nearer the end of the week, Salome rings and demands to see Matt, stating that if her mum doesn’t let her ‘I’ll run away and join the circus, honest I will, I heard someone say it and that’s what I’m going to do so I have to come see him.’

Of course Matt insists also that Salome comes and Alex doesn’t really have a say, she’s just worried Salome will get upset when she sees Matt injured and worried about how she will react to their news. However, Salome wants to see Matt and he wants to see her and she doesn’t have the heart to deny them of that.

Salome is due to show up in an hour and Alex is pacing Matt’s room and he laughs at her because she looks so nervous.

“Lex, what’s the matter” he says smiling “What are you worrying about?” Matt asks.

Alex stops pacing and looks at Matt, she’s chewing on her finger nails her brows furrowed and he can’t help but think about how adorable she looks. Alex moves over to sit on the edge of Matt’s bed.

“We have to tell her today. What if she hates me? She knew, a long time ago she knew and I lied to her and I don’t know how she’s going to react and I just, I don’t want to upset her and…”

“Alex” Matt interrupted taking her hand in his and running soothing circles along the back of her palm, “She’s not going to hate you, Salome loves you so much, the way she talk about you to me, you’re her hero. She’s going to understand, she’s a very grown up girl and she’s going to understand. She’s the one who called me out here anyway!”  

Alex looks down at their interlinked hands and smiles, she isn’t sure what she did to deserve this man lying in front of her, but she is so, so grateful to have him. Then suddenly she realises what he just said, “She what?” she questions standing up in shock, _Salome had asked him to come._

Matt soon realises that he hadn’t mentioned the phone call he had with Salome the moment before he left for LA.

“She erm, well she called me Lex. And before that I wanted to come, I really did, but I thought you’d be getting on with your life and that you were okay. I didn’t know if you wanted me to come after you and then she rung me, and she seemed so down Alex, and then she told me how sad you had been and it tore my heart further. That’s when I knew, I knew I couldn’t leave the two people I love most, miles away and miserable, so I, I grabbed my jacket and wallet, and I caught the first flight to LAX. I’m so glad I did.”

Alex looks at him wide tearful eyes, she can’t seem to believe how clever her daughter was, can’t believe that she did that for her. She makes a mental note to thank her, because without her she wouldn’t have him there now, injured or not, he was there and he was getting better. In that moment she realises how lucky she is to have both her amazing daughter and Matt.

Alex smiles up at Matt and walks over to sit beside him on the small hospital bed, “I love you” she whispers cupping his face in her hands and leaning down to place a feather light kiss to his lips, Matt however pulls her in and their lips crash together Matts hand landing on Alex’s waist slowly slipping under the light blouse she is wearing. Alex moans in to his mouth running her hands through his hair, she climbs in to his lap, knowing that his ribs are a lot better after having 4 weeks in hospital. She feels his hard length against her thigh and she smiles in to their deepening kiss.

It is only when Matt’s hands begin to head south that Alex remembers where she is, pulling away extremely breathless. “Darling… we can’t, anyone could walk in.”

“Don’t care” Matt mumbles in to Alex’s neck before kissing a trail to her chest.

“Matt” she laughs pushing him away and reluctantly getting off his lap, “I wish we could dear but in case your forgetting, we’re in a public hospital, you’re unwell and Salome will be here soon” she says patting him on the cheek and walking across the room to get some water, suddenly feeling very flushed and dehydrated.

Watching as she all but struts across the room he thinks of how long he’s waited to call her his, and about how he’s going to spend the rest of his life with this woman. “God you don’t know what you do to me” he all but groans. Alex smirks down, glancing at the very large bulge in his boxers that he insists on wearing instead of one of those hospital gowns, using the explanation ‘you’re the only one that will see me and it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.’

Biting her lip and lifting her head so she’s looking him in the eyes she begins to walk over to him, “I think I have some idea” she whispers groping him through his boxers and then removing her hand as quickly as she had placed it there and Matt moans at the loss of contact.

“You’re an evil, evil woman Miss Kingston. I’m an unwell man”

“Precisely honey, that is definitely not what the doctor ordered.” She says grabbing her phone from the table beside his bed and opening a text from Salome. “Salome’s on her way, I suggest you think of something extremely un-sexy dear.” She smirks sitting on a chair not far from him.

“Is that even possible with you in the same room Kingston” he asks winking at her, before he gets up and hops on his crutches to the bathroom.

 

 

\---

 

 

“Matty!” Salome calls out face bright as she runs in to his room, she stops short though when she sees his leg in plaster and bruises and cuts along his face as well as a large scar across his hair line. Salomes eyes begin to fill with tears and Matt sits up attempting to get out of bed while Alex runs over to her.

“Hey, darling come here, it’s okay. Don’t be sad Matt’s fine okay? Look he’s fine.” Alex tries to calm her daughter, lifting her up, with somewhat of a struggle and placing her on Matt’s bed, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

Salome sniffles and looks up cautiously at Matt, “Hello poppet” he says smile bright, reaching over and bopping her on the nose. Salomes tears still fail to stop and Matts heart clenches at the sight of this amazing little girl sad, forgetting all the pain in his ribs and his pelvis, which  have healed significantly since he was hit, Matt grabs Salome under her arms and pulls her on to his lap, Alex moves over to sit on the bed next to the pair of them.

“What’s all this crying huh Sal? You don’t need to be sad, everything’s okay” Matt whispers smiling down at her.

“You- you don’t h… hate me Matty?”

Matt doesn’t understand how she could think he hates her, because it’s all thanks to her that he’s with Alex and Salome means so much to him. He puts a finger under her chin and lifts her head so she’s looking at him. “Where’s all this coming from poppet? Of course I don’t hate you. You’re my favourite person in the world and I love you very much.”

“But- but I- you’re hurt and, it, it’s all my fault because I didn’t look both ways and- and I made you come here”

Matt almost laughs at how adorable Salome’s being because just like Alex, whatever she did, he could never hate her, and this wasn’t even her fault. He was so busy transfixed by Alex that he hadn’t been paying attention to what Salome was doing. “Oh Salome, none if this is your fault sweetheart, I promise. And I am so, so glad you made me come here” he says looking up and smiling at Alex  as she worries her bottom lip, he can tell she wants to gather her baby up in her arms, but is grateful that she is letting him have this time with her. When she realises him smiling at her she can’t help the smile that breaks across her face also.

“So don’t think this is your fault Sal, anyway I’m fine, look better than ever” he says screwing up his face and throwing his arms around and is so happy when he gains a laugh from Salome. “I could never hate you, silly!” he says placing a kiss to her head.

Salome, now smiling, wraps her arms around Matts middle and squeezes tightly before jumping off the bed, she goes to hug her mum before realization washes over her face as she remembers something very important. Rushing back to Matts side, she leans up and whispers something in his ear, Alex looks on quizzically, wondering what she’s saying to him.

When Salome finishes whispering in his ear, Matt laughs and his smile is bright before he replies “Yes poppet, I fixed it”

Well Salome looks over at Alex, her smile is brighter than she has ever seen her daughter smile, curious she looks over at Matt, “Fixed what?” She asks furrowing her brow.

Matt smiles at her and reaches out to take her hand in his, “Fixed us” he whispers kissing her knuckles. Tears begin to fill Alex’s eyes as she looks in to the eyes of the man she loves and then looks over at her precious daughter, standing with the widest grin on her face and swaying from one foot to the other.

“Salome, sweetheart, are you- how do you feel about Matt being part of your life, permanently” she pauses glancing from Salome to Matt, “- only if, if he wants to of course.”

“Of course” Matt smiles winking at Salome, who just stands looking confused “I already kinda thought he was” she answers her question simply.

Alex just laughs and pulls Salome in to a hug, Matt looks on at his two favourite girls and thinks to himself how lucky he is, just a week ago, his life seemed like it was never going to be right again, he felt so empty, and now he thinks that as long as Alex and Salome are in his life, and by his side, he will be always be complete and utterly happy. He only hopes he can make them as happy as they make him.

 

 

\---

 

 

Later that day when Alex goes to take Salome back to Florians for the night before Matt leaves the hospital the next day, Karen come to see Matt.

“Smith Dawg!” she calls out as she walks in to his room.

“Karen, about bloody time” he scolds.

“Lovely to see you too Matthew” she teases smiling at him.

“Did you get it?” He asks nervously sitting up as she walks over to him and sits herself in a chair opposite his bed.

“Mmmhm” is her only reply with a smug grin and he knows she is just trying to infuriate him.

“Kaz, seriously stop being so smug and tell me, did you bloody get it?” He asks and this time she gets up and pulls a black box out of her pocket and places it in his hand.

Matt opens the box and gives a sigh of relief when he sees that it’s the one he had sent her an image of and she hadn’t messed up and gotten the wrong one.

“Thank you, so much Kaz” he says grinning like a teenage boy.

“I can’t believe you’re going to do this, but I am so happy for you man. Let me know what she says.”

She walks over and places a kiss to Matt’s cheek before turning round to leave, “Good luck stupid face.”

When she’s gone Matt takes one last look at the ring before placing it in the pocket of one of his jackets,  he wants Alex to know how much he loves her, and how much he wants her and Salome to be his family. And even if she _does_ say no, he will never stop trying to prove it to her. She is his world and he never intends on giving her up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to update, and i'm not even sure about this chapter. I hope you enjoy it even so and the last chapter will be up soon, promise. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are wonderful Xx


	20. I don’t care where I am, as long as we’re together.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After that he had wanted it to be perfect, he planned all things that he believed she would have loved, but every time, something got in the way. It was like something telling him not to do it, convincing him that it was stupid idea. Of course, Matt would never stand for that and he was determined to ask her to marry him, and he was going to make it perfect.

Two weeks later sees Matt out of hospital and out of his leg cast. He had planned on asking her to marry him the night he had gotten home from the hospital, but Salome had called. She had said how her and her father had had an argument and could she please come back and stay with them. Of course Alex said  yes and Matt could never argue with that. He loved Salome after all.

After that he had wanted it to be perfect, he planned all things that he believed she would have loved, but every time, something got in the way. It was like something telling him not to do it, convincing him that it was stupid idea. Of course, Matt would never stand for that and he was determined to ask her to marry him, and he was going to make it perfect.

Lying awake in the morning, he went over his plans over and over in his head. _This is the night_ he thinks to himself, _I have to do this tonight._

Next to him, Alex stirs and he is torn from his thoughts as she stretches making a small sound and looking up at him, smiling with tired eyes.

“Morning love” he says leaning over and kissing her fully on the mouth.

“Hello” she says smiling brightly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. In that moment, staring up at him, she thinks about how happy she is now. Now that she gets to wake up to his boyish but gorgeous face every morning. She thinks about how happy this ridiculous man makes her. She thinks back to the times when she didn’t treat him the way he deserves, and she wonders why he chose her. After everything, he came back for her.

“Hey” he breaks her from her thoughts, stroking the stray ringlets from her face, “What you thinking about?” he asks smiling down at her, almost fully on top of her now.

“Nothing” she says raking her hands through his hair, “just you” she smiles widely.

“Ohh” he says raising his eyebrow. “Were you now?”

He begins to trail kisses along her jaw and nips at her ear lobe before kissing lower down her neck. “I. Love. You.” He breaths into her skin punctuating every word with a kiss.

“Mmm,” she moans her hands remaining in her hair “I love you too honey.” She breathes.

She knows that neither of them will ever get tired of saying it. Since he woke up in the hospital weeks ago, she hasn’t been able to say it enough. She worries now, whenever he isn’t by her side. Worries that something’s going to happen to him again. It’s irrational she knows, but she doesn’t know how she would live without him now. All of a sudden it’s like he’s a part of her and she just cannot think about her life without him. She loves him more than she thought possible.

“Oh god” she breathes as he continues to place kisses along her torso and nips at her hip bone before soothing the mark with his tongue.

Alex grinds her hips against his chest and urges him to just get to the place she needs him most, but he just teases her and traces his fingers on the inside of her thigh. She groans in annoyance grabbing him by his mop of hair and pulling his face so he’s looking up at her with a smug smile on his face.

“Matthew Smith if you don’t stop teasing me, I’ll sort this out myself!” she says eyeing him as his grin grows and he winks at her, before finally leaning down and licking a line through her folds and along her sex.

“Oh thank god” she breathes as she grasps at his hair, pulling tightly, sure she’s causing him pain.

She can feel him smiling against her and she almost wants to hit him for being so smug but she looses all thoughts when he abruptly thrusts his tongue in to her, making her moan aloud in pleasure.

He’ll never get over the taste of her, never get over the way she feels around his tongue or the way she pulls at his hair and cries out his name every time he thrusts his tongue in to her. If he could, he would spend the rest of his life making her come with his tongue.

He replaces his tongue with two fingers, thrusting them in to her and curling them the way that makes her cry out his name every time. He feels her walls clench around his fingers and he places his mouth over her clit, sucking hard. He feels her legs begin to shake around his head.

“Fuckkk, oh Matt” she cries out as her walls continue to constrict around his finger and his chin is coated in her arousal.

Matt pulls his fingers from her and sucks on them, looking up at her with dark eyes. He loves the sight of her, eyes closed, mouth ajar and breaths harsh as she comes down from her high. He climbs up her body and strokes at her sweat slicked face, pushing damp curls that had fallen across her eyes away and leaning down to place a delicate kiss to the corner of her mouth.

As she opens her eyes, she smiles lightly at him and pulls him down to her, crashing her lips against his. He moans in to her mouth as his rock hard length pushes against her inner thigh. Alex nips at Matts bottom lip and then swipes her tongue across it as he opens his mouth and runs his tongue across the roof of hers.

Matt is the one to break the kiss, afraid of running out of air. He looks down at her and all of a sudden is hit again by how much he loves her, and how lucky he is to be there after everything.

Alex reaches up and cups his cheek in her palm, “I am never getting rid of you” she purrs winking up at him.

“That good eh Kingston?” he says running his hand up her stomach and palming her breast pinching a pert nipple and twisting his finger.

“Oh, don’t get to full of yourself love.” She gasps wrapping her legs around his torso. “We’re not nearly finished yet” she purrs in to his ear.

“Glad to hear it” he replies before leaning down and sucking at the skin around her breast and in return gaining a low moan from Alex, making his cock twitch in anticipation. Alex pushes his head up, breath already shallow.

“No more foreplay” she pants. “Just get inside me you silly man.”

He laughs at her forwardness, but he wants it just as much as she and so he lines his length up with her sex before sliding in to her slowly, inch by inch, eliciting a sharp gasp from the pair of them.  

He’s distracted by how much he loves that sound. It’s almost the same every time and every time he feels like he’s about to come at that second. She tends to have that affect on him in most things she does.

“Darling” Alex says softly, stroking at his back. “Move” she whispers, elongating the word in his ear and sending shivers up his spine.

Unwilling to deny her of anything, Matt begins to move, setting a slow rhythm placing kisses anywhere he can on her body. Alex lifts her hips to meet his every thrust, panting softly in his ear and whispering words of love and endearment. She pulls him closer so that there is nothing separating their bodies, she places her head in the crock of his neck as her breath becomes harsher and Matts thrusts become erratic .

Matt’s close, extremely close. But he isn’t willing to let go without her coming with him. He knows that she’s close also and so he trails his hand down her body until he finds her small bundle of nerves, then he pushes down hard with his thumb, “Oh God Matt- shit!” 

Alex cries out into the skin of his neck as her legs begin to spasm around him. She shouts his name as she comes around him, lost in the way he makes her feel. It’s like all she knows is him, and he is all that matters.

As Alex’s inner walls clench around his throbbing cock, he finds it hard not to cry out his release. When he looks down at her however, she’s looking in to his eyes with just love and stroking at his back in encouragement. “Let go darling” she whispers and that’s all it takes, leaning down he captures her lips with his and she swallows his cries of release.

After a few minutes, Matt comes around after collapsing on top of Alex. He quickly rolls off of her and pulls her in to his side.

“You’re amazing. Did you know that?” she whispers placing her head on his chest.

“You, Miss Kingston, are not so bad yourself” he replies running his hand through her array of curls.

The two of them lay there in comfortable silence and Matt can’t stop thinking about them laying like this the coming evening, after he’s asked her to spend the rest of her life with him and he prays that she says yes.

Alex completely unaware of his thoughts, worries her bottom lip as she thinks about what’s going to happen now. They hadn’t really spoken about work and Salome, and she wants to know what’s going to happen. She doesn’t want to be away from him for long, but that’s just how it is, she knows she can’t avoid it.

“Matt” she says breaking the silence.

“Mmm,” he replies tiredness evident in his tone.

“What are we going to do?” she asks, looking up at him with tired eyes. “You’ve got to go back to Who at some point. And your home’s in England, with your family and your friends. I know I’m there sometimes, but I can’t be away from you for as long as I used to. It could be months sometimes, I can’t do that Matt, moths apart.” She feels her eyes glaze over in tears, because the memories of their time apart before is enough to make her emotional. The fact that she chose that, she forced them apart and she never wants that to happen again.

Matts heart clenches as he hears her speak, he places a finger under her chin and lifts her face so she’s looking him in the eye. He smiles down at her, “Lex, we’ll figure this out. I’ll talk to Steven, anyway I’m not sure I have long left there, I think it might be time to move on soon. And as for my home being in England, not anymore it isn’t” he says placing his hand on her cheek.

“What do you mean England isn’t your home? Of course it is Matt, I don’t expect you to move here.” She states, eyes focused on his.

“My home” he begins, “Is wherever you are. I don’t care where I am, as long as we’re together.” It’s then that he gets the idea because it’s perfect, he was stupid, it never mattered about the best moment. Because this was the best moment, the most perfect moment, lying next to her, holding her. This was it, he was going to ask her.

“You know what” he says sitting up and pulling her up with him so she sits opposite him on the bed. “For two weeks I’ve wanted to ask you something, and I kept thinking that it mattered what I said, or where I said it. But now I realise that the only thing that matters is what I’ve just said. That as long as we’re together I don’t care what happens. And that’s true, I love you more than anything I’ve ever known. I’m crazy with loving you.”

Alex stares wide eyed at his speech, finally catching on as to where he’s going with this and _Oh God, he can’t, please please don’t,_ she thinks. “Matt, darling, wait a second.” She tries to interrupt him but he’s still talking and leaning over to grab one of his jackets from a chair near the bed.

“You make me happier than I have ever been” he continues and pulls a small black box from his pocket. Alex’s hands go over her mouth and she shakes her head willing him not to do this, but he’s so caught up in the moment that he doesn’t notice.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Wherever you are, I will follow, and I promise to always, always come after you. So Alexandra Elizabeth Kingston, marry me? Please.” He says with a lopsided grin opening the box and then running a hand through his fringe.

Matts smile soon fades when he realises she is shaking her head and tears are gathered in her eyes, but not good tears. His stomach turns and knots then because he thinks that maybe he’s just messed everything up.

“Oh Darling” Alex whispers reaching a hand up and stroking along his cheek. “I’m sorry, but I can’t” she says looking down and avoiding his gaze.

Matt tries to will the tears away from his eyes, trying so hard to fight back a sob. Clearing his throat so his voice doesn’t break, he moves away from her hand.

“No of course not” he says trying to put on a front, “Sorry, it was a stupid idea- sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. Silly Matt, Oh God what’s wrong with me. Of course you don’t want to marry me how could you, I mean…”

Alex cuts him off, kneeling up and placing her lips to his to quiet his rambling.

“Don’t be ridiculous Matthew. It isn’t because of you. Of course I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if I had it my way we would never be apart. But I’ve had a bad experience with marriage. I don’t want this to go wrong and it’s like for me, marriages are just jinxed, they don’t work for me. So darling, please don’t be downhearted, I love you more than you know. This is just something I can’t do.” She says placing both hands on his cheeks and wiping at the tears that had escaped from his eyes before placing another kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Matt sits, relieved that she hasn’t run and he hasn’t ruined everything but also hurt that she thinks if they got married, it would be anything like her previous marriages. He would never dream of hurting her. He wants to argue with her, to say that he would never ever be like that, and their marriage would never end, he would never leave her. But he realises that for now, this is what she wants, and so he asks.

“Something you can’t do... ever?” he asks voice soft and nervous.

“If I say it’s something I can never do, will you leave?” she asks looking down and focusing intently on her hands now in her lap.

Matt shakes his head and puts her head in his hands pulling her softly towards him. “I would never leave you, Lex. No matter what. If you don’t want to marry me ever, then that’s fine. As long as you can deal with the fact that I will never stop trying.” He says moving forward so his forehead is against hers.

Alex smiles and nods her head, accepting the fact that he’s never going to give up on her. It’s comforting, knowing how much he wants her to be his, forever.

She wishes that she could have just said yes, but she’s scared and marriage has never been good for her. She doesn’t want her and Matt to end up like her and Florian. And she never wants Matt to go out and find someone else, and Alex is convinced that if she marries him, everything will fall apart.

“I was going to do this tonight at dinner” he says breaking the small silence and beginning to laugh. “Thank God I didn’t. Imagine the embarrassment.” He says pulling her to him so she’s sitting in his lap.

“Think of the press darling” she replies placing her hands on his chest.

“Oh God” he mutters, “I didn’t even think about that!” The press had figured something was happening between the pair after Alex spent so long at the hospital and then he had gone home with her. Of course there had been tons of stories, but they avoided the media and stayed home enjoying time together and enjoying time with Salome.

Alex looks up at him, eyes full of love and it’s then he knows that It doesn’t matter that she had said no. He’s going to keep trying, because he loves her and she loves him and one day, he wants to show the world, he wants everyone to know how lucky he is. And he wants to stand at the bottom of the alter as he watches her walk towards him, knowing that he’s about to marry the most amazing woman ever. He so wants that and so he is determined never to give up.

“I love you.” She whispers placing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“I love you too Lex” he says leaning her back so that she’s flat on her back and kissing her with all the emotion he has.

They lay in bed for the rest of the day and all of the night, making love and reassuring each other of the love they feel. Matt already plans for the next time he’ll ask her and places the ring securely back in his jacket that night as she sleeps before curling up next to her and holding her tightly as he falls deep in to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**3years Later**

 Salome and Alex sit on the sofa in their house In London watching The Notebook on TV. Matt had asked Alex to marry him 5 more times since the first time. Each time it went fairly similarly, he’d ask her, she’d tell him that she loved him but again, she just couldn’t. He would understand and they would spend the evening making love. She quite enjoyed it, after he’d ask her, he would suddenly become extremely more intent on making her feel loved. They never argued about marriage, he always accepted when she’d said no, and she was grateful that he never made a huge deal of it. At first she felt bad for saying no, but she soon realised that he was going to keep trying and he would never be hurt when she said no after the first time. He was extremely understanding and it made her love him even more.

She was extremely happy the way they were and how their life had turned out. After talking it over with Salome and thoroughly thinking about their options on where to live and what was best for everyone, the couple decided to move in together in London. It seemed best as most of Alex’s work was over there as well as Who. Alex worried about how Salome would feel, but she was ecstatic with the idea, she loved Matt and when she was 13, she decided to tell her dad that she wanted to move to London to be with Alex and Matt. Alex of course was over the moon, and so Salome moved in with her and Matt and went to stay with her father in holidays. They were like a proper family and Alex had never been happier.

The film credits began to roll and Alex and Salome have a bunch of tissues in hand trying to stop the tears that fall. She doesn’t know why they always do it to themselves, but whenever Matt’s working late, they watch some soppy chick flick that always has them in tears.

“I don’t know why I let you convince me to watch these” Alex says stretching her foot across the sofa and kicking Salome softly.

“Shut up!” Salome exclaims, “It was your idea!” She insists laughing and tickling at her mum’s feet.

The two get in to fits of giggles as Alex leans over and starts poking at Salome’s side.

“Mum!” Salome exclaims, “Stop it! I’m 15 years old, and you cannot go around tickling me like I’m a baby!” she expresses even though she’s still laughing.

“Plus” Salome begins, breathless from laughing so much. “I’ve got something we need to talk about.”

Alex leans back and mirrors Salome, sitting cross legged opposite her on the small sofa, “Okay, serious now right? What is it love?” Alex asks.

Salomes phone suddenly vibrates and she checks it, quickly typing out a message and then turning her phone off and putting it on the coffee table.

“Oh my God, turning your phone off? It must be serious!” Alex laughs and Salome gives her look she knows is telling her to be quiet.

“Are you quite finished?” Salome asks and Alex feels completely scolded by her teenage daughter.

“Mhmm, sorry.” She says smiling.

“Right, well. The thing is, Matt. He’s going to ask you again pretty soon I’m sure.”

Alex rolls her eyes light heartedly and smiles at the tought of her ridiculous man. “Right” she says as she senses her daughter is not finished.

“Right, and well, I was wondering. Mum, are you going to say yes this time?!” she asks seeming exasperated.

Alex continues to smile, “Not this time love, no.” she answers.

“Okay, well seriously mum, are you every going to say yes, because it’s just getting boring now!” she exclaims and Alex laughs at how frustrated she seems, although perhaps it isn’t funny to her because if looks could kill, she may just be dead by now.

“No sweetheart, I don’t think so.” Alex says and Salome raises a brow in confusion.

“Okay, well then you’re going to have to set me straight. Because like seriously, why does he keep asking?” she questions again.

“I don’t know love, he just loves me very much and he wants to show that to everyone I think. He thinks that if he marries me, it assures him we’ll be together forever. But it isn’t for me, marriage doesn’t really work for me. But he keeps trying in case I change my mind.”

“Right” Salome says quietly this time looking down and fidgeting with her hands.

“What are you thinking love?” Alex asks brow raised.

“Well, it’s just. Okay hear me out here okay? Like don’t interrupt mum cause I know what you’re like!”

Alex laughs before nodding in agreement not to interrupt.

“Okay. Well Matt loves you, and you love Matt. That’s extremely clear to me and everyone around you. Matt wants to marry you but you’re scared that it will turn out like your other marriages. But I know for a fact that what you have with Matt is nothing like what you had with dad. I’m not a kid anymore, I know how happy you were with dad and how happy you are with Matt and it is completely different. With dad it was like you both forced each other to love the other, but with Matt, well... He only has to look at you and everyone in the room knows that he’s thinking about how much he loves you, it's so clear that I think even strangers must see it. So tell me this, your relationship with Matt is nothing like one you’ve had before, and you love him more than you love anyone or ever have loved anyone, right?” Salome asks and Alex is shocked at her long speech but answers her none the less.

“Yes, it’s different, completely different. And I love him more than anyone, other than you of course.” She answers smiling at her daughter who still has a look of confusion on her face.

“Right.” Salome says nodding, “Okay, so now answer me this. If your relationship with Matt is completely different to what you had with dad and that Ralph guy. Well- then doesn’t that mean your marriage would be _completely_ different also? I mean, I don’t know about you, but I for a fact know that Matt is never going to leave you. I’m 15, and it’s clear to me how much he loves you. I don’t think I will ever see anyone look at someone the way he looks at you. So like, like I said- what makes you think that a marriage with him would be anything like your previous one, when the relationships are totally different?”

Alex is completely dumbfounded by her daughter’s insight and she isn’t even sure how to answer her question because her point is completely valid. She struggles to think of the words to answer and all that comes out is a jumble of incoherent words.

“Well” she begins, “I- well it isn’t. I mean. I’m not really.- Yes I suppose.” Alex stops, still not knowing how to reply.

Salome just looks at her mother with a knowing smile on her face. “Just something to think about I suppose.” Salome says standing up and grabbing her phone from the table. “I just think maybe you should stop being so scared mum. You know that you’re his world. And perhaps this is something you should do, because it means a lot to him and so it should mean a lot to you right?”

Alex begins to nod and Salome walks over and places a kiss to her mother’s cheek.

“I’m off to bed. It’s getting late. Just think about what I’ve said alright mum? I love you.”

Alex looks up at her daughter and smile, “I will think about it. I love you darling.” Alex says placing a hand on her daughter’s cheek before she walks off towards her bed room. 

Alex remains seated on the sofa biting at her bottom lip and thinking over her daughters words. Because everything she had said had made perfect sense, and Alex was surprised that she had never seen it before. She had kept comparing Matt to her ex-husbands, when in fact he was nothing like them. The two of them could make it through anything and she can’t believe she didn’t realise sooner. She wants to marry that man. She wants to marry him and spend the rest of her life with him.

Alex places her hands over her mouth at the revelation and she suddenly jumps up and looks at the time.

_22:00_

Matt wasn’t going to be finished for another 2 hours at the least and she just couldn’t wait that long. She had to tell him that she knew now. She wanted to marry him, she wanted to be Mrs Smith.

Alex quickly runs to her daughters room where she’s laying in bed her face lit up by her phone. When Alex walks in the room she looks up and smiles at her mother and before Alex can even say anything, Salome’s talking.

“Go” she says with a bright smile, “I’ll be fine I’m not a baby anymore, so go, go and tell him!” she exclaims.

Alex walks over to her daughter’s bed and places a kiss to her temple.

“Thank you.” She whispers, “Thank you so much.”

And with that, she walks out of the room and heads for the front door keys In hand and one destination in mind.

 

 

 

 

 

“Matt!” she calls across the set running towards him. She’s sure that they’re in the middle of the take but she doesn’t have a care in the world. She needs to tell him that she knows now, she knows what she wants.

Everyone turns to look at Alex as she runs across the set and Matt begins to walk towards her, worry written across his face.

“Lex” he calls out.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as she approaches him slowing down.

Alex doesn’t say anything though, instead she walks over to him and throws herself in to his arms and squeezes him close to her tightly.

“Hey” Matt whispers in to her ear. “Love, what’s wrong?” he asks stroking at her hair with one hand and they other holding her around the waist. Matt looks over at Steven with an apologetic look, but no one seems to mind, all busying themselves with re-setting the scene.

“I needed to-“ she begins but she’s out of breath from the rush of everything.

“I needed to tell you!” she finally gets out and he places her back on the ground and stares in to her eyes.

“What darling? You needed to tell me what? Is everything okay? Is Salome alright? Oh God, what's happened?”

“Lex honey, what’s the matter?” he questions after she doesn’t reply.

“Nothing!” she exclaims smiling brightly. “Nothing’s wrong Matt, it’s brilliant, it’s wonderful and I can’t believe I didn’t see it before!”

The look of confusion on Matts face makes her continue.

“You see I was talking to Salome. And well she made me realise. And I didn’t know before Matt! I really didn’t but I do now.”

“Know what Alex, what are you talking about?” Matt questions, confusion still obvious on his face.

Alex reaches up and places a hand on either cheek stroking there softly.

"I love you" she says "I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope and every dream I have ever had and no matter what happens to us in the future I will always be yours and you will always be mine." She says with such confidence smiling up and him, "And so," she begins, taking a deep breath, “I want to marry you” she whispers watching as his eyes go wide and a smile begins to form, he smiles like she has never seen him smile before. 

“You do?” he asks excitement growing on his face.

“I really do” she replies. And with that Matt picks her up holding her tightly and kissing her with everything he has. He swipes his tongue across the line of her lips and she opens them willingly for him. She feels like he’s pouring all of himself in to her and she knows then that she’s made the right choice because she really could kiss him forever. It’s only when she tastes tears that she realises she is crying and when she breaks the kiss she realises that he is also.

The pair smile brighter than ever at each other, both of them ecstatic with the revelation.

“Are you sure about this?” Matt asks stroking the hair away from her forehead and tucking it behind her ear.

She smiles brighter if possible and nods her head. “I have never been surer of anything in my life.”

“You took your time” he teases and she leans up and kisses him lightly at the corner of his mouth.

“Shut up and take me home” she whispers looking around the room at all the smiling faces with their eyes on them.

Matt turns to Steven with pleading eyes and the Scott laughs and waves them off with his hand.

“Take your fiancé home! We’ll continue with this tomorrow” he says cheerfully.

Matt and Alex smile at each other, both looking over at Steven In thanks.

Without warning, Matt sweeps Alex from her feet lifting her up in his arms and walking towards the car park.

Alex laughs warmly, feeling incredibly safe in his arms even if he is the most clumsy man she has ever known. She knows he will never hurt her, in any way.

“I love you” she murmurs between short kisses.

“I love you too” he says smiling brightly.

The two of them thought that they could never be happier before. But that night they were both happier than they had ever been and they stayed that way for years to come. Alex always made a point of thanking her daughter for making her realise how much love she had for her gorgeous stupid Matt, and she always made a point to thank Matt, for never failing to show her how much she was loved. Especially by him. 

-fin-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long but i was so stuck with it! I hope you all enjoy this and have enjoyed reading this fic. I have enjoyed writing it so much! Thank you for all Kudos and comments left. And thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> Hope you have enjoyed Xx


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